They Have To Talk Through Every Meal

, , , | Right | June 28, 2017

(I am calling an Internet tech support line, so there is plenty of down time while you reboot. I would have been more chatty but I wanted to see how it played out.)

Tech Support: “Have you had breakfast today?”

Me: “Not yet.”

Tech Support: “Well, you know it is the most important meal of the day.”

Me: “Okay.”

Tech Support: “Well, don’t forget.”

Me: *silence*

(He coughs uncontrollably.)

Tech Support: “You know I have this cold.”

Me: *even more awkward silence*

Tech Support: “My lungs are filling up. Do you have recommendations for a good cold medicine?”

Me: “Nyquil.”

Tech Support: “Why? What does it do?”

Me: “It helps you sleep.”

Tech Support: “Yeah, well, maybe I will call in sick tomorrow. So, it’s been five minutes. Has it rebooted?”

Me: “Yes, but it’s still not working.”

Tech Support: “Let’s try again and check in another five minutes.”

Me: *silence — is he kidding me?*

Tech Support: “Do you know of any other cold medicines?”

Me: “Alka-Seltzer cold. Listen, can you just send tech support out?”

Tech Support: “Sure. I was going to recommend that in a few more minutes. Will you have a good day?”

Me: “Yes, I will.”

Customer: “Well, I will try to get bett—”

Me: *hangs up, cutting him off*

(I figured his job got boring and he felt in the mood for a chat. Later, a friend who is in customer service said they aren’t allowed to be silent for a certain amount of time.)

When Nomenclature Goes Amok

, , | | Right | June 22, 2017

Throwback ThursdaysTHROWBACK THURSDAY! Check out this awesome story that you may have missed! What’s a crazy experience you’ve had with a religious person? Let us know in the comments!

 

Tech Support: “All right…now double-click on the File Manager icon.”

Customer: “That’s why I hate this ‘Windows’–because of the icons–I’m a Protestant, and I don’t believe in icons.”

Tech Support: “Well, that’s just an industry term sir. I don’t believe it was meant to-”

Customer: “I don’t care about any ‘industry terms’. I don’t believe in icons.”

Tech Support: “Well…why don’t you click on the ‘little picture’ of a file cabinet…it’s a ‘little picture’, okay?”

Customer: *hangs up*

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Option 1 For Me, 2 For Myself, And 3 For I

, , , | Right | June 18, 2017

(On weekend night shift there are usually three agents. But on this night, one is on scheduled vacation and the other one called off the day before because he got sick. Unfortunately no-one is able to take over for him so I am alone.)

Caller: “I called before and I think I talked with you. I want somebody else to help me.”

Me: “Oh, are you [Caller]? What is happening now? Maybe I can help you.”

Caller: “I don’t think so. Just transfer me to somebody else.”

Me: “Unfortunately, I cannot do it. I’m alone today.”

Caller: “I don’t want your excuses. Just transfer me.”

Me: “I would but there is no-one else.”

Caller: “I will just call back and I will get somebody else”

Me: “Good luck, sir. But for next ten hours it is me or no-one.”

Caller: *click*

(Surprisingly he didn’t call back on that night.)

Marketing, Market Thyself

, , , , , | Working | June 8, 2017

(I work internal tech support. A user from our marketing department calls in to ask why his emails to an external recipient keep bouncing. I take a look at the bounce-back message, and it indicates that the sender’s address was blocked by the end user.)

Me: “This isn’t really an error message; our system sent the e-mail successfully. However, the end recipient chose to block it as spam, which is why you’re getting these bounce-backs.”

Marketing: “Can you unblock our email address?”

Me: “No, because the block is on their end. It’s not in our system so we have no control over it.”

Marketing: “Why would they flag my email as spam? It’s not spam. It’s a legitimate marketing email blast.”

Me: “Apparently it looked enough like spam that they didn’t want to receive it any more.”

Marketing: “How do I make my emails so that they don’t look like spam and people want to read them?”

Me: “You’re the marketing department. You tell me.”

Time To Call The Plumber

, | | Right | June 8, 2017

Throwback ThursdaysTHROWBACK THURSDAY! Check out this awesome story that you may have missed! What’s a crazy technical support experience you’ve had? Let us know in the comments!

Me: “Internet help-desk, how can I help you?”

Customer: “I can’t connect to the internet.”

Me: “How long has it been since you last connected?”

Customer: “I was connected until a few minutes ago.”

Me: “Have you changed anything in your network?”

Customer: “Well, I was downloading some movies over the net, but the download got too slow. I called a friend of mine and he told me that some movies could’ve gotten stuck in the cable. So I cut the cable to see if I could yank it out of there. I didn’t find anything, so I taped the cable back together. Now, can you get it back to work?”

Me: *grimace*

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