Not-So-Smartphone, Part 14

| IA, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I am about to reset a customer’s modem and I want to know if it will disconnect our call when I do.)

Me: “Are you using a cell phone right now?”

Customer: “I have a laptop.”

Me: “…Are you using a cell phone to talk to me right now?”

Customer: “I’ve got a laptop.”

Me: *giving up* “What I’m doing will reboot your modem.”

Customer: “That’s okay. I’m on a cellphone.”

Related:
Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 13

Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 12
Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 11

 

Wireless, Clueless & Hopeless, Part 22

| BC, Canada | Extra Stupid, Technology

Caller: “Hey, I can’t connect to my home wifi when I’m not at home.”

Me: “Sir, it won’t, as your wifi has a range limitation.”

Caller: “Well, I was in the mall and I wanted to know what the gas prices are.”

Me: “Sir, do you have a data plan on your cell?”

Caller: “I DON’T KNOW! I WANT TO CONNECT TO MY HOME WIFI! YOU’RE NO HELP AT ALL!” *click*

Related:
Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 21

Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 20
Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 19

Won’t Miss This Misogynist

| BC, Canada | Bad Behavior, Bigotry

(The customer calls in because he has no signal on his TV. After verifying simple things, such as ‘is the cable box turned on,’ the customer randomly turns nasty.)

Me: “Okay, sir, can you just press input on your remote for me?”

Caller: “I’M NOT A DUMMY!”

Me: “Nobody assumed that, sir. I just need you to press input so we can get to video.”

Caller: “NO, WHO ARE YOU TALKING TOO?! THIS IS A JOKE! WHAT DO I DO?”

Me: “Sir, press input and then we sel—”

Caller: “NO! F*** YOU! YOU PUT ME ON TO A MAN RIGHT NOW, YOU LITTLE S**T!”

Me: “I can’t transfer you back to the queue and that’s exceptionally sexist.”

Caller: “WELL, I AM F****** SEXIST! NOW PUT ME ONTO A MAN, YOU DIRTY S**T.  I’M NO F****** DUMMY!”

Me: “Your wife must be a very lucky woman and I don’t have to take this abuse; I am terminating this call.”

You’re Only Cursing Yourself

| USA | Bad Behavior, Language & Words

(One of the few good policies is that we can hang up, with no warning, on customers if they start cursing at us.)

Technical Support Representative #1: “[Company] tech support. What may I help you with?”

Caller: “Your [bleeping] piece of [bleep] is not [bleeping] working.”

Technical Support Representative #1: “Sir, if you don’t stop cursing and tell me what the issue is…”

Caller: “[Bleep] you, just fix the [bleep]ing piece of [bleep].”

Technical Support Representative #1: *click*

Technical Support Representative #2: *same thing*

Technical Support Representative #3: *same thing*

(By now we are sharing the customer number and start answering:)

Technical Support Representative #6: “If you curse, we hang up…”

Caller: “[Bleep].”

Technical Support Representative #6: *click*

(A few more rounds of this and he finally gets to me.)

Me: “Shut up and listen. We are here to help you. You curse, I hang up. Now tell me what’s wrong and I’ll help you. Your call, curse or help?”

Caller: *in a rather meek voice* “Okay, but I’m a bit frustrated.”

Me: “Don’t worry; I’ll walk you through it.”

(He cursed once in the conversation, paused and apologized. It took only ten minutes and was a really a simple fix.)

Instruction Deconstruction

| Cleveland, OH, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I work tech support for a large corporation that services 50,000+ employees. It is not uncommon, when there are new upgrades or software, for our users to receive instructions on how to perform the installs themselves. We usually got a good number of calls from people who don’t read the instructions and just call into the help desk.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company] corporate help desk. My name is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Hi, I just got the email that I’m supposed to install [newest upgrade] and need some help with it.”

Me: “Okay, I can help you with that. Did you get the instructions?”

Customer: “Yes, I have it right in front of me.”

Me: “Okay, at what point are you having the issues.”

Customer: “I scrolled to the bottom to get your number and called in.”

Me: “Okay, let me get my copy of the instructions opened up and we’ll see if we can get this done.”

(I open the PDF file and bring up my instructions.)

Me: “Okay, now what does it say for step #1.”

Customer: *reads instructions to me for step #1*

Me: “Okay, do that. Now what does it say for step #2.”

Customer: *reads instructions to me for step #2*

Me: “Okay, do that.”

Customer: “Wait a minute, are you just going to have me read the instructions and do it step by step?”

Me: “Yes, that’s exactly what we are going to do. My instructions are no different than yours.”

Customer: “Well, that’s not much help. I could do that by myself!” *click*

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