Detached From (Digital) Reality

, | Beltsville, MD, USA | Technology, Top

(I work for an online retail store. When customers send orders to addresses different from their card, we e-mail them a Word document form. This form requires they fill it out and e-mail it back to us.)

Customer: “I don’t understand. I’ve sent this form to you several times now.”

Me: “Sir, I saw your e-mail, but the form wasn’t attached to it.”

Customer: “Attached? How do you do that?”

Me: “What program or e-mail provider do you use?”

Customer: “I don’t know. I just write e-mails.”

Me: “Well, is your e-mail through Outlook, or is it something in a browser, like AOL, Yahoo, or Gmail?

Customer: “Yahoo.”

Me: “Okay. Well, you need to look for—”

Customer: “Hold up! I don’t even have my e-mail open. Why do I need to do this? I used your program and sent you the file.”

Me: “What program, sir?”

Customer: “Microsoft Office. And now it’s opening a bunch of files! 1, 2, 3, 4…20!”

Me: “Did you click on our file a bunch of times?”

Customer: “No! I just clicked on what you sent me! Your program is really stupid.”

Me: “Sir, that’s not our program. We sent you a document. The program to open it is someone else’s.”

Customer: “Well, your ‘document’ has a virus! There are 20 things on my screen now!”

Me: “It’s not a virus, sir. Just close those windows down, and we’ll start from scratch…”

Customer: *a few minutes later* “There. I filled out the form. You should have it.”

Me: “Sir, did you save it and attach it to the e-mail?”

Customer: “What do you mean? I filled it out! You should have it.”

Me: “You have to save it and attach it to the e-mail.”

Customer: “That’s stupid! Your program should just send it to you!”

Me: “Sir, again, that’s not our program. That is just a Word document that you save your information in.”

Customer: “You should use a program that just lets you fill it out and it sends the information.”

Me: “Sorry, our documents don’t do that.”

Customer: “This is ridiculously complicated. I’m about to cancel my order!”

Me: “If you wish to do that sir, it’s up to you.”

Customer: “I mean, how do you run your business? I have a Master’s in Computer Science! If I can’t figure this out, who could?!”

Weekend Roundup: Spelling Disasters

, , , | Not Always Right | Language & Words, Roundups

Spelling Disasters! This week, we share five stories of customers with spelling so bad, they need it spelled out for them!

  1. Their Spelling Is Wrong, But They Are Sticking To It:
    E is for Elmer’s Eskimos—you know, the ones that live in Eglues!
  2. It’s Spelled I-d-i-o-t:
    Welcome to Indiamimbindokiamn, Indiana. Population: Stupid!
  3. I Have Lost A Dream:
    A lost customer does battle with an abbreviation—and loses.
  4. Congra-duh-lations:
    Congra-du-lations, your cake’s spelling is a lie!
  5. Spelling Gone Rogue:
    Somehow, “going rouge” doesn’t have the same ring to it.

PS #1: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!

PS #2: Read more roundups here!

As Clear As Muddy

, | Pennsylvania, USA | Language & Words, Technology

(I’ve just started on the floor for customer service for a cable company. A customer calls in saying his TV is “muddy”.)

Me: “Sorry, sir, I’m not understanding what is wrong with your TV. Is it pixelated, blue, or fuzzy?”

Customer: “No, it’s muddy.”

(After a few minutes of trying to figure out exactly what he meant by muddy.)

Me: “Sir…do you have mud on your TV?”

Customer: “D*** it! I said it’s muddy. M-U-T-E…MUDDY!”

Me: “Sir, do you see a muddy button on your remote?

Customer: “Yes. ”

Me: “Press the button.”

Customer: “That fixed it. Thank you so much!”