Client Server

, , , | Working | September 20, 2017

(I’m in an internship in Laptop Repair and Assistance in my high school. We usually refer to the students that need their laptop fixed as just students.)

Me: *goes into my manager’s office for a question* “Hey, I was examining my client’s laptop when I saw—”

Manager: *surprised* Wait, wait, wait… Did… Did you just refer to a student as a client?”

Me: “Well, yeah…”

Manager: “I am so proud of you…”

No Cable Makes You A Cry-Baby(sitter)

, , , | Related | September 20, 2017

(A customer has a bad signal issue that we have to dispatch a technician for during a busy part of the year.)

Me: “We have an opening in two days.”

Customer: “Two days?! No cable for two days? Well, who’s gonna watch my kids?!”

Email Fail, Part 13

, , , , | Working | September 17, 2017

Me: “Hey, [IT Guy], I had to change my password to log onto my computer yesterday, and, like an idiot, I forgot what I changed it to today, and I am locked out. Can you fix it for me?”

IT Guy: “Sure.”

(Twenty minutes later…)

Me: “So… how’s it going?”

IT Guy: “Oh, yeah, I sent you an email.”

Me: “…My email is on my computer. The computer I am currently locked out of.”

Why Did The Rubber Chicken Cross The Road?

, , , , | Right | September 9, 2017

(I have been experiencing Internet outages all day, and once a snow storm hits, there is nothing. I call to double check if there are any other problems in the area.)

Tech: “Thank you for calling [Service Provider]. This is [Tech]. How may I help you?”

Me: “My Internet is out, and I was wondering if there were any outages in the area.”

Tech: “I can certainly check that for you. Give me a moment…” *brief pause* “It seems there are only a handful of people who are without connection, so I don’t think it is an area issue. What is the modem doing?”

Me: “Well, it’s odd. All the lights are on as if it were working, but I definitely can’t access any websites.”

Tech: “Okay. Just a few questions for you to determine this isn’t the router. Do you have any baby monitoring devices in the house?”

Me: “No.”

Tech: “Do you have any new remote devices at all?”

Me: “No.”

Tech: “Is your home built on top of an ancient Indian burial ground?”

Me: *giving my fiancé a twisted face and giggling* “No.”

Tech: “Okay, then. I’m going to ask you to unplug the router from the modem so I may check the connection on our end.” *gives me instructions* “And don’t forget to stand on one leg while holding a rubber chicken. Most people forget that.”

(We go through a few more steps, the results of which are baffling him, because his system says there’s no connection, but my equipment says otherwise.)

Tech: “I knew it… you didn’t hold the rubber chicken.” *sigh* “Nobody ever listens.”

Me: *trying not to lose it, I giggle more* “You sure there aren’t any other outages? The storm outside is pretty bad.”

(A short conversation reveals he is in Louisiana and had no idea there was a storm.)

Tech: “Even though the storm may have something to do with it, I’m not ruling out the possibility of an ancient burial ground. However, I am going to recommend we replace your modem.”

(We set up an appointment for the next day.)

Tech: “I would like to thank you for calling [Service Provider], and for being patient with both the troubleshooting and my sense of humor. Have a good night.”

(I stay on the line to wait for the automated survey to give him an excellent review. I hang up and finally let my laughter go. Both my fiancé and roommate look confused. I tell them about the conversation.)

Fiancé: “I would have liked to hear his reaction if you told him you held a rubber duck instead.”

Never Been A Big Fan Of Labels

, , , , | Right | September 3, 2017

(It is 1998, and I have one caller who can’t get his CD-ROM to read discs. The drive has already been replaced on a previous call, so I know it isn’t the hardware. I spend over an hour with the user on the phone trying different CDs, reseating cables, uninstalling and reinstalling drivers, checking the registry for bugs, and anything else I can think of. The caller is an elderly gentleman, so every step takes twice as long as usual to explain and have him complete. Finally, I am at my wit’s end.)

Me: “Okay, let’s go ahead and put the disc in one last time.”

Caller: “Okay. Wait, it goes in label-side down, right?”

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