Turned The Problem Right Around

| IL, USA | Right | April 10, 2013

Me: “Good morning, thank you for calling [tech support]. How may I help you today?”

Customer: “Yes, the mouse that came with my computer is defective; it is not working right.”

Me: “I am sorry to hear that; how exactly is the mouse defective?”

Customer: “When I move the mouse right, the pointer goes left. When I move the mouse left, the pointer goes right.”

Me: “Okay, when you look down at the mouse, there is one cable sticking out of the mouse, right?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Is that cable facing toward you or away from you?”

Customer: “The cable in the mouse is facing toward me.”

Me: “Let’s try this; please turn the mouse around so that the cable is facing away from you.”

Customer: “It’s working now!”

1 Thumbs
1,791
VOTES

A Customer To Send You Up In (Broken) Arms

| Berlin, Germany | Right | April 8, 2013

(I have a broken hand, and have my arm in a plaster.)

Me: “Hello this is [name] from IT support. What can I do for you?”

Customer: “Hello, I have a problem.”

Me: “Okay, what is your concern?”

Customer: “As I said, I have a problem.”

Me: “Okay, I should be more specific. What is your problem about?”

Customer: “My computer doesn’t work as it should.”

Me: “What is it your computer is supposed to do? I mean what program do you want to start, or what you want to do with your computer?”

Customer: “Are you a moron? I told you my computer doesn’t work. I want you to fix it right now!”

Me: “I need more inf—”

Customer: “You’re just being stupid and lazy! You’re a bunch of f****** morons! I will get your a** fired, and I will get it done today!”

Me: “Please calm down and—”

Customer: “Don’t tell me what I have to do! I want to talk to your manager!”

(My manager sits in the same office and has heard everything.)

Manager: “Give her to me.”

(She takes the call and leaves the room. Some moments pass as my manager talks to her. She comes back crying. I get the customer back on my phone; I’m really mad, as my manager is a friendly person.)

Customer: “WILL YOU NOW HELP ME, MORON? I NEED MY COMPUTER TOD—”

Me: “Shut up.”

Customer: “What!”

Me: “I’ll give it a last try. If you yell at me, I’ll quit the call, and you will have to fix your computer by yourself, understand?”

Customer: “Erm… well yes, but—”

Me: “No ‘buts’. So, what program do you want to use?”

(From this point on, it’s easy. I get the information I need to take her case, and give it to a team of specialists. After the call my coworker gets my attention.)

Coworker: “What the h*** did you just do?”

Me:*looking down* “Oh, yeah. I broke my plaster.”

Coworker: “You just yelled at a customer, defended our manager, and risked your job, and the only thing you care for is your plaster?”

Me: “I thought it was a really nice plaster.”

(This makes my manager smile again, and all my other coworkers laugh. I still work for the company, but now all the angry and rude customers are sent directly to me.)

1 Thumbs
2,735
VOTES

Infinitely Loopy, Part 8

| Portland, OR, USA | Working | April 5, 2013

(Our email server for the entire company has gone down. I am aware of the outage and get my small team to work on it immediately. Not five minutes goes by when the phone rings…)

Me: “Yes?”

Boss: “I AM NOT GETTING EMAIL!”

Me: “Right, I know. I just texted you that the servers are down. I’m working on it right now.”

Boss: “You need to resolve this ASAP.”

Me: “Uh… I am.”

Boss: “When will you have it fixed?”

Me: “I don’t know. It just went down less than five minutes ago. I was in the middle of trying to figure out what was wrong when you called.”

Boss: “You need to fix it ASAP!”

Me: “Yeah, I know; I am working on it.”

Boss: “Also, you need to email the entire IT department to let everyone know there is an outage.”

Me: “…Uh, how praytell do you want me to do that?”

Boss: “Email the IT group!”

Me: “Think about what you just asked me to do.”

Boss: “Oh… uh, guess you can’t email, can you?”

Me: “Nope. So, can I go back to fixing this now?”

Boss: “Well, make sure you email when it’s back up!”

