Distraction Inaction

, , , , , , | Learning | June 7, 2018

(I’m in high school. It’s the week before finals. My school has a program where you can exempt certain exams if your grades are high enough, and you haven’t missed too much school. I am able to exempt one final, and I choose math. My teacher is doing a finals review for the class.)

Teacher: “Now, if you’re exempting my final, I don’t care what you do during this time, as long as you’re quiet.”

(I’m very happy with this unexpected free period. I pull out a book and start reading. Ten minutes later…)

Teacher: “[My Name]!”

Me: “Yes?”

Teacher: “Put that book away!”

Me: “But you said—”

Teacher: “You are being very disrespectful! I’m teaching, and you’re ignoring me!”

Me: “But I’m exempting your final.”

Teacher: “YOU ARE BEING A DISTRACTION!”

(I look around at the rest of the class. No one is paying attention to him. They’re whispering, passing papers back and forth, laughing, drawing, and texting. I am not one to argue with teachers, but in this case…)

Me: “I’m being a distraction? Have you seen the rest of your class right now?”

Teacher: “PUT IT AWAY!”

Me: “Okay.”

(By this time, the class has gone silent. I make a big show of taking out my very large chemistry textbook and exam review.)

Teacher: “Not another peep out of you, now.”

(One of my friends snickers.)

Teacher: “I WILL PUT ALL OF YOU IN DETENTION!”

(Thankfully, the bell rings. As I’m gathering my stuff, my teacher consults his class list, and raises an eyebrow. He gestures me over.)

Teacher: “So, uh… I see that you’re exempting my final, and therefore, did not need to actually pay attention.”

Me: “I just told you that!”

Teacher: “I… was wrong to yell at you. See, you’re the only one in this period with a grade high enough to exempt. I’m sorry, and I hope you have a good summer.”

(Points for apologizing, but still…)

Spectator Sport Is A Spectator Sport

, , , , , , | Learning | January 11, 2018

(At school I’m in the band. Our director has a sense of humor and jokes around with us a lot. One day the following conversation happens.)

Director: “How many of you watch people play video games on YouTube?”

(Most of us raise our hands.)

Director: “Those with a raised hand, can you tell me why?”

(Again most of us raise our hands, and the director calls on someone.)

Student: “Do you watch football?”

Director: “Sometimes, why?”

Student: “Well, why do you watch football?”

Skirting Around The Issue

, , , , | Learning | November 3, 2017

(I teach ESL. I tend to dress very plain-Jane usually, so when I do dress up I sometimes get funny reactions.)

Student #1: “[Teacher]! You’re wearing earrings!”

Me: “Yes, I am.”

Student #1: “What’s wrong?”

(A different day with a different student:)

Student #2: *smiling* “[Teacher]! You’re wearing a skirt.”

Me: “Yes, I am.”

Student #2: “You have date today? You see boyfriend?” *wiggles eyebrows*

Me: “No… no. I need to do my laundry.”

Got To HAND It To Her

, , , , , | Learning | August 24, 2017

(In grade five, my class is given a writing assignment where we have to make step-by-step instructions for making a peanut butter & jelly sandwich. I feel confident about how thorough mine are, so when the teacher asks who would like to read them out, I volunteer. She has come to class equipped with sandwich-making supplies so that she can follow our directions as we read.)

Me: “‘… use a knife to scoop up some peanut butter while holding the jar…'”

(I am staring at my notebook while I read it out, and suddenly the entire class erupts in laughter. I look up to see my teacher standing on one foot, ‘holding’ the jar with her other one, and trying to scoop up peanut butter while the jar keeps scooting across the desk.)

Me: “With your HAND!”

(She was an awesome teacher.)

What A Crumby Way To Be Treated

, , | Learning | August 23, 2017

(I grew up in a rural area, where teachers’ behavior tends to be relaxed. Students in the higher years are usually on first name basis with their teachers. However, that doesn’t mean they don’t demand respect. One day, between classes.)

Classmate: *runs up to Teacher while he’s busy talking with a colleague* “[Teacher]! I wanted to tell you—”

Teacher: *cutting him off* “[Classmate], while the cakes are talking, the crumbs get to shut up. Wait your turn.”

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