Failed The Name Game, Part 2

| CO, USA | Bizarre, Funny Names

(My company handles hardware and software issues for several well known fast food chains. We get a ticket that I need to call the store on to confirm some information.)

Me: “Hello, I’m with [Company], your hardware company. Is the manager on duty available?”

Customer: “Umm, no [Manager] left and [Other Manager] left.”

Me: “Okay. What is your name?”

Customer: “I don’t know. Let me check.”

Related
Failed The Name Game

Your Keyboards Days Are Numbered

| NY, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

User: “Hi, I’m having an issue entering in the numbers in this field.”

Me: “Okay, let me proxy into your computer and I’ll see what I can do.”

(I proxy into the computer, click in the field, type with no issues:)

Me: “It looks like this is working okay for me; can I have you try to enter that in again?”

User: *typing* “It’s not working.”

Me: “Hmm, okay, you’re typing in numbers there?”

User: “Yes, but it’s not working.”

Me: “Can I have you press the Num Lock button on your keyboard? It should be on the right side, directly above the 7 key.”

User: “I don’t see it.”

Me: “It’s on the keyboard, on the right side. It’s near the 7 button, on the number keypad, all the way on the right of the keyboard.”

User: “I don’t see a 7.”

Me: “…Okay, so on the keyboard—”

User: “I don’t see anything like that.”

Me: “So, you’re looking at the thing you’re typing on, correct? Not at the screen?”

User: “I just don’t see a 7 anywhere here.”

(I notice that the mouse is moving on the screen, tracking back and forth across the taskbar at the bottom of Windows.)

Me: “I think you’re looking at the screen; I need you to look at the keyboard, the thing you are typing on.”

User: “I was typing in this text box…”

Me: “Oh, no, not on the screen there, but on the keyboard. The hardware under the screen, that you type with.”

User: “But I don’t see anything like that.”

Me: “Okay, so when you place your hands in a position to type—”

User: “Oh, on the KEYBOARD.”

Me: “…Yes, do you see the 7 button on the keyboard?”

User: “…”

Me: “…”

Me: “Directly above the 7 button is the Num Lock button. It’s on the far right side.”

User: “I just don’t see that.”

(10 minutes later, I discovered that the issue was a disconnected keyboard.)

Not-So-Smartphone, Part 14

| IA, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I am about to reset a customer’s modem and I want to know if it will disconnect our call when I do.)

Me: “Are you using a cell phone right now?”

Customer: “I have a laptop.”

Me: “…Are you using a cell phone to talk to me right now?”

Customer: “I’ve got a laptop.”

Me: *giving up* “What I’m doing will reboot your modem.”

Customer: “That’s okay. I’m on a cellphone.”

Related:
Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 13

Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 12
Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 11

 

Wireless, Clueless & Hopeless, Part 22

| BC, Canada | Extra Stupid, Technology

Caller: “Hey, I can’t connect to my home wifi when I’m not at home.”

Me: “Sir, it won’t, as your wifi has a range limitation.”

Caller: “Well, I was in the mall and I wanted to know what the gas prices are.”

Me: “Sir, do you have a data plan on your cell?”

Caller: “I DON’T KNOW! I WANT TO CONNECT TO MY HOME WIFI! YOU’RE NO HELP AT ALL!” *click*

Related:
Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 21

Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 20
Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 19

Won’t Miss This Misogynist

| BC, Canada | Bad Behavior, Bigotry

(The customer calls in because he has no signal on his TV. After verifying simple things, such as ‘is the cable box turned on,’ the customer randomly turns nasty.)

Me: “Okay, sir, can you just press input on your remote for me?”

Caller: “I’M NOT A DUMMY!”

Me: “Nobody assumed that, sir. I just need you to press input so we can get to video.”

Caller: “NO, WHO ARE YOU TALKING TOO?! THIS IS A JOKE! WHAT DO I DO?”

Me: “Sir, press input and then we sel—”

Caller: “NO! F*** YOU! YOU PUT ME ON TO A MAN RIGHT NOW, YOU LITTLE S**T!”

Me: “I can’t transfer you back to the queue and that’s exceptionally sexist.”

Caller: “WELL, I AM F****** SEXIST! NOW PUT ME ONTO A MAN, YOU DIRTY S**T.  I’M NO F****** DUMMY!”

Me: “Your wife must be a very lucky woman and I don’t have to take this abuse; I am terminating this call.”

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