At Least It Got A Spot-Free Rinse

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Me: “Welcome to ****! How can I help you today?”

Customer: “Yeah, my keyboard won’t work.”

Me: “Okay sir, what happened?”

Customer: “Well, it got dirty, so I ran it through the dishwasher.”

Me: “You what?”

Customer: “Ran it through the dishwasher. I did it once before and it worked. So, can I get a new one?”

Sure, But It’ll Make You Yelp

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Me: “Tech support, how may I help you?”

Caller: “I have to pay this fee and I need to get to y’all’s website.”

Me: “Sure, our address is [website URL].”

Caller: “I don’t want your address. I want to know where to go on my computer.”

Me: “Sir, that’s the address of our site. All you need to do is type it in your browser’s address bar.”

Caller: “Oh, so do I stick that in my Google?”

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Take Two Megabytes And Call Me In The Morning

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Me: *on the phone* “Thank you for calling Customer Support, my name is ****. How may I assist you?”

Customer: “I would like to cancel my prescription to the Internet.”

Me: “I’m sorry, you said…prescription?”

Customer: “Yes, I went with a high speed provider! I don’t need my prescription with you any more!”

Me: “…have you checked to see if that was OK with your doctor?”

Wireless, Clueless and Hopeless

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(A customer calls into our tech support line and says she is having a problem with her computer.)

Me: “So, do you see an error message?”

Customer: “No, I don’t get any errors. I don’t get anything!”

Me: “Okay, what do you see on your monitor?”

Customer: “I only get a black screen. Can you please fix it? I have a paper due tomorrow.”

Me: “Ma’am, if your screen is black, that means your laptop isn’t turned on. Are there any lights lit?”

Customer: “I don’t see any lights…”

Me: “Well, can you try pressing the power button?”

Customer: “That doesn’t work.”

Me: “Well, ma’am, I’m sorry, but I think there’s a problem with your computer.”

Customer: “That’s impossible! I just bought it!”

Me: “Hmm, strange. Did you charge the battery?”

Customer: “What do you mean, charge it?”

Me: “Well, did you plug your computer in a power socket, with the included power supply?”

Customer: “I need to plug it in? I thought it was WIRELESS!”

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A Flock Of Explorers On A Safari Singing Opera

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Me: “Alright, so what browser are you using to view your websites?”

Customer: “Mozzarella Firefox!”

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