A Capital Idea

| Scotland, UK | Popular, Technology

(I am a new trainee on an IT support desk. One of my coworkers is listening in, to make sure I do everything right.)

Me: “Good morning, [My Name] speaking. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Yes, sorry. I’ve wrongly entered my password three times and I’ve been locked out.”

Me: “No problem, I’ll just unlock that for you. Can I have your details, please?”

(The caller gives me their details and I unlock the account.)

Me: “There you go. Just try logging in and make sure everything’s okay.”

Caller: “No, it’s not letting me in. Let me try again. Nope. And now I’ve locked myself out again.”

Me: “Yes, that’s showing up here. I’ll just unlock it again for you. Are you sure you’re entering the right password?”

Caller: “Pretty sure. Let me just try again. Nope, locked out again.”

Me: “Okay, let me unlock the account and I’ll reset your password. It’s a one-time password, so you’ll be asked to change it as soon as you’ve logged in. Your new password is [password].”

Caller: “Great, thanks. Nope, it’s locked me out again.”

(At this point, my coworker slides a piece of paper across the desk to me with “Caps lock?” written on it.)

Me: “Okay, I know this is a really stupid question, but I have to ask it anyway. Do you have caps lock on?”

Caller: *long silence* “Oh f***! F***, f***, f***, f***, f***, f***, f***, f***, f***! Thank you, I can get logged in now.”

Me: “Anything else I can do for you?”

Caller: *laughing* “No. No, thanks. You’ve done enough!”


Teach A Man To Email…

| MO, USA | Awesome Customers, Awesome Workers, Rude & Risque, Technology

(Working tech support, it isn’t uncommon to get calls from older clients. Most of these callers will be learning how to use computers for the first time, so it is always best to be patient with them, and appreciate that they’re trying to understand. My current caller is an older gentleman.)

Me: “How can I assist you today, sir?”

Caller: “I need to send an email.”

(I am meant to provide assistance on our software, so this is a little outside our remit. However, he is one of our clients, so in the interests of good customer service I decide to help out.)

Me: “You need help in setting up an email address?”

Caller: “No, no, my son did that for me already. I just… can’t remember how to get into it.”

Me: “No problem, sir. Do you remember what your address is?”

Caller: “Of course! It’s 1405 John Street. Just drive past the [Store] from the interstate and you’ll find me.”

Me: “Haha, that’s good to know, sir, but I meant your email address.”

Caller: *pause* “Oh, of course you did. How silly of me. You must think me quite the fool.”

Me: “Not at all, sir. After all, I didn’t specify which address!”

Caller: “You’re too kind to an old man. Now, yes, I have it written down here somewhere.”

(As I hear him rifling through some papers, I take a look at his customer account. I suspect that his customer details were set up with the assistance of his son. I see an email address written as [First Name][Last Name][email protected])

Me: “Sir, would your email address be your name, and the year of your birth by any chance?”

Caller: “Yes! That’s it! That’s amazing! How did you know that!”

Me: “It was the email address used when your account with us was set up, sir.”

Caller: “You can see that? How wonderful! Yes, that’s the one.”

Me: “No problem, sir.”

(I go through the steps of logging into his email address, help him with his password prompts (he’d forgotten) and finally get him to the email screen.)

Caller: “So I simply just type my email into this box and then hit the send button?”

Me: “That’s all there is to it, sir.”

Caller: “That’s amazing! You’ve turned my life around, son!”

Me: “It was nothing at all, sir.”

Caller: “You’ve been more help to me these last few minutes than anyone else I’ve ever called about any of this stuff. Can I call you again?”

Me: “Certainly, sir, just call this number and ask for [My Name], and I will be more than happy to help out with anything you need.”

Caller: “Can I call up tomorrow? I’ll need help finding those naughty websites my grandsons don’t know that I know about.”

Me: *pause for shock, but remaining professional* “I will be more than happy to help out with almost anything you need…”


Abusing Our Good Name

| WI, USA | Funny Names, Technology

(Our tech support team works through phone, email, and chat. It is common for customers to contact us through one channel and follow up on another. I get a customer on the phone.)

Customer: “I already worked with someone in chat about this issue, but it’s still not working.”

Me: “All right, let me get the chat log called up so I see what you’ve done so far. Okay, so it looks like you told [Coworker] that the problem was [problem], and she recommended you try [basic troubleshooting]. Is that correct?”

Customer: “Yeah… wait, [Coworker]?”

Me: “Yes, you were chatting with [Coworker].”

Customer: “Really? [Coworker]?”

Me: “I have the chat log right here…”

Customer: “But I didn’t realize you actually had names!”

Me: “…um.”

Customer: “Oh! Sorry! That came out wrong. I meant I didn’t realize you used your real names in chat.”

Me: “Whew! Yeah, her name is actually [Coworker] and she’s pretty good with this stuff. Since those first steps didn’t work, though, let’s try these steps instead…”


Whiskey Tango Foxtrot Are You Talking About?

, | Birmingham, England, UK | Language & Words

(A user wanted a simple password change on their account.)

Me: “Right, I have changed your password to the word ‘RED.’”

User: “Red?”

Me: “Yes. Romeo. Echo. Delta.”

User: “Hang on, I get to the ‘h’ in Echo and it won’t let me enter any more characters.”

Me: “I am using the phonetic alphabet to spell out red to you.”

User: “So what do I put now?”

Me: “Just put the colour red.”

User: ‘The colour red’ doesn’t work.”

Me: “Just type the word red. R-E-D.”

User: “I’m in now. You should have just said that instead of Echo Delta Colours! Thanks!”


Adobe Photo-Flop

, | Birmingham, England, UK | Crazy Requests, Popular, Technology

(A user calls up as they do not know how to use Photoshop, despite being offered training originally.)

User: “This program is stupid. Why do I need all these buttons and functions?”

Me: “The program is a piece of professional software that is very high end, used for magazines and movie posters.”

User: “I just want to resize my dolphin photos!”

Me: “Well, first, you will need to open the photo concerned, then go to—“

User: “I haven’t got time for that! I just want these dolphin photos resized!”

Me: “You were offered training on this software when it was purchased.”

User: “I don’t have time to sit around doing training! I just want the software to do what I want it to do without clicking all of these buttons!”

Me: “I can talk you through the steps. Do you need to get a pen to write this down?”

User: “No. I am not messing around with this software any more! I have work to do! You ring Adobe and tell them I want this changed NOW.”

Me: “You want me to call Adobe and tell them to change their multi million dollar software because you don’t like it?”

User: “Yes! Let me know when they’ve done it!”

(The user hung up and I was left speechless. The user also chased it up to see if I had contacted them and if they had carried out the changes.)

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