(I work in a major university’s IT department in campus support at the front desk. We fix computers that are brought in to us for no charge to anyone with a university e-mail address, including students and staff. Student workers and interns assigned to the front desk are tasked with assessing each customer’s issue, determining the most efficient way of resolving the situation, and generating appropriate documentation. An older lady enters the office and asks for help at the front desk.)

Customer: “I’m not a student here and I don’t have an account with you, but I need help with my computer.”

Me: *taken aback* “Oh, uh, what seems to be the issue?”

Customer: “On my desktop at home, I can’t send emails without routing them through Russia. I was just wondering if one of your technicians could delete Russia off of my computer.”

Me: “We can’t really offer support for machines or people not affiliated with the university, and we can’t fix a computer that’s not here…”

Customer: “Oh, of course.”

(The customer turned and asked the adjacent electronic sales representative, there to sell laptops to students, about the discounts the storefront offers, despite still not having a university account. The sales representative performed his full spiel about the benefits of purchasing through the storefront or the university’s online store. After a few minutes of this, the customer excused herself, saying she would think about it. After she left, I explain to the representative what happened.)

Representative: *sheepish* “I really hope she doesn’t come back.”

A caller had no Internet service. She had a big power outage and her modem wasn’t getting any power. She said she needed Internet ASAP because she was a doctor and needed it for her “practice.”

To determine whether a breaker jumped or if it was our modem that was fried, I asked her to plug in a lamp or anything else to the plug to see if it lights up. Pretty straight forward, I thought. To which she replied, and I quote, “I’m just a woman. I can’t be expected to know how to do this. Just send a tech.”

Seeing as how feminism had just taken it on the chin by one of their own, I had to bite my tongue to stop myself from replying, “Okay, I’ll send a big strong man to fix that right up for you. Just have a sandwich waiting for him when he gets there.”

(One of my favourite phone calls when I worked in IT support, which still makes me smile:)

Customer: “Hello, I would like to report one faulty radio charger, please.”

Me: “Hello! Did you try plugging it to a different power outlet?”

Customer: “That’s a good question! Let me try that.”

(A few seconds of fumbling around.)

Customer: “I would like to report one faulty power outlet, please.”

(I have been living in Texas for about five years, whereas my coworker has lived here most of her life, only having moved away once for about ten years, then moving back. This is a conversation we had when she was trying to get information on a new client.)

Coworker: “Where is Texas Tech?”

Me: “Texas.”

Coworker: *while laughing* “I know that. Smart-a**.”

Me: “I’ll Google it for you.” *I pull it up* “It’s in Lubbock.”

Coworker: “That’s really far north. Isn’t it?”

Me: “I have no idea.”

Coworker: “How long have you lived in Texas?”

Me: “How long have you lived in Texas?”

(I work in customer support for a website, and am on the phone with a customer.)

Customer: “I can’t find where you login.”

Me: “Are you at [website address]?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Okay, in the upper right-hand corner, there’s a big blue login button.”

Customer: “Which corner is that?”

Me: *thinking he hadn’t heard me* “The upper right-hand corner.”

Customer: “No, I heard you, but which one is that?”

Me: *face-palm* “Go to the top of the website…”

Customer: “Okay, got it.”

Me: “And now, move your mouse over to the right.”

Customer: “Oh! I see. Why didn’t you just say in the corner?”