The Site Of A Grave Error

| Phoenix, AZ, USA | Right | February 25, 2017

(I work for a university tech support. I only troubleshoot things involved with our site. I get calls all the time about people complaining that their Internet is not working. This customer in particular is very stubborn about me fixing their Internet. She tells me that she can’t get our website to load up, and that she gets a ‘page cannot be found’ error.)

Me: “Okay, ma’am I’d be glad to help. Can you try going to Google for me.”

Customer: “Okay… I get the same error.”

Me: “Okay, that means your Internet has gone down on your computer or from your Internet service provider.”

Customer: “But the Internet on my phone works just fine! I just need your site to load up for me, so fix it!”

Me: “Well, ma’am, I can’t fix your computer for you because that goes outside our scope of support. You will need to contact either your computer manufacturer, who can then tell you what option to look for to get your Internet back up, or call your ISP who can do the same thing.”

Customer: “But it is just your site I need; why can’t you fix your own site? Every time I call you guys you send me somewhere else and never do your jobs!”

Me: “Ma’am, my job is to troubleshoot our site when something is not working properly. Even though our site is not working on your end, every other site that you go to is also not working. Are you going to call every website you are trying to get to and have them tell you the same thing I am?”

Customer: “If I need their site working I will call them. Now, fix this.”

Me: “As I have told you, I can’t fix this. What you are asking is essentially like going to Wal-Mart and complaining that the electricity at K-mart is out. They are not going to be able to do anything to get that fixed. If you don’t have any other questions I am going to disconnect this call.”

Customer: “Get me your manager!”

Me: “I’d be happy to if there was one available. They are in meetings. Besides, they will say the same thing I’m telling you and you will have your day wasted to hear the same thing again. Call your ISP or computer manufacturer and I promise you will get this fixed.” *click*

Multiple Email Fail

| WA, USA | Working | February 17, 2017

(I am the only IT support in an office of 35. It is day one of our conversion to a new email spam filter. Some staff don’t adapt well to change.)

Supervisor: *irritated* “I am expecting an important email and I haven’t received it and it’s not in my junk list.”

Me: *sending a message to ISP* “Supervisor missing important email and still cannot login to new spam filter page to check.

ISP: “Okay, let’s see if we can resolve this spam filter issue once and for all today.”

Me: *sending a message to various staff* “Please attempt to login with your FULL EMAIL ADDRESS (e.g. [email protected]) and EMAIL PASSWORD, not network password.”

Staff Member #1: “I DID use my full email address and it didn’t work.”

Me: “Let’s try adding the @organization.org part and tell me what happens.”

Staff Member #1: “OH! Okay, it works now.”

Staff Member #2: “I saw those emails about trying to log in and I didn’t know what to do, so I didn’t do anything.”

Me: *thinking* “So instead you forced me to hunt you down via phone and walk you through it.”

Staff Member #3: “Nope, can’t login.”

Me: “Will you share your credentials with ISP so they can test from their end.”

ISP: “We have no problem logging in with these credentials from this end.”

Staff Member #3: “It works now!”

(I go to the supervisor, after two hours of these inane individual conversations with 18 staff members.)

Me: “Everyone but you can successfully log in to the new spam filter page. Could we please double check that you are using your FULL EMAIL ADDRESS, as in [email protected], and your EMAIL PASSWORD, not network password?”

Supervisor: “I AM using my full email address and email password. Still don’t have that important email!”

ISP: *to me* “Can we get the sender to verify the date/time/address sent. Unlikely but possible it was mis-routed. We could try tracking from this end if we had some more details.”

Me: *to Supervisor* “Do we know for sure this important email was sent? Can you give me the contact name and phone so I can verify?”

Supervisor: *to me* “I will contact him.”

ISP: *to me* “Can you please attempt to observe Supervisor login to new spam filter and verify he is using the correct credentials?”

(Supervisor enters “first name” and “password”)

Supervisor: “See, it doesn’t work!”

Me: “Okay, but how about if we use your FULL email address? Can we try adding the @organization.org part?”

(Logs in successfully.)

Supervisor: “Well, I never had to put that part in before!”

Me: *thinking* “What part of ‘FULL EMAIL ADDRESS’ did you not understand?” *actually saying* “”Well… now you do. And now you know it works.”

