An Ink-ling That They’ve Been Cell-eeping Around

| Saginaw, MI, USA | Love/Romance, Technology

Customer: “Hey man, you do printers? I got this printer here. It doesn’t work, doesn’t print, doesn’t take paper, and just says ‘carriage jam.’ How much you tryin’ to charge me here?”

Me: “Whoa, hold on. Let’s take a look. It’s usually just a piece of paper in there. No big deal.”

(I plug the printer in, load up some scrap paper to test it on, and hit the copy button. It makes a makes a horrible grinding noise and shakes so hard the front panel pops open.)

Me: “Okay, that’s not a piece of paper. Any idea what happened?”

Customer: “No, man. I was just printing… uh… pictures, man… just nothing for work, you know?”

(I open all the access doors and start pushing against the rollers. I see a gray object with a headphone jack and a screen on it stuck way down into the mechanism.)

Me: “Sir, have you lost a cell phone recently?”

Customer: “No, man. It’s not a cell phone. It’s a printer, man. PRIN-TER.”

Me: “No, I know. It’s just… you seem to have a cellphone stuck down in there.”

I turn the printer around and show the customer. I eventually get his cellphone out, and as I go to print his receipt and he powers up his phone. Suddenly, the customer starts screaming, scaring everyone in the store.)

Customer: “That b****! F***ing w****! It’s HIS phone!” *breaks the phone*

(The customer gets a grip on himself and manages to pay his bill.)

Customer: “Knew it! F***ing knew it!” *walks out the store, minus his printer or cellphone*

Who Wants To Call Out The Answer

| Poole, UK | Technology

(A customer calls to inquire about location services/maps on his smartphone.)

Customer: “So, how do I get it to tell me where to go?”

Me: “Well, it’s Google Maps, so it’ll show your location, but it won’t give your step-by-step instructions as you drive or walk.

Customer: “So, what, you’re saying there’s no satellite navigation on the phone?”

Me: “No, sorry!”

Customer: “Then what’s the point of a phone?!”

This Caller’s Not Too Bright

| Charlottetown, PEI, Canada | Crazy Requests, Technology

Me: “Thank you for calling [company] Tech Support. My name is [name]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “The technician needs to come.”

Me: “Sorry about the issue you are having, what seems to be happening?”

Caller: ”It’s too bright!”

Me: “What seems to be too bright?”

Caller: ”The light!”

Me: “What light are you talking about?”

Caller: ”The light on the box!”

Me: “I’m sorry, what box are you referring to?”

Caller: ”Internet light!”

Me: “Is this the light to your modem or your computer?”

Caller: ”The light is too bright and I can’t sleep at night. I need the tech to come out and not make it bright!”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that. Have you tried turning the modem around to face a wall or put something over the lights?”

Caller: ”No, do you think that would work?”

Me: “Possibly.”

Caller: ”Well, I still want my other box back! It wasn’t bright!”

Me: “…”