(I teach evening courses at a community college in Oklahoma and, as such, always get at least one student who was, or is currently, going to University of Oklahoma [OU] or Oklahoma State University [OSU].)
Me: “Why do more football players go to OU than OSU?”
Victim: “I don’t know.”
Me: “It’s easier to spell.”
(I’m a dad. I have a right to make dad jokes.)
(My advanced-placement world history class is talking about the classical empires, and my teacher has started talking about Julius Caesar.)
Teacher: “Because of Julius Caesar, and his impact on the Roman Empire…”
Student #1: “Wait, what? Julius Caesar was a real person? I thought he was made-up!”
Student #2: “Yeah! I thought Shakespeare just made him up! He was real?”
Teacher: *sighing* Yes, [Students], he was a real person.”
(We’re in a class about software development.)
Professor: “…and a good thing about software is that, although it can be easier if you have professional software, you don’t really need it. Anyone who has a computer can write a program. I was surprised to learn that something I’d been using was developed in the North Pole.”
Student: *joking* “With the penguins?”
Professor: “Yes! And it was probably one of them who wrote it.”
Student: “…A penguin?”
Professor: “Sure. They’re not primitive, you know. They have modern houses, computers, and everything.”
Student: “The penguins?“
Professor: “Wait, isn’t that what the native people in the North Pole are called?”
Student: “Eskimos.”
(I teach ESL. I tend to dress very plain-Jane usually, so when I do dress up I sometimes get funny reactions.)
Student #1: “[Teacher]! You’re wearing earrings!”
Me: “Yes, I am.”
Student #1: “What’s wrong?”
(A different day with a different student:)
Student #2: *smiling* “[Teacher]! You’re wearing a skirt.”
Me: “Yes, I am.”
Student #2: “You have date today? You see boyfriend?” *wiggles eyebrows*
Me: “No… no. I need to do my laundry.”
(I am a graduate student at [University #1]. As part of my graduate coursework, I have to take a departmental seminar on how to make presentations of your research. I choose to present about a project I did as an undergraduate at [University #2]. For the project, I collected storm water runoff from roads, so I could only collect water when it was raining exceptionally hard. Because of this, I was only able to collect water on three days. I know that the project isn’t perfect, since I only had one summer to do it and $500 to spend on it. For reference, most graduate projects get tens of thousands of dollars in funding. But it is all I have to present on, because my graduate work isn’t done yet. It’s useful to note that the professor who moderates the presentation class has a reputation for being unreasonable and a bit of a show-off, and I don’t stand for it. At the end of my presentation, he goes on a rant that culminates in this exchange.)
Professor: “I just can’t believe you thought this was science. I mean, I’ve never seen a study with only three data points. Why didn’t you collect more data?”
Me: “Sorry, but the magic weather machine that makes it rain was booked up by a different department for the summer.”
(I got a C.)
