Eye Of Noob And Toe Of Error Logs

| Chattanooga, TN, USA | Working | April 23, 2013

(I am about to walk out of my office door to take a break. As I open the door one of the manufacturing managers is just standing there staring at me.)

Manager: “Hey, you got a minute?”

Me: “I was about to take a break, but sure.”

Manager: “Well, my computer is broken so you have to come and fix it.”

Me: “What’s going on?”

Manager: “The computer won’t wake up!”

Me: “What all have you tried?”

Manager: “I have been slamming on the keyboard keys for 20 minutes and nothing.”

(I notice that the screen is black and decide to investigate. His desktop unit is located under his desk.)

Me: “There, all fixed.”

Manager: “What was it?!”

Me: “It wasn’t turned on.”

Manager: “Witchcraft!”

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His Definition Of Solid Is Not So Solid

| PA, USA | Right | April 22, 2013

(I’m on the phone with a customer who is having an Internet connection problem.)

Me: “Is the light on your modem blinking?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “So, it is solid then?”

Customer: “Yes. It’s solid, then it’s off, then it’s solid again, then it’s off again…”

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Not Even Remotely Close

| ON, Canada | Right | April 22, 2013

(My customer needs help setting up a 3rd party recording device, so I spend a few minutes explaining where the connections need to go. Then he asks for help programming our remote to control his 3rd party equipment.)

Me: “Okay, we’re almost ready to program it now! We just need one more piece of information. Can you find the manufacturer of your recorder for me?”

Customer: “Oh yeah, it’s a Hitachi.”

Me: “Excellent! Let’s see what the code is for Hitachi then. Give me one moment.”

Customer: “Did you need me to spell it for you?”

Me: “Well, you said it’s a Hitachi, right?”

Customer: “Yeah. But it’s spelled with a ‘B’.”

Me: “Sorry, did you say a ‘B’, as in bravo?”

Customer: “Yeah! It says T-O-S-H-I-B-A, Hitachi!”

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Needs To Back Up And See The Bigger Picture

| Sydney, NSW, Australia | Right | April 17, 2013

Client: “Can you make these messages go away?”

Me: “Which messages are those, sir?”

Client: “The ones I get when I run backups.”

Me: “Ah. What do they say?”

(He reads out the error messages.)

Me: “Uh, sir, how long have you been getting these errors for?”

Client: “Since your software was installed last year. Why?”

Me: “And did you report this earlier, sir?”

Client: “No, but they’re really starting to bug me. How do I make them go away?”

Me: “Sir, you do realise that ‘Backup Failed [error code], contact [supplier]‘ means you have no backups of your entire financial system?”

Client: “What the h*** does that matter? I’m sick of having to hit ENTER all the time! Just tell me how to get rid of these stupid messages!”

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Buy A 50N1 Next Time

| TX, USA | Right | April 12, 2013

(I am listening in on a call with an agent about programming a remote to the elderly customers TV.)

Agent: “I’ll be happy to help you with that, sir. What brand of TV do you have?”

Customer: “It’s a V1210 TV.”

Agent: “Pardon?”

Customer: “It’s a V1210 TV.”

(The agent looks at me in total confusion.)

Me: “Does he mean Vizio?”

Agent: “Sir, are you it isn’t Vizio?”

Customer: “Oh, yes! Vizio! I probably should’ve put my glasses on before I checked.”

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