(Hours pass…)

ISP: *to me* “Any news on the missing important message? We’d like to clear this trouble ticket.”

Me: *to Supervisor* “Any update on verifying details about this missing email?”

Supervisor: *to me* “I have sent a fax and an email message and haven’t heard anything back.”

Me: *thinking* “What the h*** is wrong with using a TELEPHONE?”

(Later I am talking to the big boss.)

Big Boss: “I don’t like the new spam filter interface as much as the old spam filter. And are you going to do some staff training on how to use it?”

Me: *eye twitches*

Too Much TV Turns Us Into Idiots

| AZ, USA | Right | February 3, 2017

Me: “Thank you for contacting [Cable Tech Support]; my name is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “My cable box isn’t working and I’m sick of this crappy service! I’m almost ready to cancel!”

Me: “Oh, okay, I can definitely help you out with that, ma’am. So your cable box receiver is out? Let’s see what is going on.”

Customer: “There is just a blank screen and nothing is coming on at all. The cable box is on and all the lights are on but the TV is blank!”

Me: “Okay, is it on the correct channel for the cable?”

Customer: “How the h*** am I supposed to know that if it’s blank?!”

Me: “Even with the cable box down the TV should still function.”

Customer: “That’s the thing! The TV WON’T COME ON! I PRESS POWER ON THE TV AND NOTHING HAPPENS!”

Me: “Ma’am… you may need a new TV.”

Time For A P Break

| USA | Working | January 22, 2017

(I’m trying to set up my online account for the local public transport system via phone, and it isn’t working.)

Me: “Yeah, so I entered my email and the password, and it keeps saying it’s invalid. Am I doing something wrong?”

Employee: “No, that should work, as long as you’re using the information you told me. The email is xxxhamster4, right?”

Me: “Yes, that’s it. And the password is [password].”

Employee: “I don’t know what to tell you. It just doesn’t seem to be working.”

Me: “Well, is there something else I could do? I’m going to be using this card every day; I need to be able to fill it up without going to the main store all the time.”

Employee: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but this system is relatively new. It may just be a glitch.”

Me: “Just to be sure, can we maybe double-check that you have my information down right? It’s x-x-x-h-a-m-s-t-e-r-7, with the 7 as a number, not spelled out, and the email address is @[website]—“

Employee: “I think I know what’s wrong. You forgot the ‘p’.”

Me: “Sorry?”

Employee: “The ‘p’. In hamster. No wonder it hasn’t been going through.”

Me: “Um… there isn’t a ‘p’ in hamster.”

Employee: “…oh.”

(Once she corrected the spelling on her end, the account worked perfectly.)

Not The Sharpest Arrow

| Phoenix, AZ, USA | Working | January 5, 2017

(I am covering the help desk for the usual guy that is out sick.)

Me: “Thank you for calling the help desk. How can I help you?”

Self-Important Coworker: “My computer has broken and I can’t work! This is the third time I’ve had to call in this week! Does anyone there know to actually fix anything!?”

Me: “Well, I’m sorry you’re having difficulties. If you can explain the issue you’re experiencing I can try to resolve it for you.”

Self-Important Coworker: “My mouse isn’t working! I’ve been working on this spreadsheet for four hours and it’s due by the end of the day! Now the mouse is stuck on the right side of the screen and I can’t get it to go back! If I’m late with this I’m going to tell my manager it’s your fault!”

(I get her information and remotely access her system.)

Me: “Okay. Can you show me where the problem is?”

(She clicks on the spreadsheet in the taskbar, so obviously the mouse is working.)

Self-Important Coworker: “Right here! Look! It’s on column 45! When I hit enter is just goes down!”

(Without thinking about it, I hold down the left-arrow key and scroll back to column one. Before I have a chance to say anything she chimes back in.)

Self-Important Coworker: “Whoa, whoa, whoa! How did you do that?!”

Me: “Uh, I just hit the left arrow key on the keyboard.”

Self-Important Coworker: “Oh.”

Me: “You can also scroll with the arrows.” *demonstrate by clicking on the scroll bar* “Does that solve your issue?”

Self-Important Coworker: “Um, yeah. Thanks.”

Me: *face-palm* “Thank you for calling.”

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