How To Make Them As Silent As A Mouse, Part 3

| Roanoke, VA, USA | Extra Stupid, School, Technology

(I work at an IT help desk during college, helping both students and faculty. We have a call from a Computer Science professor; he is in the middle of teaching a classroom and wants a new mouse.)

Me: *entering classroom* “You asked for a new mouse, right?”

Professor: “It took you long enough! We’ve been waiting to start class for 15 minutes now!”

Me: “Well, here you go.”

(I put his mouse on the desk and start to walk out.)

Professor: “Wait, aren’t you going to install it?”

Me: “…It’s a USB mouse.”

Professor: “So? I don’t know how to install these things!”

Me: “It’s a plug-and-play mouse. Sir, you just—”

Professor: “Just install the d*** mouse!”

(At this point, I realize what I’m dealing with. I walk over, plug the mouse into the port labelled “USB” on the front of the tower, and walk out. The class erupts into laughter. The next day, he filed a complaint against the IT department for ‘Defamation and Public Humiliation’.)

Related:
How To Make Them As Silent As A Mouse, Part 2
How To Make Them As Silent As A Mouse

Always Free To Complain

| Canada | Technology

(As an internet service provider, the company provides a free email account. The email server’s information is currently not working properly with third party applications such as Outlook.)

Customer: “My email is not working.”

Me: “Yes, we do apologise. Our mail server is experiencing problems at this time. However, it’s web based version is always accessible for your convenience.”

Customer: “I don’t want to use the internet. I want to receive my mail.”

Me: “You can still receive mail. You just have to go to [web address].”

Customer: “No. I want to be credited for this horrible thing.”

Me: “Well, sir, is your internet service working?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Well, unfortunately that’s the service you’re paying for. The email is provided free of charge, so I am afraid I cannot credit you, considering the service you’re being charge for is working.”

Customer: “I want to be credited because the email is down.”

Me: “But, sir. You pay nothing for the email. Zero dollars.”

Customer: “I don’t care! Credit me now!”

Me: “Okay, sir. I will be happy to credit you 50% of what you have paid for the email.”

Customer: “Thank you!”

Insulated From Logic

| NH, USA | Technology

(A customer has called our support line because his computer won’t turn on. After 30 minutes of basic troubleshooting I recommend he either bring his machine to us or have a tech dispatched for an on site repair. He chooses to have a tech dispatched. As I am finishing the call…)

Customer: “Oh, one last question. Can the tech work on my computer around the cooler, or do I have to remove it before he gets here?”

Me: “We generally advise that you don’t do anything like that yourself, since you would be voiding your warranty. If anything needs to be removed from the computer the tech will do it himself.”

Customer: “I know that. I was asking if I should remove the computer from the cooler.”

Me: “Remove the computer?”

Customer: “Yeah. Should I take it out of the cooler?”

Me: “Your computer is in a cooler? Like, the kind of cooler you take to a beach to keep your drinks cold? That kind of cooler?”

Customer: “Exactly.”

Me: “Why is your computer in a cooler, sir?”

Customer: “A few days ago I read that heat can be really bad for a computer. My living room gets really hot in the afternoon, so I put the computer in a cooler to protect it from the heat.”

Me: “Sir, you know that coolers are insulated, right?”

Customer: “I’m not stupid. I know what a cooler is.”

Me: “And you know that computers produce heat, right?”

Customer: “Like I said, I’m not stupid!”

Me: “Then you know what happens when you put something that produces heat inside of an insulated container, right?”

Customer: “I, uh, oh…”

Me: “…”

Customer: “This is going to be expensive, isn’t it?”