Bust A Gut Laughing

| OK, USA | Right | June 24, 2014

(I do a lot of support for products I sell online via direct chat in text. Often google translate is used by customers. Unfortunately, my customer doesn’t know I speak Spanish and begins to rely on the translator. Please note that ‘tenía’ is past tense for ‘I have’ and ‘tenia’ means ‘tapeworm.’)

Me. “Ah, it appears that you unlinked the product. That’s okay; I’ll send you a new one.”

Customer: “Ah, tapeworm is my culpa!”

(My friends and I now use that for ‘my bad.’)

Way Ahead Of The Schedule

| Plano, TX, USA | Working | June 23, 2014

(We pick up a new supervisor during the year. They have made out the on-call schedule from September until March of the next year.)

Me: “I’ve got a problem with the on-call schedule you’ve just sent out.”

Supervisor: “Okay, what is it?”

Me: “You’ve got me working the holidays and I was planning on being off during that time.”

Supervisor: “Look, you have to accept it. Everyone has to work a holiday now and then. The rules for the major holidays are that if you work Thanksgiving, then you can have Christmas off and if you work Christmas, you can have Thanksgiving off. Also you never sent in a request to have off so I’ve scheduled you.”

Me: “Yes, I’m well aware what the rules are for holidays.”

Supervisor: “Then you understand you can’t have off.”

Me: “Did you bother to check who was on call last year? We’re not supposed to be on the major holiday if we had to be on call for either of them the year before. I’ve worked the last three Christmas seasons because of our short staff and turnovers as well as the last two Thanksgivings. Also I can produce an email approval with our manager before you were hired where I’ve requested Christmas off this year so that I can finally spend it with my family.”

Supervisor: “Oh. Well, I can’t reassign it. The schedule has already gone out.”

Me: “Oh, I think you can. It only went out ten minutes ago. In fact, I’m going to print out the schedule for the last three years and the email approval and visit the manager in about thirty minutes.”

(Voila, it got changed, but I was put back on Christmas the following year.)

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Fixed With A Male-To-Female Adaptor

| ON, Canada | Right | June 1, 2014

(I work tech support at an inbound call center for a fairly large ISP. A lot of customers get transferred by sales agents when they select the wrong option. I’m female.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. My name is [My Name]. How can we help you?”

Elderly Caller: “Oh, hello, dear. I’m just waiting for a tech support man.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. I’m tech support! How can I help?”

Elderly Caller: “Oh no, no, honey. I’m sure there will be a tech support man along to help me shortly. I don’t mind waiting on hold.”

(After a few minutes of attempting to get her information and assuring I can help, I finally resolve the issue and we say goodbye. A few hours later I get an email from a coworker who had spoken to the same woman. He transcribed a message she insisted get to me that read as follows:)

Message: “Please tell [my Name] that she fixed all the problems I had and I didn’t mean to be rude. I didn’t even know women were allowed to work tech support so it’s not my fault!”

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Working Here Can Be Magical

| SC, USA | Working | June 1, 2014

(At the call center where I work certain times of the year are known for being very slow, having long ready times between calls, and not much work to do. Additionally, my coworkers and I are all well established nerds. As a result, weekends during this time of year tend to be relaxed and some of us bring in games and things to play with while we’re waiting for calls.)

Me: “So I tap three mountains and counter your move.”

Coworker: “Fine. I tap an island, and play this. Discard three off the top of your deck.”

Supervisor: *suddenly stands up and looks over at us wide eyed* “Are you two seriously playing Magic: The Gathering on the call floor?”

Coworker: “Yep. You want in?  I got a green deck and a black deck left.”

Supervisor: “You know you can’t… Wait, is that a new deck?”

(He didn’t come play with us, but did stand around at our desks for almost an hour watching the game.)

Their Intelligence Is Capped

| USA | Right | May 25, 2014

Customer: “Your password isn’t working on this computer!”

Me: “Really? That’s weird. Everyone else seems to have logged in just fine.”

Customer: “Well, it’s not working for me and I need you to fix it.”

Me: “All right. I’ll see what I can do.”

(I walk over to my computer and double check to make sure I have the password right when it comes to me what the problem is.)

Customer: “Well?”

(I glance at his keyboard and sure enough, caps lock has been turned on. I press the caps lock key and start walking back to my desk.)

Customer: “Oh…”

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