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Going Scone And On And On

| UK | Food & Drink

(As our cakes are in a glass cabinet, I often have to list the type of cakes. On this day we do have some unusual ones such as cinnamon bun and cappuccino roll but also the usual chocolate and Victoria sponge. At this point I had already listed every cake that we had.)

Customer: *referring to cakes* “They are all a bit weird, aren’t they?”

Me: “Well, we do have Victoria sponge and chocolate sponge, which are fairly common.”

Customer: “But all your cakes are sponge; I don’t like sponge.” *points at biscuits* “What are they?”

Me: “Melting moments. They are a type of biscuit.”

Customer: “I don’t like biscuits.” *points at scones* “Are they cherry?”

Me: “No, they’re cheese.”

Customer: “Oh, I wanted cherry.”

Me: “Well, I’m afraid we don’t have any cherry scones.”

Customer: “I’ll have a cheese scone, then.”

(I reach for a cheese scone thinking I’ll give her the biggest one to appease her.)

Customer: “No, I want that one.” *points to smaller more brown scone* “Are they all cheese scones?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Why do they look different?”

Me: “They are just different batches.”

(She leaves with her cheese scone to sit down and I think that is the end of it. I am doing the dishwasher when a coworker comes through.)

Coworker: “There’s a customer through there who wants to know if her cheese scone was made today. She says it’s bland.”

Me: “Tell her yes, they always are.”

(A while later I am tidying the front when the customer leaves, she comes over to the counter.)

Customer: “What’s the difference between the batches of scones?”

Me: “They were put in the oven at different times.”

Customer: “It was just a bit bland.” *hovers expectantly*

Me: “Oh, dear, thank you.” *walks off*

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Not Very Closed Minded, Part 14

| Philippines | Extra Stupid, Time

(I handle the social media for my family’s tea shop, so my cellphone number is also the published number of the shop. This call happens on a Monday, and we’re closed on Mondays.)

Caller: “Is this [Tea Shop]?”

Me: “Yes. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Are you open today? Because I’m here at your shop and the sign says closed.”

(I had to keep myself from reacting!)

Me: “Sorry… we’re closed on Mondays.”

Related:
Not Very Closed Minded, Part 13
Not Very Closed Minded, Part 12
Not Very Closed Minded, Part 11

Not Your Cup Of Tea

| England, UK | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Rude & Risque

(I work in a small tea merchant that sells about 200 different varieties of tea. A customer and his girlfriend come in. The girlfriend walks over to my coworker.)

Customer: *approaches me and leans in uncomfortably close* “Do you have any teas for men?”

Me: “Could you be a bit more specific, sir?”

Customer: “You know? For MEN!” *begins miming masturbating*

Me: “Err…”

Customer: *continues miming* “You know, a tea to make your d*** BIG and STRONG!”

Me: *stunned silence*

Customer: “No? Okay.”

(The customer and his girlfriend left the shop. My coworker and I looked at each other and just began laughing hysterically.)

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