You’re Only Cursing Yourself

| USA | Bad Behavior, Language & Words

(One of the few good policies is that we can hang up, with no warning, on customers if they start cursing at us.)

Technical Support Representative #1: “[Company] tech support. What may I help you with?”

Caller: “Your [bleeping] piece of [bleep] is not [bleeping] working.”

Technical Support Representative #1: “Sir, if you don’t stop cursing and tell me what the issue is…”

Caller: “[Bleep] you, just fix the [bleep]ing piece of [bleep].”

Technical Support Representative #1: *click*

Technical Support Representative #2: *same thing*

Technical Support Representative #3: *same thing*

(By now we are sharing the customer number and start answering:)

Technical Support Representative #6: “If you curse, we hang up…”

Caller: “[Bleep].”

Technical Support Representative #6: *click*

(A few more rounds of this and he finally gets to me.)

Me: “Shut up and listen. We are here to help you. You curse, I hang up. Now tell me what’s wrong and I’ll help you. Your call, curse or help?”

Caller: *in a rather meek voice* “Okay, but I’m a bit frustrated.”

Me: “Don’t worry; I’ll walk you through it.”

(He cursed once in the conversation, paused and apologized. It took only ten minutes and was a really a simple fix.)

Instruction Deconstruction

| Cleveland, OH, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I work tech support for a large corporation that services 50,000+ employees. It is not uncommon, when there are new upgrades or software, for our users to receive instructions on how to perform the installs themselves. We usually got a good number of calls from people who don’t read the instructions and just call into the help desk.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company] corporate help desk. My name is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Hi, I just got the email that I’m supposed to install [newest upgrade] and need some help with it.”

Me: “Okay, I can help you with that. Did you get the instructions?”

Customer: “Yes, I have it right in front of me.”

Me: “Okay, at what point are you having the issues.”

Customer: “I scrolled to the bottom to get your number and called in.”

Me: “Okay, let me get my copy of the instructions opened up and we’ll see if we can get this done.”

(I open the PDF file and bring up my instructions.)

Me: “Okay, now what does it say for step #1.”

Customer: *reads instructions to me for step #1*

Me: “Okay, do that. Now what does it say for step #2.”

Customer: *reads instructions to me for step #2*

Me: “Okay, do that.”

Customer: “Wait a minute, are you just going to have me read the instructions and do it step by step?”

Me: “Yes, that’s exactly what we are going to do. My instructions are no different than yours.”

Customer: “Well, that’s not much help. I could do that by myself!” *click*

The Power (Button) To Make A Difference

| Canton, NY, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I work in a call center supporting multiple ISP’s, when a very flustered, middle aged woman calls in.)

Me: “Hi, and thank you for calling [ISP].”

Customer: “My Internet is broken! I was on my computer and now all I see is a big yellow triangle, and I can’t even move my mouse!”

Me: “Okay, ma’am, have you tried restarting the computer?”

Customer: *starting to get angry* “How am I supposed to do that?! I told you, I can’t move my mouse!”

Me: *trying very hard to keep the sarcasm out of my voice* “By holding the power button.”

Customer: *very sincerely* “Oh… you can do that?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

Customer: “Oh, my god, it worked! You’re a genius! I am having a party this weekend. Come have a beer with us!”