Something Obviously Isn’t Clicking, Part 2

| Finland | Working | February 15, 2013

Me: “Have you removed those old reports?”

Coworker: “I tried, but it doesn’t work.”

Me: “Alright, let me see. Click ‘Reports.'”

Coworker: *clicks the ‘Search’ button*

Me: “No, I said click ‘Reports.’ Not search.”

Coworker: “But this is how I do it.”

(My coworker continues to do it with the old way, which doesn’t work.)

Me: “Go back to the start, and click ‘Reports.'”

Coworker: *clicks ‘Search’ again*

Me: “NO! I said ‘Reports!’ Not ‘Search!’ Start again.”

Coworker: *finally clicks ‘Reports’*

Me: “Third time’s the charm!”

Something Obviously Isn’t Clicking

Listorical Revisionism

| Washington, USA | Working | February 15, 2013

(I am working tech support for a large company. We are strongly discouraged from giving any caller a flat “no,” no matter how strange the request. We’ve just recently rolled out a new mailing list, which already gets hundreds of messages daily.)

Caller: “Hi, I was hoping you could help me. I sent out an email this morning with information about the new mailing list, but I made a typo in the name of the mailing list.)

Me: “Ah, I’m sorry to hear that. If you’d like, I can help you recall the email you sent and correct the typo.”

Caller: “No, I don’t want to do that. Just change the name of the list to be the same as in my email.”

Me: “Er… are you the owner of this list?”

Caller: “No, I was just sending the information out to all my execs. But now they have the wrong name for the list! You have to change the list to match my email!”

Me: “I’m afraid that only the owner of the list can change the name. Besides, a lot of people are already using this list, so if I change the name they won’t be able to use it any more. Perhaps you can send out another email with a correction?”

Caller: “I don’t care about that! If I send out a correction now, it’ll make me look bad. Just change the name of the list to match what’s in my email!”

Me: “…So, let me get this straight: instead of admitting or correcting your typo, you want me to change the universe to make it match your mistake?”

Caller: “Yes!”

A Coincidence Beyond Numbers

| UT, USA | Right | February 14, 2013

Me: “Thank you for calling technical support, this is [my name]. May I get your company’s phone number or ticket number, please?”

Customer: “My company’s number is [number].”

(This number pulls up her company, but it’s an inactive account. I then look it up by the company’s name, and find the active account under a completely different phone number.)

Me: “Alright, ma’am, it actually looks as though we have the account under this phone number.” *gives her the new number*

Customer: “That’s the number I gave you!”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry about that; I thought you had given me [first phone number].”

Customer: “No, no! I gave you [second number], not that other one. You typed it in wrong!”

Me: “Oh, okay. So I just happened to mistype the phone number into a completely different number, which also happened to pull up your company, just by chance?”

Customer: “YES!”

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PEBCAK, Episode VI

| MO, USA | Right | February 2, 2013

(I am a student worker at a college IT department. Most of our calls come from older professors who often have trouble with their machines. This call comes from a student.)

Me: “Hello, this is [school] IT department. What can I do for you today?”

Student: “Hello, yes, I’m trying to give a presentation in [classroom] but the projector won’t connect! It won’t show any image, you have to come right now!”

Me: “Thank you for calling, I’ll be right over.”

(I go to the classroom, and indeed, the projector says it can’t find any source. I check all the wiring, double check the projector, all while the class is waiting and the student is ranting.)

Student: “I can’t believe this! IT never gets anything right! I’m going to send out an email to the whole school about this! Why can’t you get it to work? I have to give this presentation!”

Me: “Well, I’m sorry, but everything is hooked up correctly, it should be working.”

Professor: “Well, I guess we’ll just have to push all the presentations back.”

(I suddenly realized I just assumed that someone my own age would know how to operate a computer, so I fall back on what I would do if this were a professor problem and go to open the cabinet where the computer tower is. I start to laugh as I realize the computer isn’t even turned on! I press the power button, and sure enough, the projector shows the start-up screen.)

Student: “You got it to work! What did you do? What was wrong with it?”

Me: “You didn’t turn on the computer.”

(The rest of the class laughs and the student sheepishly thanks me and logs on to the computer as I leave.)

PEBCAK, Episode V

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Brain Is Currently Offline, Part 2

| Atlanta, GA, USA | Working | January 21, 2013

(I have recently gotten a new wireless internet router and am attempting to connect my computer to it. The computer is resistant in the attempt and I go through the common sense tech support stuff before I finally call my new internet provider.)

Me: “Hi, I’m trying to connect my computer to the internet, but it is not being very cooperative. It is sensing the signal, but will not connect and isn’t even picking it up on the computer that it is hard-lined into it.”

Tech: “I will be able to help you today. Is your computer on?”

(I’m familiar with idiot checks, so I reply cooperatively.)

Me: “Yep.”

Tech: “Is your router on?”

Me: “Yes.”

Tech: “Is it plugged in?”

Me: “Um… yes. Because it’s on.”

Tech: “Is it plugged into the internet? Through the DSL? You check the wire on the back; it looks like a phone wire.”

Me: “I do know what DSL is, and yes, it’s plugged into the DSL.”

Tech: “The problem is with your computer. Do I have your permission to use a back-door to get onto your computer?”

Me: “You can’t.”

Tech: “So, I don’t have permission?”

Me: “Oh, you can try all you like. This isn’t a permission issue. To access my computer remotely, I need to be connected to the internet. I can’t get my computers to connect to the internet.”

Tech: “I cannot help you if you will not let me access your computer.”

Me: “Here, let me try again: you may access my computer. However, you need to use the internet connection to do so. And the internet connection does not exist right now. That’s why I’m calling.”

Tech: “Have you turned it on?”

Me: “Yes, I’ve turned it on, I’ve reset the router, I’ve checked and double-checked all the cords. The router appears to be transmitting, but not connecting. Nothing is connecting.”

Tech: “…And I will help you fix your computer if you will let me access it remotely.”

Me: “You know what? Yes. Remotely access my computer. Via the not-internet. And while your doing that, can you signal your manager? I’ll want to talk to him when we’re done.”

Tech: “Yes, I will call my manager.”

(He calls the manager, but in the meantime he asks questions necessary to remotely access my computer. Most of the answers are a bit disparaging.)

Me: “…No, I cannot give that code because I don’t have one because I’m not connected to the internet.”

Tech: “Ma’am, I think your problem is beyond my skill level. I am going to send you to the next level of techs.”

Me: “Can I talk to your manager first?”

Tech: “Yes, here he is.”

Manager: “Hi, can I help you?”

Me: “I certainly hope so. I have no internet connection. As in there is no internet. I’ve done the idiot-check protocols already. Everything is sufficiently plugged and secured. But internet is not coming into the house.”

Manager: “Okay, let me check something… Ah, the tech who installed your router forgot to call in and tell us to turn on your internet. Hang on…” *the sound of fast typing comes over the phone* “Okay, you should be receiving internet now.”

Me: “Ah, there we go! Connecting… let’s see… beautiful! We have internet! Thank you very much!”

Manager: “No problem.”

Tech: “Are you willing to participate in a customer service survey? It’ll take about five minutes.”

Manager: “…You probably want to skip that, [tech’s name].”

Me: “Bye.” *hangs up*

Brain Is Currently Offline

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