(I have a friend who does not have any talent for languages, but has a well-known love for those video games where you manage an empire and either plot world-domination or achieve victory by diplomacy or other means. We are in French class, and my friend has been asked to answer a question in French.)

Friend: *in plain Dutch* “I can’t; I don’t know how to.”

Teacher: “You need to learn languages. Do your best! Imagine you’re playing your empire control game. What if a region under your control only has French citizens? How would you rule them?”

Friend: “I don’t; I execute them all.”

Teacher: “Not the point I was making, but I suppose it would work.”

(I’m taking my very first exam in my freshman Biology 101 course at college, which is in a huge lecture hall made to seat around 300 people. As I have anxiety issues, especially regarding time limits, I am allowed 50% extra time on tests. The professor and I have agreed that I will sit in the upper corner of the hall so no other students notice me when they leave and the next set of test-takers arrives. As the last of the first batch of students leave, the professor approaches me, but I think nothing of it.)

Professor: “The test is over; you need to hand it in now.”

(I continue on the essay questions.)

Professor: “I said, you need to hand in your test and leave.”

(I wonder who he could be talking to, and why they wouldn’t hand in their test.)

Professor: *takes my test off my desk* “For the last time, the test is over! You need to leave so the next class can take their test!”

Me: *shocked expression* “But you told me to sit here! We agreed about extra time!”

(The professor looks at me, remembers who I am, and immediately becomes flustered.)

Professor: “Oh! Oh, my goodness. I’m so sorry. With all the other students, I forgot. Here! Take all the time you need.” *hands test back and walks off*

(It took me a little while longer due to the shock and panic from my test being taken away like that, but I finished it up in time and ended up getting a great grade. The professor apologized again on my way out. In such a large class, these things are to be expected, I guess! And he was always very polite when we talked after that.)

I went to a Catholic school, and in sixth and seventh grade I had a religion teacher who was nice enough, but a bit strict when it came to religious beliefs. One day, she told us a story about a young student whose dog had died the previous night. He told her about it while crying, and ended it by saying, “At least I’ll see him in Heaven.”

Her response? “Dogs don’t go to Heaven. Heaven is only for those with souls, and animals don’t have souls.” Cue a renewed bout of crying.

She told us this story to highlight the idea that his parents should have told him the truth, rather than let him falsely believe something that wasn’t true. Even then, I found it a bit cruel to tell a grieving eight-year-old that they’ll never see their beloved pet again, and I found it difficult to believe that animals have no souls. Today, I attribute a lot of my experiences at that school to my current semi-agnostic stance on religion.

(One of my classmates is a hard-working student, she has sass and attitude, and she isn’t afraid of anything. In spite of this, she can’t get her average grades up over 50%, and that’s even after I offer to tutor her as I have a 90% average.)

Classmate: *struggling to work out a problem* “Uh… [My Name]?”

Me: “Yes?”

Classmate: “You’re super smart, right?”

Me: “Uh…”

Teacher: “Yes, he is, but don’t let that discourage you.”

Classmate: “And you’re going to be, like, a super successful lawyer right?”

Me: “That’s what I’m aiming for, yeah…”

Classmate: “Can I be your trophy wife?”

(I think our teacher almost died that day. On a side note, I did graduate law school, I am currently engaged to my classmate, and she’s still a bit of an airhead, but she managed to get into a medical school aiming for a position as a nurse!)

(We are rehearsing for a performance of the play “Oz.” As a middle school, the acting is about what you would expect. I am a tech, sitting in the audience. [Student] is playing The Wicked Witch of the West.)

Teacher: “You aren’t scary enough, [Student]! When you come onstage I want tiny children crying!”