Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 7

| CA, USA | Right | April 23, 2013

Coworker: “Hey, my start bar is going crazy, and my keyboard won’t respond.”

Me: “Pick up your cell phone.”

Coworker: “That worked! Was the radiation interfering with the computer?”

Me: “No, it was sitting on your space bar.”

Related:
Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 6
Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 5
Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 4

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The Number One Problem With Laptops

| MA, USA | Right | April 23, 2013

(A customer drops off a laptop for repair. I set up the unit and test for common software and settings issues with no results. I turn the computer over, remove the bottom panel and immediately notice liquid and dried residue around the battery and main-board. A few seconds later a very strong smell of urine hits in waves and fills the tech. I call the customer to inform her of the findings.)

Me: “Hello, ma’am. I’ve taken a look at your computer, and we have found liquid inside the computer.”

Customer: “Yes, I know.”

Me: “Umm… the liquid appears to be biological in origin. Urine.”

Customer: “Yes, I know.”

Me: “…unfortunately, we are prohibited from working on computers that have a biological hazard in them. So I will have your computer available for pickup this afternoon.”

Customer: “So, when will it be fixed?”

Me: “I do apologize for the inconvenience, but we are unable to work on computers with this type of issue due to health regulations.”

Customer: “This is why I didn’t tell you guys that it got p***** on! F*** you! I’m going to talk to your manager and get you fired!”

(Two days later, my manager informed me that the customer had yelled at him when she picked up the computer. She then called home office to try to get us in trouble for discriminating against her when he wouldn’t order me to fix the computer.)

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His Definition Of Solid Is Not So Solid

| PA, USA | Right | April 22, 2013

(I’m on the phone with a customer who is having an Internet connection problem.)

Me: “Is the light on your modem blinking?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “So, it is solid then?”

Customer: “Yes. It’s solid, then it’s off, then it’s solid again, then it’s off again…”

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Not Even Remotely Close

| ON, Canada | Right | April 22, 2013

(My customer needs help setting up a 3rd party recording device, so I spend a few minutes explaining where the connections need to go. Then he asks for help programming our remote to control his 3rd party equipment.)

Me: “Okay, we’re almost ready to program it now! We just need one more piece of information. Can you find the manufacturer of your recorder for me?”

Customer: “Oh yeah, it’s a Hitachi.”

Me: “Excellent! Let’s see what the code is for Hitachi then. Give me one moment.”

Customer: “Did you need me to spell it for you?”

Me: “Well, you said it’s a Hitachi, right?”

Customer: “Yeah. But it’s spelled with a ‘B’.”

Me: “Sorry, did you say a ‘B’, as in bravo?”

Customer: “Yeah! It says T-O-S-H-I-B-A, Hitachi!”

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Needs To Back Up And See The Bigger Picture

| Sydney, NSW, Australia | Right | April 17, 2013

Client: “Can you make these messages go away?”

Me: “Which messages are those, sir?”

Client: “The ones I get when I run backups.”

Me: “Ah. What do they say?”

(He reads out the error messages.)

Me: “Uh, sir, how long have you been getting these errors for?”

Client: “Since your software was installed last year. Why?”

Me: “And did you report this earlier, sir?”

Client: “No, but they’re really starting to bug me. How do I make them go away?”

Me: “Sir, you do realise that ‘Backup Failed [error code], contact [supplier]‘ means you have no backups of your entire financial system?”

Client: “What the h*** does that matter? I’m sick of having to hit ENTER all the time! Just tell me how to get rid of these stupid messages!”

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