(I work in a small tea merchant that sells about 200 different varieties of tea. A customer and his girlfriend come in. The girlfriend walks over to my coworker.)

Customer: *approaches me and leans in uncomfortably close* “Do you have any teas for men?”

Me: “Could you be a bit more specific, sir?”

Customer: “You know? For MEN!” *begins miming masturbating*

Me: “Err…”

Customer: *continues miming* “You know, a tea to make your d*** BIG and STRONG!”

Me: *stunned silence*

Customer: “No? Okay.”

(The customer and his girlfriend left the shop. My coworker and I looked at each other and just began laughing hysterically.)

(I worked in the tea house but quit because of our boss’ made up a lot of new crazy rules I wasn’t willing to obey. One day I went to see my former co-workers and this happened.)

Boss: “Hey, [Coworker], why did you rearrange the boxes with tea again?”

Coworker: “It was arranged according the types of tea for ages. Why did you change it?”

Boss: “I want it according the colours of boxes. Now it looks better.”

Coworker: “They are under the counter, no one sees that, and I can’t find a thing that way.”

Boss: “Doesn’t matter.”

(5 minutes later:)

Boss: “[Coworker], you gave that man three pieces of tomato with his couscous. I told you to give two.”

Coworker: “It was really small tomato so I gave him three.”

Boss: “I don’t care about the size of tomato. You gave him three!”

(10 minutes later:)

Boss: “[Coworker], ask that woman if she wants to order something.”

Coworker: “She just finished her coffee.”

Boss: “Doesn’t matter. If she doesn’t order something make her go away.”

Coworker: “There are only four people. You want me to kick her out because of that? She is talking to her friend who has a tea. They are paying customers.”

Boss: “I don’t care. Get the order or kick her out.” *walks away*

Me: “That’s why I quit.”

Coworker: “One more thing and I’m out. Pay isn’t good either.”

(15 minutes later:)

Boss: “[Coworker], you talked with those ladies for seven minutes!”

Coworker: “What’s the problem?”

Boss: “You can talk with customer for three minutes max.”

Coworker: “Eh? Why? They are here for the first time and asked me about our menu. I tried to help them choose the tea they would like.”

Boss: “You can’t chit chat with the customers. You have to be behind the counter and look professional.”

Coworker: “I can’t change my shift, I can’t take a break when I need, and now I can’t even talk to the customers?”

Boss: “Right. And don’t forget to update our Facebook so people know about our new menu.”

Coworker: “Okay. I quit. [My Name], let’s go.” *he takes off his apron*

Boss: “You can’t do that! You have to finish your shift! I can force you to finish your shift!”

Coworker: “Make me.”

(There are a number of customers in the store, including a younger woman and older woman who are looking at many of the same things. I see the older woman take a mug from the younger woman and bring it to the counter with a few other items.)

Me: “These mugs are great! Did you find everything today?”

Older Woman: “Yes, thank you.”

Me: “That’ll be [price]. Would you like anything else today? A cup to go?”

Older Woman: “No, thank you.”

(She pays and leaves the store. I think it’s a bit odd that she didn’t wait for the younger woman. The younger woman comes to the counter, with a different mug, some tea and some more gift items.)

Me: “Hey! I really do love these mugs! Great choice. Did you find everything okay today?”

Younger Woman: “Well, no. I wanted the green mug but that woman grabbed it out of my hands…”

Me: “Oh, my god! I thought you guys were together and she was buying it for you! I’m so sorry. I should’ve said something!”

Younger Woman: “Yeah; I was pretty stunned. I didn’t know what to say.”

Me: “I’m so sorry. Here the mug’s on us today since she took the last one in that design.”

Younger Woman: “Oh! Thank you.”

(I felt so bad, but we definitely don’t have training on what to do about customer to customer theft!)

(I am in a tea store the other day checking out some white tea. The employee helping us was very nice and knowledgeable, but she made some AWFUL puns.)

Employee: “So this tea used to be reserved for the Imperial Family of China. I guess you could say it’s… Royal-Tea!”

Us: *groan*

(I work at a farmer’s market. One customer is a Thursday regular who always buys single teabags.)

Customer: “I am looking for a good green tea.”

Me: “Well, ma’am, I certainly have a large selection—”

Customer: *holding up a Sushi Bar Green Tea* “Oh my lord, this doesn’t have real sushi in it, does it?”

Me: “What? Oh! No. That just means it is like the green tea found at sushi bars.”

Customer: “Oh, good! For a minute there, I thought it was raw fish flavored!”