(I live in a corner house so I can see the next few streets over. I call for a cab to get me to work because my bike has a flat tire that I don’t have time to fix.)

Taxi Dispatch: “Your taxi will be there in about five minutes.”

(Fifteen minutes later, it hasn’t arrived so I call back and sit on hold for five minutes when I receive a phone call.)

Taxi Driver #1: “Hey, I’m in front of your house”

Me: “No, you’re not. I’m standing on the porch.”

Taxi Driver #1: “Yes, I’m in front of your house. It’s [my address].”

Me: “Yes, that’s my address, but you’re not here. I’m standing right here and your cabs are bright orange, kinda hard to miss.”

Taxi Driver #1: “Yes, I’m in front of your house.”

Me: “Are you sure you didn’t pull into [next street over]? I just saw an orange car turn onto that road.”

Taxi Driver #1: “No, I’m on [my street], in front of your house.”

Me: “I don’t know how I can say this any other way, you’re not in front of my house. I would know.”

Taxi Driver #1: “Yes, I am on [my street].”

(This goes on for far too long and I would have just hung up but I am in a hurry. Luckily another cab from a different company drives by and I flag it down.)

Me: *to new cab* “Are you free?”

Taxi Driver #2: “Yeah, hop in. Where are we going?”

Me: *on phone* “Cancel that ride, I just found another cab.”

Taxi Driver #1: “Oh, you’re right. I am on [next street over].”

(He then drove the wrong way on a one way street to come over to my street, but I was already in the second cab and the driver was programming his GPS.)

Taxi Driver #1: *stops his car in the middle of the street and glares at me and the other driver until we leave*

(I drive a young, male customer about 11 miles from one town to another, running his fare just a little under $30. We arrive to his home and he gives me his debit card, and I slide it through a device attached to my phone. It gets declined.)

Me: “Do you have another form of payment?”

Customer: “No, that’s all I have! I don’t understand; I have over $1,000 in my account!”

Me: “Let me input the information manually. Maybe it will work that way.” *it gets declined once again* “Sorry, it’s not taking it. I can take you to your bank and you can see what’s going on?”

Customer: “I don’t have time for that! I don’t understand; there’s money in my account!”

Me: “I need payment from you. I cannot let this slide.”

Customer: “I don’t know what to tell you.”

Me: “I can run you to your bank quickly so we can get this straightened out.”

Customer: “I told you, I don’t have time for that!”

Me: “Look, you either have time to go to the bank, or you have time to deal with the police, because this is theft of services.”

(He quickly found a way to pay me after that!)

(I am manning a taxi stand at a sports complex hosting a national cheerleading competition. I am offering complimentary cold water to guests who are using our taxi service, as it is sometimes hot and humid in the Sunshine State. I am approached by two adults and a child who appears to be nine or ten years old.)

Dad: “We would like to go to [Destination].”

Me: “Certainly, sir. Can I offer anyone a cold water for the ride?”

Dad: “That would be great.” *takes water and turns to daughter* “Honey, would you like a cold water?”

Daughter: *crosses arms, frowns* “I WANT A STRAWBERRY LEMONADE.”

Dad: *turns to me, thrusts the water in my direction* “She wants a strawberry lemonade.”

Me: “No strawberry lemonade here, sir. Just complimentary water.

Dad: “BUT SHE WANTS STRAWBERRY LEMONADE!”

Me: “…”

(I close the door and watch the taxi drive away.)

Coworker: “Did that just happen?”

Me: “I’m going to start weeping for the future now.”

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(I’ve called a taxi three hours before a domestic flight. I live 20 minutes from the airport, so I figure this will be plenty of time to get there and through security. I get in the cab. A hellfire and brimstone sermon is playing loudly on the radio.)

Taxi Driver: *shouts over radio* “There’s construction, so I’m going to take a shortcut.”

Me: “Sure, cool. Your depot is a few blocks from my house, so you must know the routes to the airport best.”

Taxi Driver: “Yes, yes.”

(I start reading my book and look up to an unfamiliar residential area. I check my GPS and see we’re now 25 minutes in the opposite direction!)

Me: “Um, this is kind of a strange way to get to the airport…”

Taxi Driver: “No problem! No problem, miss! It’s a shortcut.”

Me: “Okay…” *that’s not what my phone says at all*

(A couple minutes pass, and the driver pulls over at a gas station.)

Taxi Driver: “I’m going to stop and ask for directions.”

Me: “I know how to get there, and I have GPS…”

Taxi Driver: *ignores me, gets out and goes to ask the cashier, and then comes back* “Okay! Easy, we’ll take a shortcut.”

(He turns out and goes the wrong way again. Now I’m a little scared.)

Me: “Really, I can set my GPS on the dash if that’s easiest. Or I can read you the directions. Turn north, take exit two—”

Taxi Driver: “No, no. I know how to get there. I don’t know how to use that.”

(He pulls over again by two men walking down the sidewalk.)

Taxi Driver: “EXCUSE ME! TELL ME HOW TO GET TO THE AIRPORT?!”

(The men look confused and shake their heads. This continues with the next person he passes as well. I seriously consider jumping out of the moving car.)

Me: “Please follow my directions! I know how to get there; I live here. My flight leaves in an hour and ten minutes and I’m going to miss it!”

Taxi Driver: “Oh, okay, fine, FINE! But that’s plenty of time! We can make it there in an hour!”

(Apparently, the guy didn’t know that there’s a cutoff for check-in and baggage long before boarding, as well as TSA. I gave him step by step directions and made it to the airport with six minutes to spare for check-in. He still aggressively demanded a good tip.)

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Taxing Taxiing

(Each cab at the company I work for is checked out by the driver each shift. When it’s checked out, it’s the driver’s responsibility to make sure the little things are taken care of. There is one coworker who is incredibly lazy and complains about everything. We’re talking over their walkie-talkies.)

Coworker: “This is such bulls***.”

Me: “What?”

Coworker: “Whoever had cab [number] last left it trashed! There’s [Fast Food] wrappers everywhere!” *continues to rant a few minutes*

Me: *checks the previous week’s schedule* “Um… [Coworker]? You were the last one to check out that cab.”

Coworker: “…”

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