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Didn’t Stop And Ink

| New Zealand | Technology

(An older lady with a very posh accent rings us with a printer problem.)

Customer: “I bought some ink cartridges today and they won’t fit into my printer. I’m very unimpressed with your company right now.”

Me: “I’m very sorry that we’ve let you down. Can I confirm a few details?”

(We confirm what model of printer it was, and that she’d been using it before, and had previously changed the cartridges in the past.)

Customer: “The cartridges just don’t fit.”

Me: “Is there anything blocking—”

Customer: *interrupting me* “No, there’s nothing there; the cartridges are too wide.”

Me: “Can you describe the cartridges?”

Customer: “They are…” *she describes a common model of HP cartridges; she has an Epson printer*

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry but those are the wrong cartridges for your model of printer.”

Customer: “But the man at [Popular Stationary Chain] said that these were a common brand.”

Me: “Did you tell him what type of printer you had?”

Customer: “No, I couldn’t remember so he showed be some common types of ink cartridges and I picked these.”

Me: “Well, I’m sure if you go back in and explain what happened they might—”

Customer: *interrupting again* “No! I won’t go in there again. I want you to send me some ink cartridges out for free.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but you went to another company, and couldn’t tell the person what type of printer you had, so you guessed about the cartridges.”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “And it turns out you guessed wrong.”

Customer: “Yes, and it’s your fault.”

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Has Confidence In Your Network

| USA | Awesome Customers, Awesome Workers, Technology

Customer: “I cannot get on VPN.”

Me: “Okay, do you have any error message?”

Customer: “Hang on a second. First I have to connect to Wi-Fi right?”

Me: “Yes, that would help for sure.”

Customer: “How do I do that? Shall I click on that bars icon?”

Me: “Yes, go ahead.”

Customer: “Now I have a list of possibilities. Which is correct, [his, not very common, last name]’s network?”

Me: “That sounds like the one.”

Customer: “Now it says ‘connected’. What is next? Internet Explorer?”

Me: “Yes, and then go to VPN landing page.”

Customer: “Oh, is it [exactly correct URL]?”

Me: “Yes, that is the one.”

Customer: “Now what? It is asking for user name and password. Is it [correct ID] and [correct type of password]?”

Me: “Yes, go ahead.”

Customer: “Oh, it says that I’m connected to VPN. Thank you very much for your help.”

Me: “No problem, sir. I just do not know what should I put in your ticket.”

Customer: “Oh, put there that I just needed some confidence.”

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Don’t Leave Santraginus V Without It

| USA | Books & Reading, Geeks Rule

(I am a trainer for an internal helpdesk. We have several new employees, and one of them is currently sitting with me while I show her how to handle our calls. She is older, and has commented several times that I say the weirdest things.)

Me: “Is there anything else I can help you with?”

Caller: “Well, you’re doing really well so far, so let’s see. The meaning of life?”

Me: “Well, as far as I understand, the answer to life, the universe, and everything is 42.”

Caller: “You would be surprised how many people don’t know that.”

Me: “Those people probably also don’t know where their towel is, and that’s a shame.”

Caller: *cracks up laughing*

Trainee: “…”

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You’re My Hero-in

, | CO, USA | Bad Behavior, Bizarre, Criminal & Illegal

(I used to do overnight cell phone tech support for a major provider. As I worked on the prepaid side, we tended to get weird or unreasonable customers on a consistent basis, especially late at night. The customer I’ve been working with in this story, however, has been completely calm and reasonable throughout our call. Also note that I have only heard him during the entire call, nobody else.)

Me: “Well, if there’s nothing else I can do to assist you tonight I just want to thank you for being the best part of [Company]. Again, my name is [My Name] and I hope you have a great rest of your night!”

Customer: “Thanks, you too! Good night.”

(At this point the line goes quiet but is still connected. Assuming he either thinks he hung up or is waiting for me to do so, I reach for the release button.)

Customer: “WHAT THE F*** WERE YOU THINKING?!”

(I jump, but realize that he’s not talking to me. For the first time I hear someone muttering to him in the background.)

Customer: “Why the f*** did you think it was a good idea to say ‘heroin’ while I was on a call? What the f*** are you going to do if I go back to jail, huh?!”

(At that point I released the call, hoping the customer didn’t realize we were still connected and the only person I heard talking about illegal narcotics was him.)

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The Final Word On Passwords, Part 5

| Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Technology

(I am working in a call center for tech support that handles area offices. A worker from a local office calls in upset because she can’t use her ‘new computer’.)

Me: “Can I get the name of the computer so I can check on it in our system?”

Customer: “[Computer].”

Me: “It looks like [Computer] is registered for [Other User] instead of your account…”

Customer: “Yes, it’s his computer, and it won’t take my password to use it.”

Me: “Are you using a password he gave you?”

Customer: “No, it’s my password, but it has his name here so it won’t work.”

Me: “So you are using your password with someone else’s username, on their computer, and you don’t know why it won’t work?”

(She hung up at this point, and I haven’t heard back from her since.)

Related:
The Final Word On Passwords, Part 4
The Final Word On Passwords, Part 3
The Final Word On Passwords, Part 2

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