Please Contact Manufacturer For Missing Parts

| Orlando, FL, USA | Bizarre, Health & Body, Technology

(I work for a major cable company troubleshooting internet problems over the phone. I am not sure if the customer in this story isn’t sober or just crazy, but he definitely isn’t right.)

Me: “All right…let’s reconnect the cables to your router and we’ll have you back up in no time.”

Customer: *distracted* “Hey, honey? How many fingers should I have?”

Wife: *in the background* “You have five on each hand.”

Customer: *panicking* “Oh, God! I’ve only got four and my thumb!” *to me* “I’m going to have to call you back. I need to dial 911 now!” *hangs up*

Robbing Peter To Connect Paul

| Milwaukee, WI, USA | Technology, Top

(While working for a customer service department, I get this call.)

Caller: “How do I hook up my cable box to the VCR, and the VCR to the TV?”

(I walk her through the process, TV out from the back of the cable box, to TV in on the VCR, TV out on the VCR, to antenna in on the television.)

Caller: “No, not getting anything.”

(I explain it to her again.)

Caller: “Still nothing.”

(I walk her through the process: “A” to “B”, “C” to “D”. I do this for the next half hour with no result. Finally, I give up.)

Me: “Ma’am, how many cables do you have?”

Caller: “One.”

Me: “So, when I ask you to attach the cable to each point, where do you get the cable from?”

Caller: “Oh, I just disconnect it from the previous spot!”

Doctor, We’ve Got A Serious Case Of Self Loathing

| Missouri, USA | Technology

(This occurs at the end of a tech support call. I’ve taken the customer through troubleshooting steps that worked, resulting in the customer being back online. He’s followed instructions better than a lot of people I talk to.)

Customer: *dejectedly* “Thanks for helping me. I’m just so stupid.”

Me: “No, no, you did great! You got it working!”

Customer: *incredibly sadly* “Yeah, but you had to tell me everything!”

Me: *trying hard to cheer him up* “Well, this is my job; I was trained for this. I’m sure you know things about your job that I wouldn’t know!”

Customer: “No, I’m stupid at my job, too…”