Got To HAND It To Her

, , , , , | Learning | August 24, 2017

(In grade five, my class is given a writing assignment where we have to make step-by-step instructions for making a peanut butter & jelly sandwich. I feel confident about how thorough mine are, so when the teacher asks who would like to read them out, I volunteer. She has come to class equipped with sandwich-making supplies so that she can follow our directions as we read.)

Me: “‘… use a knife to scoop up some peanut butter while holding the jar…'”

(I am staring at my notebook while I read it out, and suddenly the entire class erupts in laughter. I look up to see my teacher standing on one foot, ‘holding’ the jar with her other one, and trying to scoop up peanut butter while the jar keeps scooting across the desk.)

Me: “With your HAND!”

(She was an awesome teacher.)

What A Crumby Way To Be Treated

, , | Learning | August 23, 2017

(I grew up in a rural area, where teachers’ behavior tends to be relaxed. Students in the higher years are usually on first name basis with their teachers. However, that doesn’t mean they don’t demand respect. One day, between classes.)

Classmate: *runs up to Teacher while he’s busy talking with a colleague* “[Teacher]! I wanted to tell you—”

Teacher: *cutting him off* “[Classmate], while the cakes are talking, the crumbs get to shut up. Wait your turn.”

The Teacher Is The Meanest Girl

, , , , , | Learning | August 22, 2017

(This is an advanced psychology class, and we have finished our finals so the teacher is letting us watch a movie. He has a collection of movies that in some way deal with psychology, and explains about each one a bit.)

Teacher: “Okay, so, this one is Mean Girls. Lindsay Lohan is in this one; she was so good in Parent Trap. But now she’s a sinner, what with her dancing and language.”

Composing An Early Lunch

, , , | Learning | August 11, 2017

(As part of my year 11 (junior) composition class, we have to compose and record a piece of music. When I go to record my composition, the school bell rings right at the end of the recording. As I don’t have enough time to do another version, I just leave it the way it is. A few weeks later, we are listening to some of the recordings and discussing them. Year 11s get frees, where they have no scheduled classes, so it’s not unusual to see year 11 and 12 students roaming around school campus.)

Teacher: “Okay, let’s hear [My Name]’s recording!”

(Teacher plays my recording at a loud volume, with the school bell ringing at the end.)

Teacher: “That’s all we have time for today; we’ll listen to the rest next lesson.”

Class: *packs up and leaves classroom*

Classmate: “Hey! Why isn’t there anyone else out of class?”

(The teacher had mistaken the school bell in my recording for the lunch break bell. We got to have an early lunch that day.)

The Pricey Alternatives Can Take A Hike

, , , | Learning | August 11, 2017

(My school’s organizing a Duke Of Edinburgh expedition. Basically, it’s a three day hike, which gains you a certificate you can put on your CV. The teacher running it is a regular hiker. A few weeks beforehand he gives us a list of equipment to bring with us. He recommends a lot of specialized equipment, which together would cost me about £300. Not having that kind of money, I find cheaper alternatives for about £50. He inspects our equipment before we go.)

Teacher: *picks up a torch I got from a pound shop* “That’s not good enough.”

Me: “I tested it in the park. Lights up everything around.”

Teacher: “This only works for a few metres.” *shows his own* “Why haven’t you got something like this?”

Me: “It’s £40.”

Teacher: “But it can spotlight something two miles away.”

Me: “What are you planning to spotlight two miles away? This isn’t a military expedition; it’s a walk in the woods.”

Teacher: “I know best. And what’s this?” *picks up one of the plastic bottles I brought with me* “The first time you drop this on a rock, It’ll split open.”

Me: “Like that rock there?”

(I throw the bottle as hard as I can at the rock. It bounces harmlessly off.)

Teacher: “Who’s the expert here? I’m telling you it will break.”

Me: “Let’s do another test, then.” *I throw it at a pointier rock; same result* “You were saying?”

Teacher: “Well, if you’re not going to listen, we won’t help you when it breaks.”

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