How To Make Them As Silent As A Mouse, Part 3

| Roanoke, VA, USA | Learning | March 11, 2013

(I work at an IT help desk during college, helping both students and faculty. We have a call from a Computer Science professor; he is in the middle of teaching a classroom and wants a new mouse.)

Me: *entering classroom* “You asked for a new mouse, right?”

Professor: “It took you long enough! We’ve been waiting to start class for 15 minutes now!”

Me: “Well, here you go.”

(I put his mouse on the desk and start to walk out.)

Professor: “Wait, aren’t you going to install it?”

Me: “…It’s a USB mouse.”

Professor: “So? I don’t know how to install these things!”

Me: “It’s a plug-and-play mouse. Sir, you just—”

Professor: “Just install the d*** mouse!”

(At this point, I realize what I’m dealing with. I walk over, plug the mouse into the port labelled “USB” on the front of the tower, and walk out. The class erupts into laughter. The next day, he filed a complaint against the IT department for ‘Defamation and Public Humiliation’.)

How To Make Them As Silent As A Mouse, Part 2
How To Make Them As Silent As A Mouse

A Username By Any Other Name

| Chattanooga, TN, USA | Working | March 8, 2013

(The following takes place via email.)

(Day 1…)

User: “I need a laptop for a project, and I need it ASAP!”

Me: “I have one imaging for you and I will get it to you as quickly as I can.”

User: “Okay, but it is super important, so please hurry.”

(Day 2…)

Me: “I have your laptop ready. I just need your Windows log-in information so I can configure your Outlook, Lotus Notes, and NetMeeting.”

User: *no reply*

(Day 3…)

Me: “I am still waiting for your log-in information. Once I have it, I can have the laptop to you in 15 minutes.”

User: *no reply*

(Day 4…)

User: “Why is my laptop taking so long?!?!?!?!”

Me: “I sent you an email asking for your log-in information two days ago.”

User: “I don’t know what my log-in is. I never use it.”

Me: “Then how to do you log-in to your PC everyday?”

User: “Oh, you mean my username… you should have asked me for my username. I don’t know what a log-in is.”

Me: *facepalm*

Never Bet Against IT

| Alberta, Canada | Working | March 7, 2013

User: “I don’t have Word or Excel.”

Me: “Yes you do. Click start, go to All Programs, then Microsoft Office. It’s all there.”

User: “It’s not there. I’ve looked everywhere for the programs.”

Me: “Wanna make a bet?”

User: “Okay! How about a coffee? I take mine black…”

Me: “…and I’ll take an English Toffee!”

(We get to the user’s workstation. With him watching, I show him exactly where Word and Excel are located. It’s right where I told him.)

User: “Oh, there! I was looking in Devices and Printers!”

Me: *slapping user on the back* “No problem. Get me the coffee whenever you want! No rush!”

Twist And Shout

| Ireland | Right | March 7, 2013

(I work for a well known camera brand in their technical and customer support department. A customer calls in with quite an angry tone.)

Customer: “I have bought a lens for my camera and the lens cap is stuck on it and won’t come off. This is the second lens of this kind I have had. I had to get the first one replaced for the same issue. There is clearly a fault with this lens.”

Me: “I am very sorry to hear of your issue, sir. Can I ask what lens it is you have and where you bought it from?”

Customer: “It is a [lens model], and I bought it from [store]’s online store.”

Me: “Thank you. Can you please explain in what way you are having difficulty in getting the lens cap off?”

(I ask this because the lens cap normally just twists off, and it would be very unlikely for it to be stuck on purchasing the lens.)

Customer: “What a stupid question! I am turning it like on all my other lens. They’re supposed to twist off!”

Me: “Have you tried turning it the other way sir?”

Customer: “Oh!”

(There’s a long pause while the customer fiddles with their camera.)

Customer: “…Well, it should be clearer.” *click*

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They Call Me Names

| NB, Canada | Right | March 1, 2013

(I overhear a phone call another agent is having with a customer for technical support.)

Agent: “Hi, my name is [name]. Can I get your name and your TID please?”

Caller: *says something*

Agent: “Your name.”

Caller: *says something*

Agent: “Your N… A… M… E.”

Caller: *says something*

Agent: “NAME. N… A… M… E…”

Caller: *says something*

Agent: “No, your name.”

Caller: *says something*

Agent: “Okay, what do people call you when they want your attention?”

Caller: *says something*

Agent: “What did your mother call you when you were born?”

Caller: *says something*

Agent: “Forget that, what’s your station number?”

Caller: *says something*

Agent: “What’s the phone number at your site?”

Caller: *says something*

Agent: “This isn’t working, how about we just end the call now? Get someone that speaks English since the rest of the questions I will have for you are just going to get harder.” *hangs up*

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