Wireless, Clueless & Hopeless, Part 11

| UK | Technology

Me: “Thanks for calling [store name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “My internet won’t work! You have to fix it now! My business is losing hundreds of pounds thanks to you!”

Me: “I certainly do apologise about that. Are the lights on?”

Customer: “Yes, but one’s flashing.”

Me: “Okay, is the DSL cable plugged in securely?”

Customer: “DSL cable? There isn’t one of those!”

Me: “Erm, okay. So, what cables do you have plugged into it?”

Customer: “I haven’t got any plugged into it! It said it was a wireless router! So I don’t need any wires, duh!”

Me: “So… where is the router ma’am?”

Customer: “It’s in the filing cabinet, of course!”

Related:
Wireless, Clueless & Hopeless, Part 10

How To Make Them As Silent As A Mouse, Part 3

| Roanoke, VA, USA | Extra Stupid, School, Technology

(I work at an IT help desk during college, helping both students and faculty. We have a call from a Computer Science professor; he is in the middle of teaching a classroom and wants a new mouse.)

Me: *entering classroom* “You asked for a new mouse, right?”

Professor: “It took you long enough! We’ve been waiting to start class for 15 minutes now!”

Me: “Well, here you go.”

(I put his mouse on the desk and start to walk out.)

Professor: “Wait, aren’t you going to install it?”

Me: “…It’s a USB mouse.”

Professor: “So? I don’t know how to install these things!”

Me: “It’s a plug-and-play mouse. Sir, you just—”

Professor: “Just install the d*** mouse!”

(At this point, I realize what I’m dealing with. I walk over, plug the mouse into the port labelled “USB” on the front of the tower, and walk out. The class erupts into laughter. The next day, he filed a complaint against the IT department for ‘Defamation and Public Humiliation’.)

Related:
How To Make Them As Silent As A Mouse, Part 2
How To Make Them As Silent As A Mouse

Always Free To Complain

| Canada | Technology

(As an internet service provider, the company provides a free email account. The email server’s information is currently not working properly with third party applications such as Outlook.)

Customer: “My email is not working.”

Me: “Yes, we do apologise. Our mail server is experiencing problems at this time. However, it’s web based version is always accessible for your convenience.”

Customer: “I don’t want to use the internet. I want to receive my mail.”

Me: “You can still receive mail. You just have to go to [web address].”

Customer: “No. I want to be credited for this horrible thing.”

Me: “Well, sir, is your internet service working?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Well, unfortunately that’s the service you’re paying for. The email is provided free of charge, so I am afraid I cannot credit you, considering the service you’re being charge for is working.”

Customer: “I want to be credited because the email is down.”

Me: “But, sir. You pay nothing for the email. Zero dollars.”

Customer: “I don’t care! Credit me now!”

Me: “Okay, sir. I will be happy to credit you 50% of what you have paid for the email.”

Customer: “Thank you!”