Log On To The Clueless Wide Web, Part 2

| Missouri, USA | Technology

(I work at a call center geared toward internet and television technical support.)

Me: “Thank you for calling tech support. How may I help you today?”

Customer: “My service is out. It’s been out all day!”

Me: “Okay, I can help you with that. Is this your TV or internet service?”

Customer: “TV or what?”

Me: *slower* “Is this your TV or internet service?”

Customer: “What’s that?”

Me: “What’s what?”

Customer: “That second thing you said. What’s that?”

Me: “The internet.”

Customer: “Yeah, I don’t know what that is.”

Me: “Um, sir, it’s connected to computers.”

Customer: “I don’t know what that thing is, but I don’t got no computer.”

Me: “Okay, what kind of TV service do you have, then?”

(Thankfully, everything goes smoothly once we get off the topic of computers and internet.)

Related:
Log On To The Clueless Wide Web

Crazies Of Different Stripes

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | Uncategorized

(I perform technical service on analytical instruments for labs. I am in a lab fixing an instrument that has had a lot of issues.)

Lab tech: “Just pray over it. That will make it better. Just pray.”

Me: “I wish it were that easy! We’re almost there though.”

Lab tech: “You pray over it, I will go to hell. I have to go to hell to fight the zebras!”

Less Twilight, More Daylight, Part 4

| Texas, USA | Uncategorized

(I’m giving a jobseeker the email address of our recruiter. Note that this jobseeker is male.)

Me: “That’s L, V as in Victor, E as in echo.”

(He repeats the email address back to me.)

Caller: “That’s L as in love, V as in valentine, E as in Edward, and S as in Sam.”

Me: “Um, yeah.”

Related:
Less Twilight, More Daylight, Part 3
Less Twilight, More Daylight, Part 2
Less Twilight, More Daylight

Honesty In A Modern Age, Part 2

| USA | Uncategorized

Caller: “I know this app is new, but I just can’t figure out why you would release something that clearly doesn’t work!”

Me: “Hmm…everything looks okay on our end with your registration and activation.”

Caller:Something is wrong because this just doesn’t work! I can’t believe it!”

Me: “Well, sir, I’m not sure what else to try. Are you sure you’re in a Wi-Fi hotspot?”

(There’s a long pause.)

Caller: *starts laughing* “You aren’t going to believe this. I’m the Chief Technical Officer for my company and I’m still in airplane mode.”

Me: “So you’ve turned your Wi-Fi back on then?”

Caller: “Yeah. I feel kind of dumb right now.” *pauses* “Please don’t tell anyone.”

Me: *laughing* “My lips are sealed, sir.”

Related:
Honesty In A Modern Age

A Mother’s Gift

| Provo, UT, USA | Technology

Me: “Okay, before I reset your password, I just need you to verify your identity for me. Please respond to the security question that you set up when you made your account.”

User: “Okay, what is it?”

Me: “It looks like your security question is…’Show me what yo’ mamma gave you!'”

User: *raucous laughter*

(We laugh about it together for a good minute. The sound is so loud it draws the attention of my coworkers. He then admits that he remembers entering that security question, but has no idea what he put as the answer — which was simply his name.)

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