“Inside” Your Mind

, , , | Learning | October 13, 2017

(I’m a middle school teacher and we’re getting back into the swing of things after summer vacation. When it’s nice outside, we really try to encourage the kids to go outside for recess, and that’s where we station our supervision. We do get some kids who try to sneak back in, and that’s where this exchange happens, after I hear some kids running in the hall.)

Me: “Hey, guys. What do you need? Are you going to the bathroom?”

Kid #1: “Uhhhh, no.”

Me: “Okay.”

Kid #2: “We’re just getting some water.” *drinks from fountain*

Me: “Great idea! Have fun outside. It’s sooo beautiful out.”

(Shortly after, I walk toward another entrance and see them inside again, trying to sweet talk a support worker into letting them stay inside. The support worker is telling them “no” when I round the corner.)

Me: “Hey, guys! Saying ‘hi’ to [Support Worker]?”

Kid #1: *shocked to see me* “Uh, yeah, and then we’re heading outside.”

Me: “Awesome! Have fun; it’s soooo beautiful outside.”

(As they are heading outside, one of the kids turns to their friend and says what they think I can’t hear.)

Kid #2: “Hey, let’s try the door by [Other Teacher]. We can hide in her classroom, too.”

(I wave to them until the door is closed and then book it to the other side of the school where that door is. I wait behind a wall, where they can’t see me, until I hear the door open and see them walk up.)

Me: “HOWDY!”

Kid #1 and #2: “WHAT THE F***!”

Their Disruption Comes To A Messy Conclusion

, , , , | Learning | October 12, 2017

(My sophomore year physics teacher is very laid-back and has a great sense of humor. Today, however, the class clown has been very disruptive and is getting on his nerves.)

Teacher: “If [Clown] falls off a 50-foot cliff, when he hits the ground—”

Clown: *interrupts* “What if I bounce?”

Teacher: *flatly* “You don’t bounce. You splat.”

Talking Tall

, , , , , | Learning | October 11, 2017

(I’m the student here, talking with my group, as we are all done with the current assignment. Naturally, we are talking about off-topic stuff. However, the teacher overhears this.)

Teacher: “Is that what you’re supposed to be talking about right now?”

Me: *with utmost confidence and without hesitation* “Yes!”

Teacher: *takes a moment to pause, before laughing* “All right, you win this round. Carry on.”

(They actually let me continue the conversation, though we quieted down a bit.)

When Science Socks It To You!

, , , , | Learning | October 10, 2017

(The class is entering their science period.)

Teacher: *bursting through the doors* “EVERYBODY OUT! I’VE BURNT A SOCK IN THE MICROWAVE!”

Entire Class: “What?”

Teacher: *waving us out* “Go, go!”

(A noticeable stench is wafting out of the classroom. The entire class follows the teacher.)

Me: *whispering to my friends* “How did she burn a sock in the microwave?”

(We ended up staying in the garden for the next hour or so. Ever since, that room has always smelled a little bit like burnt burritos.)

An Electronic Alarm

, , , , | Learning | October 10, 2017

(One of our classmates stupidly answers his phone in class. The sub tries to take it from him and is forced to call security, as per protocol, when he refuses to hand it over. He then refuses to hand it to security, instead trying to pick a fight and play the tough guy act in an attempt at intimidating the guard. The school has a policy where if someone refuses to hand over something, they search everyone in the room, regardless if they were involved or just bystanders, and take away all found electronics. The believed intent is to punish the student making trouble by punishing everyone and making them all hate said student, which is horrible on several accounts. The guard takes the student, and we’re left with the horrified-looking sub who was apparently unaware of this policy.)

Substitute Teacher: “Wait… So, if one student misbehaves they punish everyone?”

Classmate #1: “I got searched three times this year alone because a classmate refused to hand over something. My iPod was taken and they won’t let me have it back until the end of the school year, and now I’m going to lose my brother’s Nintendo DS that he lent me since I have a long ride home today.”

Me: “I have my mom’s cellphone in my bag right now for emergencies!”

(Note: Mine was stolen from my locker a week previously, so my mom lent me hers until mine could be replaced, and told me not to put it in my locker.)

Me: “If they take it, she can’t get it back until June!”

Substitute Teacher: “But that’s not fair at all! None of you have even done anything wrong!”

Classmate #2: “That’s how they do things. They also have a policy where if someone breaks into your locker and takes your cellphone, like they did to [My Name], it’s your fault for having a phone on school property, regardless if it was turned off and out of sight. They won’t do anything about it, but a teacher left her cellphone on a bathroom sink and it was stolen, so they gave everyone on the floor a pat down until they found it, and then suspended the girl for stealing a teacher’s property.”

Substitute Teacher: “How long do you think until they get back here to search you guys?”

Classmate #3: “They could be here any minute, actually.”

(She then puts on a serious face and reaches under the desk, retrieving a handbag large enough to impress Mary Poppins, and opens it on the desk.)

Substitute Teacher: “Everyone, quick! Get out your electronics and hide them all in here before security gets back!”

(There was a huge rush to the front of the room as everyone dropped our stuff inside and then quickly sat back down. Security showed up less than a minute later, and seemed surprised to only find a single broken iPod that a classmate didn’t feel was worth protecting. Unfortunately, despite the glowing reviews and praises we all gave our teacher about the sub the next day, we never saw her as a sub in the school again. We think she might have refused to work here again after learning how they treat us.)