Fashion Over Function Keys

| Glasgow, Scotland, UK | Technology, Top

(I’m working as a trainer in a Internet service provider tech support team and I’m taking a call to show the new people how it’s done. One of my assistants is recording the call so we can replay it later.)

Me: “Welcome to [ISP] tech support. How can I help you today?”

Caller: “I’m having problems writing an email. I just can’t seem to do it.”

(This ISP is known for its less tech savvy customers, so this is rather common.)

Me: “That’s okay. Do you see a icon like an envelope at the top of the screen?”

Caller: “Erm, yes!”

Me: “Okay, click on that.”

Caller: “Oh, a big box with 2 smaller boxes above it has opened up.”

Me: “Okay, one of those smaller boxes will say ‘To:’. Can you click on that, please?”

Caller: “Okay, done that. There’s a little flashing line!”

Me: “Good, now in that box, we’re going to type an email address. We’ll use mine as a test. It’s C-G-E–”

Caller: “Wait, wait! How do I put that in?”

(At this point, I’m wondering if the user can be this stupid.)

Me: “Well, on your keyboard, hit the letters C-G–”

Caller: “I can’t.”

Me: “Why?”

Caller: “I don’t have a keyboard!”

Me: “What?”

Caller: “Well, I threw it away.”

Me: “Wait. What? Why?!”

Caller: “It didn’t match the furniture!”

100% Chance Of Disaster

| Wellington, New Zealand | Technology, Top

(I answer calls for technical support within the company.)

Caller: “My computer is a fire risk.”

Me: “What makes you say that?”

Caller: “It gets hot. There are papers near it.”

Me: “If you’re worried about it, you can move the papers away.”

Caller: “I am moving the papers, but you must send someone to look at it.”

Me: “Computers usually get warm–”

Caller: “You don’t understand. My computer is a fire risk!”

Me: “Okay, I’ll log a job and get someone to look at it.”

Caller: “When? It is very urgent. I need someone to come now.”

(I log the job and ring the technician to explain that the customer is very keen to have someone come as soon as possible. The next day, he rings me back to tell me what happened.)

Technician: “You know that computer that was a fire risk?”

Me: “Yes?”

Technician: “She meant it was on fire.”

The Window To The World Wide Nothing

| Sweden | Technology

(One of our users calls me. She is having problems logging on to her web mail.)

Me: “What seems to be the problem, ma’am?”

Customer: “I can’t get into my e-mail!”

Me: “What browser are you using?”

Customer: “The Internet.”

Me: “Okay. Well, when you look at the Internet you are watching it through a window. What is written on the top border of that window?”

Customer: “No! I am not looking at a window! I am looking at the internet!”

First Name First, Last Name Last

| Little Rock, AR, USA | Technology

Teacher: “I can’t log in. I am using the username our IT guys set up for us.”

Me: “What username are you using?”

Teacher: “First_Lastname.”

Me: “So what is your first and last name?”

Teacher: “Oh…am I supposed to enter my real first and last name separated by an underscore?”

Me: “As opposed to what?”

Teacher: “As opposed to typing ‘First_Lastname’?”

Log On To The Clueless Wide Web, Part 2

| Missouri, USA | Technology

(I work at a call center geared toward internet and television technical support.)

Me: “Thank you for calling tech support. How may I help you today?”

Customer: “My service is out. It’s been out all day!”

Me: “Okay, I can help you with that. Is this your TV or internet service?”

Customer: “TV or what?”

Me: *slower* “Is this your TV or internet service?”

Customer: “What’s that?”

Me: “What’s what?”

Customer: “That second thing you said. What’s that?”

Me: “The internet.”

Customer: “Yeah, I don’t know what that is.”

Me: “Um, sir, it’s connected to computers.”

Customer: “I don’t know what that thing is, but I don’t got no computer.”

Me: “Okay, what kind of TV service do you have, then?”

(Thankfully, everything goes smoothly once we get off the topic of computers and internet.)

Related:
Log On To The Clueless Wide Web

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