Confusion Is The First Step To Understanding

, , , | Learning | October 1, 2017

(I am male.)

Student: “[Teacher], do you have children?”

Me: “No.”

Student: “Do you have a wife?”

Me: “No.”

Student: “Do you have a girlfriend?”

Me: “No.”

Student: “Are you single?”

Me: “No.”

(The student wandered away, confused. This has happened a few times this year. One day, a student will ask the right question, and I’ll tell them about my husband of seven years. It’s a way of amusing myself.)

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Should Slide Right Past That Fact

, , , | Learning | September 29, 2017

(I am at a group interview for a supply teaching position at an international school. The job asks us to put together a slideshow about ourselves and tell why we would be a great fit for the school. The first person goes, and he does a pretty good job. He’s a bit quiet but is obviously very educated, and it looks like it is going well. That is, until he gets to the last part of the slide, that makes me do a double take.)

Teacher Candidate: *What I think I hear him say:* “…and another reason why I think I would do well here is that my girlfriend is a student here.”

(I immediately stiffened up and looked closer at the slide to see if I really heard what I thought I heard. It turns out that he said his girlfriend WAS a student here, but that didn’t make it that much better, especially considering he was in his late 20s and she was a recent graduate. I eventually got hired at the school and worked there for two years, but I never saw him again.)

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There Is Credit In Proof

, , , , | Learning | September 27, 2017

(It is when mobile phones have first became affordable and most phones are topped-up with credit. I have forgotten to take mine out of my pocket, after going to a friends house the night before. The school has a policy of taking phones from students and putting them in the main office until the end of the day. My phone rings.)

Teacher: “Phone, now!”

(I pass the phone and apologise.)

Teacher: “I might go through your phone credit at lunch just to teach you a lesson.”

(At the end of the day, I collect the phone and find out that all of the credit has been drained. I tell my parents what happened and they talk to the teacher and head teacher about it. Both deny everything.)

Dad: “You owe us over £15 in credit.”

Teacher: “I’m not paying it back. How do I know you didn’t call that number yourself? Prove it was me!”

Dad: “Pay it back and apologise.”

Teacher: “No. I’m right, and your kid should learn some respect; I’m not giving you a penny.”

(At this point, my dad, usually a very gentle person, calmly stands up, picks the teacher’s laptop up off the desk, and throws it against the wall, where it smashes into several pieces.)

Teacher: “What the…?”

Dad: “Let’s call it even.”

Teacher: “You’re gonna pay for that computer, or I’m taking you to court.”

Dad: “Prove it was me.”

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Elementary (School), My Dear Teacher

, , , , , | Learning | September 27, 2017

(This happens in the fourth grade. My teacher is reading from a popular series of mystery novels for children. When it comes to the part of the story where the detective is about to solve the case, the teacher stops reading.)

Teacher: “Now, can anyone here solve this mystery?”

Me: “I can!”

(I then proceed to lay out, in a very methodical manner, step-by-step, the criminal’s entire plot and the evidence that led to the detective discovering him. My teacher, and the entire class, stand there agog at my deductive reasoning. After some stunned silence, the teacher speaks.)

Teacher: “Um…yeah. That’s exactly right. How on earth did you ever figure that out?”

Me: “Well, um, I’ve already read this one.”

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A Shocking Piece Of Journalism

, , , , | Learning | September 27, 2017

(I am reporter for the school newspaper. I am assigned to interview several teachers on what their first jobs were, before they finished school and became teachers. Most of the jobs are pretty standard: food service, landscaping, there was one teacher who was a live-in nanny, etc. Then I decide to interview our school’s wrestling coach. He is an older man with a big personality, so I think for sure he will have had an interesting first job.)

Me: “Thank you for letting me interview you, Coach. Can you please tell me about the first job you ever had?”

Coach: *thinks for a minute* “I was a fish shocker!”

Me: “Huh?” *thinking I heard him wrong, though what could you possibly mistake for “fish shocker”?*

Coach: “Yeah! A fish shocker!”

Me: “I… uh… I need more details.”

Coach: “I’d set up this device at the lakes, and shock the water so all the fish would float up to the surface.”

Me: “And why did you do that?”

Coach: *slaps the top of his desk and laughs* “So they could be counted, of course! They’d wake up eventually and swim away, so we had to count fast!”

Me: “Uh-huh, okay, great. Anything else?”

Coach: “Nope, that was it.”

Me: “Well, thank you. This should be an interesting article.”

(Later, while writing the article, I did some research and figured out he was talking about electrofishing. At the time, I had no clue that was an actual thing someone could do for a job. We featured the coach’s story in the article and for a couple of weeks, kids went around saying they were going to be “fish shockers” when they grew up!)

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