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Cents-less Attempts To Browse

, | Portugal | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I work in a tech support call center. The calls aren’t free, and the cost of the call per minute is clearly stated before the customer is put on hold for an operator. One of the ISPs that hires us has recently changed their webmail platform and people are having some issues adapting. I start my shift at 8:30 in the morning. It’s 8:29 and I see a call waiting, so I decide to login a minute early to help this customer.)

Me: “[Company], good morning. My name is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Customer: *very rudely* “Miss, at 30 cents per minute, I just payed to listen to half a minute of music. But let’s get to the point. I’m trying to access my webmail and the page looks weird. It’s all disfigured and I can see a kind of grid all over the screen. When I click on something it doesn’t respond correctly. I want to know if [ISP] is having any issues with their new webmail page.”

(We have no access to any ISP’s client database, so the first thing I do every time I get a call is run the phone number through our search engine to see if the client is registered on our database. When a customer is a first time caller, I have to ask for his information to insert him in the system.)

Me: “Okay, we’ll get right on fixing that issue for you, but first I need some information.”

(I ask him for the minimum data possible to be able to help him, as I notice he is clearly impatient and I don’t want to anger him any further.)

Me: “All right, so, you told me you’re having trouble viewing the new webmail page correctly. Do you have another browser you can try to see if there might be a problem with the one you are using now?”

Customer: “I use Internet Explorer. I have no other browsers and I will install no other browsers. I’ve always used this browser and it works just fine for [Popular Worldwide Webmail Provider]. I only have a problem with [ISP]’s new webmail page, because the old one worked just fine! Just tell me if [ISP] is having any temporary issues with their webmail!”

Me: “I have no information regarding a problem with [ISP]’s webmail page. The problem must be on your browser. I can guide you through the process of…”

Customer: “Don’t try to outsmart me, young lady, because I am not illiterate when it comes to computers! I bet I know more than you! I’ve dealt with computers all my life and I know my browser is just fine! It works fine with [Popular Worldwide Webmail Provider]; it’s only [ISP]’s webmail page I have a problem with!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but there really seems to be nothing wrong with [ISP]’s webmail page. Most of the time when there’s a problem viewing a webpage correctly, clearing your browser history, cache, cookies, temporary files, and restoring your advanced browser settings is enough to solve the problem. It’s a fairly quick process, and as I was saying before, I can guide you through it to get everything working again.”

Customer: “What?! You want to change my browser settings? I suggest you start having milk for breakfast instead of brandy. Good day.” *click*

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Dial ‘S’ For Stupid

| Vancouver, BC, Canada | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I work for a well-known cable company that offers home phone, Internet, and cable TV. After normal greeting and verifying customer info:)

Customer: “Please help me; I don’t have a dial tone and I need to make a phone call.”

(I look at the phone info and see that it is currently being used. I look at the caller ID and realize it matches the customer’s telephone number.)

Me: “Sir, are you calling from your phone right now?”

Customer: “Well, yes, how else would I be talking to you?”

Me: “Sir, if you do not have a dial tone how did you call me from the phone?”

Customer: “Well, I don’t remember!” *hangs up*

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Microsoft Word To The Wise

| UK | Criminal & Illegal, Extra Stupid, Technology

(I work for an IT company that provides support for a large restaurant chain and their franchises. I receive a call from one franchise that recently had their office PC replaced. These franchises have to provide their own software and licences for installation that we help with as part of the service.)

Me: “Welcome to the [Company] support desk. You are speaking to [My Name]. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “This is [Customer] from [Franchise]. I just went to [Computer Retailer] and bought Microsoft Office but it won’t install.”

Me: “No worries. I will remote in and see what is happening with the install.”

(I remote in and find the software installed fine but the license code will not activate the software.)

Me: “Can you confirm the license key is the same as it is on the software package?”

Customer: “Yes. I bought it from [Computer Retailer] but it’s not working. I tried each of the license codes but it’s still not working.”

Me: “Wait, you said there are several license codes? Can you send me a scanned image of the package so I can find what might be the problem?”

(I provided the user with an e-mail address to send the scanned image to and after half an hour the pictures came in. The customer had bought a CD sleeve with a blank disc with “Office” written on it and a piece of paper showing the front and back cover. The paper showed he bought “Micrasift Oofice 2012 Profecinal eddition”, which included a list of authentic-looking license keys.)