(In college, I work as the student assistant for my major department. Part of my job is designing flyers for upcoming courses. The professors usually let me get creative with them, to try catching students’ attention. This is during the high point of the “Twilight” craze. All of the books have been published and at least one movie is out. I have finished all of the course flyers for the following semester except for one, for a course on how film/pop culture relates to religion. It is a really interesting class, with a list of films the students have to watch and discuss that includes many different genres. In fact, I am already signed up for this class myself. I go to ask the professor about the flyer and he hands me one he made himself. At the top is the course title and number, and beneath it is a HUGE photo of a scene from “Twilight,” and then the course description and class time. I’m paraphrasing our conversation, because it’s been several years since this happened.)

Me: “Uh… [Professor]? Why is there a Twilight picture on the flyer?”

Professor: “Read the fine print at the bottom.”

(I look, and there at the bottom in tiny, red print is, “We will NOT be watching ‘Twilight’ in this class.”)

Me: “You’re doing this to see how many people sign up just to watch Twilight, and who actually reads everything, aren’t you?”

Professor: “Yep!”

(I am a little hesitant at first about posting it, but figure most people will read up on a course they’ve chosen to take. It is his class, so ultimately it is his choice. Fast forward to the next semester, on the first day of the film class. The room is pretty full, considering this is a smaller school and there are only around 50 spots open for this particular class. The professor comes in, sets up his things at the podium, and then turns to face us.)

Professor: *holds up the flyer* “How many of you signed up for this class, purely based on the picture on this flyer?”

(Several hands shoot up; I am actually kind of surprised.)

Professor: “Well, congratulations. We will not be watching Twilight in this class.”

(There was a significant pause before an entire back row, probably four or five female students, stood up and walked out of the class. We never saw them again in there, which I felt was their loss because it turned out to be a great course. For me, the really ironic part of this whole experiment was that everyone was sent a syllabus and list of films BEFORE the semester started. They had the entire break to read the list and see that “Twilight” wasn’t on it. Oh, well.)

Related:
The Twilight Of Our Youth, Part 6
The Twilight Of Our Youth, Part 5
The Twilight Of Our Youth, Part 4

(I am a substitute teacher. I am working as a teacher’s assistant with a classroom of students who have high-functioning autism, grades three to five. We go outside for recess. I’m standing with one of the other teacher’s assistants by the fence when a boy approaches us.)

Teacher’s Assistant: “Oh, boy, here comes [Student]. He always tries to get us to let him climb the fence. When we tell him no, he’ll start cursing in another language.”

Student: “May I please go climb the fence? I want to climb the fence.”

Teacher’s Assistant: “No, [Student], you are not allowed to climb the fence.”

Student: *starts speaking in a foreign language, making angry gestures*

Me: *calmly replies in the same language*

(The student and TA both stare at me before the student flees. The TA is astonished.)

Teacher’s Assistant: “What? You can understand him?! What was he saying?!”

Me: “Oh, that was Farsi. I learned basic conversational words and commands when I was deployed. Also, I think he hears the language at home but doesn’t understand it, because he just keeps saying, ‘I want to drink water,’ over and over again.”

Teacher’s Assistant: “But what did you say to him?”

Me: “I asked if he wanted a cup.”

(The student came and left by a special daycare van, and the parents never came to the school, so we don’t know the full story. But I’m told by the Teacher’s Assistant that whenever he tries to pull that stunt, someone calmly walks him over to the water fountain. I’ve been back a few times, and when he sees me, the student runs away.)

One day during class, it being near Christmas, we are given a picture of Santa Claus to color. Santa is sitting on a chair, relaxing, and eating cookies, while reading a list. Seeing this, I decide that Santa must be off-duty, so I color him orange. After all, Santa must get tired of his uniform, right?

Later that day, I am called to the teacher’s desk with three other students and told we are in trouble. Our crimes? I, of course, colored Santa orange, instead of red. Another student had colored him red, but with green gloves. The last student had colored Santa black.

I don’t remember if she called my parents or not, but all three of us had to sit out recess that day.

(I am in fifth or sixth grade. About nine out of every ten teachers at my elementary school are the same general mix of authoritarian, power-tripping, prone to yelling and handing out punishments for extremely minor infractions, and borderline neglectful of the kids in their charge. My friend and I, both of us students who never get in trouble, unexpectedly get called out by the teacher for something trivial during the lesson, possibly for something like saying a few words to each other without permission.)

Teacher: “Leave the classroom, you two, and stand outside by the door until I call you back in!”

(This is a frequent “punishment” for less serious misbehavior; it’s supposed to last five to ten minutes at the very most — any seriously disruptive conduct gets you sent to the principal. We do as she said, all while thinking how stupid of a punishment this is, since we now get to miss part of a lesson that bores us to tears AND stand around unsupervised in an empty hallway together while talking as much as we like. Ten minutes pass as we stand around chatting and laughing quietly. Then fifteen minutes. Then twenty minutes. The teacher never calls us back in. We slowly realize she must have forgotten about us. Another teacher passes by us in the hallway and notices us.)

Other Teacher: “What’s going on? Why are you two standing around here on your own?”

(My friend and I look at each other, briefly consider telling her that it looks like we were forgotten there, and immediately decide, “Nahhhh.”)

Us: *innocently* “We were ordered to wait out here by Ms. [Teacher] as punishment, Ms. [Other Teacher]!”

Other Teacher: “Oh, right. Well, carry on, then.” *leaves*

(We giggle to each other and go on talking and playing in the hallway. About twenty more minutes later the lesson ends, and our teacher opens the door to the classroom to let the other kids out. She sees us standing there and makes an incredibly surprised face.)

Teacher: “Oh. Um… What?”

Us: *very innocently* “We’ve been waiting out here for you to let us back in, just like you told us to, Ms. [Teacher]!”

Teacher: *clearly flustered* “Umm… Well! Right! Just go ahead and get in the room and get your things. And go on to your next class. And I hope you’ve learned not to disrupt the class anymore! Yeah…” *very awkward expression, plainly trying to cover for her mistake and hoping we don’t realize what happened*

(We pretended ignorance but started giggling at her expense as soon as her back was turned.)

(We are going to the library with the guidance counsellor and my civic education teacher to look for information on career guidance. Onisep is a French organisation under the authority of the Ministry of National Education, whose vocation is to offer information on studies and professions.)

Guidance Counsellor: “You should go to Onisep, and you can search in the fields you are interested in or look at the profession you want to do.”

(I type in “proofreader” because it is the job I want to do, but the site does not have a job sheet for a proofreader.)

Friend: “Have you tried [website of a French monthly magazine specialized in training information]?”

(I go to this website and find the description for “corrector.”)

Guidance Counsellor: *looks at us* “Go back to Onisep!”

Me: “But I can’t find the information about the job of proofreader on this site.”

Guidance Counsellor: “But you must not leave the Onisep site!”

Teacher: “They’re on a guidance site! They’re not playing on the computer! They’re not doing anything wrong.” *turns to us* “You can stay on this site if you have found the information you are interested in!”

(At the time, there was a rumor that our guidance counsellors were paid by the number of times they advertised for Onisep; that didn’t reduce the rumor.)