100% Chance Of Disaster

| Wellington, New Zealand | Technology, Top

(I answer calls for technical support within the company.)

Caller: “My computer is a fire risk.”

Me: “What makes you say that?”

Caller: “It gets hot. There are papers near it.”

Me: “If you’re worried about it, you can move the papers away.”

Caller: “I am moving the papers, but you must send someone to look at it.”

Me: “Computers usually get warm–”

Caller: “You don’t understand. My computer is a fire risk!”

Me: “Okay, I’ll log a job and get someone to look at it.”

Caller: “When? It is very urgent. I need someone to come now.”

(I log the job and ring the technician to explain that the customer is very keen to have someone come as soon as possible. The next day, he rings me back to tell me what happened.)

Technician: “You know that computer that was a fire risk?”

Me: “Yes?”

Technician: “She meant it was on fire.”

The Window To The World Wide Nothing

| Sweden | Technology

(One of our users calls me. She is having problems logging on to her web mail.)

Me: “What seems to be the problem, ma’am?”

Customer: “I can’t get into my e-mail!”

Me: “What browser are you using?”

Customer: “The Internet.”

Me: “Okay. Well, when you look at the Internet you are watching it through a window. What is written on the top border of that window?”

Customer: “No! I am not looking at a window! I am looking at the internet!”

First Name First, Last Name Last

| Little Rock, AR, USA | Technology

Teacher: “I can’t log in. I am using the username our IT guys set up for us.”

Me: “What username are you using?”

Teacher: “First_Lastname.”

Me: “So what is your first and last name?”

Teacher: “Oh…am I supposed to enter my real first and last name separated by an underscore?”

Me: “As opposed to what?”

Teacher: “As opposed to typing ‘First_Lastname’?”

Log On To The Clueless Wide Web, Part 2

| Missouri, USA | Technology

(I work at a call center geared toward internet and television technical support.)

Me: “Thank you for calling tech support. How may I help you today?”

Customer: “My service is out. It’s been out all day!”

Me: “Okay, I can help you with that. Is this your TV or internet service?”

Customer: “TV or what?”

Me: *slower* “Is this your TV or internet service?”

Customer: “What’s that?”

Me: “What’s what?”

Customer: “That second thing you said. What’s that?”

Me: “The internet.”

Customer: “Yeah, I don’t know what that is.”

Me: “Um, sir, it’s connected to computers.”

Customer: “I don’t know what that thing is, but I don’t got no computer.”

Me: “Okay, what kind of TV service do you have, then?”

(Thankfully, everything goes smoothly once we get off the topic of computers and internet.)

Related:
Log On To The Clueless Wide Web

Crazies Of Different Stripes

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | Uncategorized

(I perform technical service on analytical instruments for labs. I am in a lab fixing an instrument that has had a lot of issues.)

Lab tech: “Just pray over it. That will make it better. Just pray.”

Me: “I wish it were that easy! We’re almost there though.”

Lab tech: “You pray over it, I will go to hell. I have to go to hell to fight the zebras!”

Page 39/100First...3738394041...Last