Abusing Our Good Name

| WI, USA | Funny Names, Technology

(Our tech support team works through phone, email, and chat. It is common for customers to contact us through one channel and follow up on another. I get a customer on the phone.)

Customer: “I already worked with someone in chat about this issue, but it’s still not working.”

Me: “All right, let me get the chat log called up so I see what you’ve done so far. Okay, so it looks like you told [Coworker] that the problem was [problem], and she recommended you try [basic troubleshooting]. Is that correct?”

Customer: “Yeah… wait, [Coworker]?”

Me: “Yes, you were chatting with [Coworker].”

Customer: “Really? [Coworker]?”

Me: “I have the chat log right here…”

Customer: “But I didn’t realize you actually had names!”

Me: “…um.”

Customer: “Oh! Sorry! That came out wrong. I meant I didn’t realize you used your real names in chat.”

Me: “Whew! Yeah, her name is actually [Coworker] and she’s pretty good with this stuff. Since those first steps didn’t work, though, let’s try these steps instead…”

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot Are You Talking About?

, | Birmingham, England, UK | Language & Words

(A user wanted a simple password change on their account.)

Me: “Right, I have changed your password to the word ‘RED.’”

User: “Red?”

Me: “Yes. Romeo. Echo. Delta.”

User: “Hang on, I get to the ‘h’ in Echo and it won’t let me enter any more characters.”

Me: “I am using the phonetic alphabet to spell out red to you.”

User: “So what do I put now?”

Me: “Just put the colour red.”

User: ‘The colour red’ doesn’t work.”

Me: “Just type the word red. R-E-D.”

User: “I’m in now. You should have just said that instead of Echo Delta Colours! Thanks!”

Adobe Photo-Flop

, | Birmingham, England, UK | Crazy Requests, Popular, Technology

(A user calls up as they do not know how to use Photoshop, despite being offered training originally.)

User: “This program is stupid. Why do I need all these buttons and functions?”

Me: “The program is a piece of professional software that is very high end, used for magazines and movie posters.”

User: “I just want to resize my dolphin photos!”

Me: “Well, first, you will need to open the photo concerned, then go to—“

User: “I haven’t got time for that! I just want these dolphin photos resized!”

Me: “You were offered training on this software when it was purchased.”

User: “I don’t have time to sit around doing training! I just want the software to do what I want it to do without clicking all of these buttons!”

Me: “I can talk you through the steps. Do you need to get a pen to write this down?”

User: “No. I am not messing around with this software any more! I have work to do! You ring Adobe and tell them I want this changed NOW.”

Me: “You want me to call Adobe and tell them to change their multi million dollar software because you don’t like it?”

User: “Yes! Let me know when they’ve done it!”

(The user hung up and I was left speechless. The user also chased it up to see if I had contacted them and if they had carried out the changes.)

Bigot Exists Between Chair And Keyboard

| Salt Lake City, UT, USA | Bigotry, Popular, Technology

(I work in a tech support call center where most of my day is spent helping our clients reset various aspects of their computer.)

Me: “Okay, I think I know the problem here, but I just need some information from you to be certain. This might not be the issue, but it’s best that we check it just in case.”

Client: *very polite and understanding* “Whatever gets us back up so we can help our customers works for me. What do you need from me?”

Me: “The computers that are having the network errors, did you update them recently? I know a patch came out for [Operating System] yesterday, and I’ve heard that there may be some compatibility issues with it.”

Client: “I’m not sure; I’ll ask. So you can fix it?”

Me: “Not exactly. I don’t have the permissions needed to do this from my end. Let me check something server side here, right quick. Do you mind if I put you on hold for a minute?”

Client: “No, go right ahead.”

(I put the client on hold and grab one of our higher techs (basically a manager). I tell him what’s up, and he agrees to handle the rest of the call.)

Level Two Tech: *after connecting to my call* “Sir, I’ve spoken with [My Name] in regards to your problem, and I’ll be handling the call from this point forward.”

Client: “It’s about time! That f***er doesn’t know a thing about computers! Where the did you find a [racial slur] like that?”

Me: “Uh… sir… I’m still on the line.”

Client: “You’re still on the line?”

Me: “Yep.”

Client: “I… uh… sorry! Uh… you… you can fix this right?”

Level Two Tech: “Sir, due to your use of profanity and racial slurs, we’re going to have to terminate the call. If you need further assistance, then you are welcome to call back once more. However such language will not be tolerated.” *ends call*

(About half an hour later, Client’s manager called back wanting to know why the tech [me] hung up on him and refused to assist as per our contract. While I didn’t take the call, I overheard when he was transferred to the Level Two tech from before. The last thing I remember hearing was the manager screaming through the phone “He said WHAT!?” followed by yelling at someone on the other end of the line. Ended up only taking about fifteen minutes to walk the manager through the problem.)

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Not-So-Smartphone, Part 15

| QLD, Australia | Extra Stupid, Popular, Technology

(I’m working at the front desk of a popular computer repair store that also repairs phones. It’s my first week working on front desk as I’m usually out the back fixing the computers. The owner and manager of the store is out here to supervise me. A man walks in wearing business casual and wanders around, looking at the display computers before coming to me.)

Me: “Hi, I’m [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Hey, yeah. I was wondering if you guys did phones?”

Me: “We sure do. What type of phone is it and what’s wrong with it?”

(He hands me the latest in a particular phone line. it’s pretty obvious what happened as the screen has smashed and one of the corners is dented. I put it down on the desk.)

Me: “All right, we’ll get right onto that. May I have your name?”

Customer: *completely ignoring my question* “How long do you think it will take?”

Me: “Screen replacements usually take about an hour. May I have your name?”

Customer: “Okay, cool.”

(He picks his phone up off the desk and makes towards the door.)

Me: “Uh, sir…?”

(He doesn’t listen and keeps walking out, exiting the building.)

Me: *turning to the manager* “Uh, did he just…?”

Manager: “Yep. He’ll be back.”

(Around an hour later, he returned and demanded to know if his phone had been fixed yet. It, of course, wasn’t and he berated me for being stupid and lazy even though he took the phone with him. My manager, previously having gone back to his office, came out to defend me and banned the customer from the store after he made a scene and broke one of our display computers. My manager bought me lunch after that.)

Related:

Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 14

Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 13

Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 12

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