Related:
Infinitely Loopy, Part 7
Infinitely Loopy, Part 6
Infinitely Loopy, Part 5
Infinitely Loopy, Part 4
Infinitely Loopy, Part 3
Infinitely Loopy, Part 2
Infinitely Loopy

Should Keep Better Account Of Their Account

| USA | Right | March 28, 2013

(I work for a company that provides online subscriptions of technical software. A customer calls us from Colorado.)

Customer: “I need the password to my account.”

Me: “I can assist you with that; can you verify your username?”

Customer: “I don’t know it. That’s why I’m calling you.”

Me: “Okay. Well, how about your email address?”

Customer: “Try these…”

(He gives me five email addresses. I search them all.)

Me: “Sir, I can’t find these. Can you tell me the company name?”

Customer: “Try these…”

(He gives me two company names. I am getting suspicious, but I look them up anyway.)

Me: “Sir, I still can’t find these. What about any names that may be on the account.”

Customer: “F***! We signed up six months ago, and spent $2500 with your d*** company! We haven’t even used your s*** yet, so you better find my password.”

Me: “Would you have a confirmation number?”

Customer: “NO! Where the f*** would that be?”

Me: “It would’ve been sent in an email.”

Customer: “That was six months ago! Who the f*** keeps emails that long?”

Me: “Well, if I’d spent $2500 on something, I’d try to keep track of it.”

Customer: “F*** you. You’re not helping me because you don’t f****** want to. I want to speak to your supervisor.”

Me: “Sir, I am the supervisor. And if you have no confirmation number, no receipt, no username, no valid email address, no valid company name, and no valid customer name, I have no way to look up your account.”

Customer: “Look it up under [somewhat common name].”

Me: “Well, I do have one customer under that name.”

Customer: “That’s it!”

Me: “But he’s out of Texas, and he has never purchased what you say you’ve purchased.”

Customer: “Well it may be under Jennifer’s name.”

Me: “What’s Jennifer’s last name?”

Customer: “I don’t know. Just give me Jennifer’s account.”

Me: “Sir, we have at least 150 registered users named Jennifer.”

Customer: “Well find one out of Colorado and give me her username.”

Me: “If you’d like to tell ‘Jennifer’ to call us and give us authorization to give you access to her account, I’d be more than happy to help you.”

Customer: “Oh f*** you, you guys are worthless.” *hangs up*

1 Thumbs
1,860
VOTES

No ID-ea Who Is Hiding Under There

| Richmond, VA, USA | Right | March 25, 2013

(A coworker and I are working under our walk-up counter; we’re running cables for a new computer station. I overhear a customer talking to the tiny freshman girl working above us at the counter.)

Customer: “I’m here to pick up my laptop.”

Female Coworker: “Okay, it looks like it’s all paid up. I just need to see your ID.”

Customer: “What? Why?”

Female Coworker: “I just need to verify it’s your computer.”

Customer: “Well I don’t have my ID. Just give it to me.”

Female Coworker: “I’m sorry, sir, but we can’t—”

(There are the sounds of quick struggle. She steps back holding the laptop.)

Female Coworker: “Sir, you can’t take the laptop without ID! Now you need to leave or I will have to have you escorted out.”

(I pop up to see what’s going on. The customer looks at me and laughs.)

Customer: “Him? This little b**** is going to escort me out? I’d love to see that!”

Me: “She didn’t mean me…”

(My other co-worker, who was still under the desk, grabs the edge of the counter and hauls his 300lb. self up to his full imposing 6’6″ height.)

Me: “…she meant him.”

(The customer’s face goes pale.)

Customer: “Uh… um… so, I can just come back with my ID and pick that up, then?”

Giant Coworker: “Yes, sir. Feel free to ask for me if you have any more problems.”

Customer: “No! Er, I mean, no; I can’t imagine there’d be any more problems.”

(We now joke that we should keep our giant under the desk for all such issues.)

1 Thumbs
2,508
VOTES
Page 50/131First...4849505152...Last