Too Much TV Turns Us Into Idiots

| AZ, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Movies & TV, Technology

Me: “Thank you for contacting [Cable Tech Support]; my name is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “My cable box isn’t working and I’m sick of this crappy service! I’m almost ready to cancel!”

Me: “Oh, okay, I can definitely help you out with that, ma’am. So your cable box receiver is out? Let’s see what is going on.”

Customer: “There is just a blank screen and nothing is coming on at all. The cable box is on and all the lights are on but the TV is blank!”

Me: “Okay, is it on the correct channel for the cable?”

Customer: “How the h*** am I supposed to know that if it’s blank?!”

Me: “Even with the cable box down the TV should still function.”

Customer: “That’s the thing! The TV WON’T COME ON! I PRESS POWER ON THE TV AND NOTHING HAPPENS!”

Me: “Ma’am… you may need a new TV.”

Registration Disassociation

| Canada | Bad Behavior, Technology

(I answer a call.)

Me: “Hello, this is [My Name] speaking. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I need to activate this software I bought. Quickly now, I’ve already been on the line for too long!”

Me: “All right, ma’am, in that case, the system needs the registration number.”

Customer: “Why? Can’t you just see it on your screen and press the button?”

Me: “I apologize for the inconvenience, but I really need that registration number. Otherwise the system won’t let me in to activate the software.”

Customer: “Well, I don’t know how to find it!”

Me: “It’s not an issue, ma’am, I can guide you. Please go into the Settings menu. Once there, you go into the section About, and finally you click on Registration Number to display the 12-digit number the system needs.”

Customer: “That’s too difficult!”

Me: “Once again, I apologize for the inconvenience, ma’am. I’ll go more slowly. First, please go into the Settings menu. Please let me know when you have and I will move along.”

Customer: “Yeah, yeah, I know!”

Me: “Then, ma’am, please find the section titled About…”

Customer: “Hmm hmm.”

Me: “…then finally click on Registration Number to display the 12-digit number the system needs. Could you please read me that number?”

Customer: “I don’t have it!”

Me: “Ma’am, are you sure you are following the steps exactly?”

Customer: “I haven’t done any of that! Why should I do all the work?! Just activate the d*** thing already!”

Me: “I’d be happy to, but to do that I need the registration number!”

Customer: “You’re just a lazy idiot! Get me someone on the line who knows what they are doing!”

Me: “Just to confirm, you’d like for a supervisor to handle your file?”

Customer: “Get one on the line, child!”

Me: “Your request to have a supervisor handles your case has been logged as per our process. I will therefore disconnect this call and a supervisor will get back to you within a business week. Good bye, ma’am.”

Customer: “WHAT D—”

Me: *hangs up*

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Didn’t Stop And Ink

| New Zealand | Technology

(An older lady with a very posh accent rings us with a printer problem.)

Customer: “I bought some ink cartridges today and they won’t fit into my printer. I’m very unimpressed with your company right now.”

Me: “I’m very sorry that we’ve let you down. Can I confirm a few details?”

(We confirm what model of printer it was, and that she’d been using it before, and had previously changed the cartridges in the past.)

Customer: “The cartridges just don’t fit.”

Me: “Is there anything blocking—”

Customer: *interrupting me* “No, there’s nothing there; the cartridges are too wide.”

Me: “Can you describe the cartridges?”

Customer: “They are…” *she describes a common model of HP cartridges; she has an Epson printer*

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry but those are the wrong cartridges for your model of printer.”

Customer: “But the man at [Popular Stationary Chain] said that these were a common brand.”

Me: “Did you tell him what type of printer you had?”

Customer: “No, I couldn’t remember so he showed be some common types of ink cartridges and I picked these.”

Me: “Well, I’m sure if you go back in and explain what happened they might—”

Customer: *interrupting again* “No! I won’t go in there again. I want you to send me some ink cartridges out for free.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but you went to another company, and couldn’t tell the person what type of printer you had, so you guessed about the cartridges.”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “And it turns out you guessed wrong.”

Customer: “Yes, and it’s your fault.”

Has Confidence In Your Network

| USA | Awesome Customers, Awesome Workers, Technology

Customer: “I cannot get on VPN.”

Me: “Okay, do you have any error message?”

Customer: “Hang on a second. First I have to connect to Wi-Fi right?”

Me: “Yes, that would help for sure.”

Customer: “How do I do that? Shall I click on that bars icon?”

Me: “Yes, go ahead.”

Customer: “Now I have a list of possibilities. Which is correct, [his, not very common, last name]’s network?”

Me: “That sounds like the one.”

Customer: “Now it says ‘connected’. What is next? Internet Explorer?”

Me: “Yes, and then go to VPN landing page.”

Customer: “Oh, is it [exactly correct URL]?”

Me: “Yes, that is the one.”

Customer: “Now what? It is asking for user name and password. Is it [correct ID] and [correct type of password]?”

Me: “Yes, go ahead.”

Customer: “Oh, it says that I’m connected to VPN. Thank you very much for your help.”

Me: “No problem, sir. I just do not know what should I put in your ticket.”

Customer: “Oh, put there that I just needed some confidence.”

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Don’t Leave Santraginus V Without It

| USA | Books & Reading, Geeks Rule

(I am a trainer for an internal helpdesk. We have several new employees, and one of them is currently sitting with me while I show her how to handle our calls. She is older, and has commented several times that I say the weirdest things.)

Me: “Is there anything else I can help you with?”

Caller: “Well, you’re doing really well so far, so let’s see. The meaning of life?”

Me: “Well, as far as I understand, the answer to life, the universe, and everything is 42.”

Caller: “You would be surprised how many people don’t know that.”

Me: “Those people probably also don’t know where their towel is, and that’s a shame.”

Caller: *cracks up laughing*

Trainee: “…”

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