Me: “Welcome to the IT service desk. How can I help you today?”
Customer: “I’m trying to click on the power button, but for some reason it’s not working.”
Me: “The power button?”
Customer: “Yeah, you know, the one on the bottom right of the screen, with the green light? I’d have thought the help desk would know what a power button is.”
Me: “Sir, I’m afraid you don’t actually click on the power button. It’s a physical object and needs to be pressed with your finger.”
Customer: *slight pause* “I don’t get it. I’ll go back and try again…”
(Note: I’m doing tech support for a college professor.)
Me: “Can I have you look at the lights on the modem?”
Professor: “Yep, looking now.”
(There’s a lengthy pause while I wait for him to look. After he doesn’t say anything for awhile, I decide to ask.)
Me: “So, what are they doing?”
Professor: “Oh! Let me go look…”
(This goes on for another 15 minutes, where he doesn’t answer a single question I ask. I eventually manage to get him to plug a ethernet cable in, but it is still saying a cable is unplugged. He still will not not listen to me and goes on doing his own thing. Five minutes later…)
Me: “What port is the ethernet cable plugged into?”
Professor: “The only one it goes into.”
Me: “And what is the other end plugged into?”
Professor: “The computer…”
Me: “And the other end?”
Professor: “Well, it’s not plugged into anything.”
(I try to keep my calm, despite being exasperated.)
Me: “Can you plug that into the modem please?”
Professor: “Well, now it works. So what did we do?”
Me: “We plugged it in…”
Introducing Weekend Roundups: each week, we’ll be featuring some of our favorite stories from the Not Always Right archives.
Tech Support Classics! This week, we share five stories that reveal the trials, tribulations, and terrors that technical support employees endure daily.
- DE TING, DE TING!!!:
Problem: Video is blue and blue on “the thing.” You know…DE TING!!!
- Accountants And Their Blue Tape:
That’s right, kids! You too can click “Next” to discover the not-so-savory nether regions of your hard drive!
- Quantity Does Not Equal Quality:
When in doubt, just keep inserting.
- Guardian Of The Tubes And Protector Of The Google:
I CAN HAZ LORD LOLCATS NAO!
- His Repair Method Doesn’t Hold Water:
For this customer, DIY stands for “Drown It Yourself.”