Windscreen And A Smokescreen

, , , , , | Learning | January 30, 2018

(Since my school is a bit inaccessible by public transport, they’ve made arrangements with a taxi company for a carpooling scheme. Our driver is nice enough, but he’s also a heavy smoker. Obviously, he’s not allowed to smoke with us in the car, but he often attempts to circumvent this by filling it up with smoke before picking me up at the start of his route. Some variation of this conversation usually follows. I get in the car, immediately smell the smoke, and open the window.)

Driver: “It’s not that hot. We don’t need the window open.”

Me: “There’s smoke everywhere. I’m letting it out.”

Driver: “You’ll get used to the smell in a minute. Just leave it.”

Me: “It’s not the smell I’m worried about; it’s more than a dozen types of toxins.”

Driver: “Just live a little. You’re supposed to be experimenting with these things at your age.”

Me: “It’s because I want to live that I don’t want to passively smoke.”

(On one occasion, he tries locking the windows.)

Me: “You need to open this.”

Driver: “I’m fed up with you letting all the cold air in. So, I’m locking them from now on.”

Me: “If you don’t unlock it, I’ll tell the school and your boss what you’re doing.”

Driver: “Fine!” *opens the window*

(If the journey was delayed by traffic, he’d often snap and lean out the window for a quick smoke. Seriously, couldn’t he just hold it for an hour?)

Keep Note Of Taxis Like This

, , , , , , , | Working | January 8, 2018

(I live in Glasgow and have gotten a taxi to Queen Street Station. The driver has been perfectly calm and chatting with me up until now. When we get to the station, I see the cost is £17.60. I instinctively grab the first note in my wallet, believing only one to be in there, and hand it over.)

Driver: *furious* “This is a fiver!”

Me: “Oh, sorry. I didn’t know I had that in there.”

(I take it back and pull out the £20 note. In this time, however, the driver turns off the engine, locks the doors, and starts using his phone.)

Me: “Umm, here.”


(I sit down, confused and worried, as he dials the police, reporting my blunder as attempted theft. After he hangs up he spends the next couple of minutes mumbling at how the English, like me, can’t be trusted. When the police arrive, he gets out and starts ranting at them. I can only see the face of one officer, who doesn’t look too impressed. She comes over and talks to me through the window.)

Officer: “Now, I’m not going to get formal with you. You look respectable enough, and [Driver] phones us at least once week thinking someone is stealing from him. Can you pay?”

(I lift up the £20 and she looks at the meter before rolling her eyes.)

Officer: “So, what happened?”

Me: “I had another note in my wallet and took that out, instead.”

(She rolls her eyes again and goes back to the driver. The driver then comes back and takes my money. He hands me my change.)

Me: “You’ve short-changed me.”

Driver: *pretending to be calm* “No, I haven’t!”

Me: “You’ve given me 40p; I should have £2.40.”

(Both officers looked in the car at the meter, and the driver begrudgingly gave me the extra £2 before speeding off. The officers shrugged and left. I just made it to my train. The irony of it all was, he was also English.)

Unfiltered Story #101991

, | Unfiltered | December 31, 2017

This happened during the day on New Year’s Eve. My coworker and I were completely overwhelmed with work, non-stop calls, and our manager calling us every 5 minutes to tell us how to do our jobs. We took a quick break to go into the kitchen and get some food and water before getting back to the crazy rush. In the kitchen, we saw that one of our bosses had hung up a sign:

“Due to the most recent cutbacks, new rules for absences have been created for 2017:
Illness: Not a valid reason to be absent. Doctor’s notes are no longer accepted! If you can make it to the doctor, you can make it to work.
Absence due to surgery: Not accepted. Any employee who is considering surgery is to abstain from this. We need everything the employee can offer of flesh and blood. Service is to happen in the same condition as when the employment began. If anything is removed, the employee’s value is lowered. Exceptions can be made if paychecks are lowered to an equal value.
Death (your own): Your own death is accepted as a reason for absence. However, the employer is to be informed two weeks in advance, so the successor can be trained properly.
Visits to the dentist: We only hire people with dentures. Due to this, you can send your teeth for repairs by mail, instead of constantly going to the dentist.
Pregnancy: Completely forbidden. At work, you should sit with your legs crossed. The employer is to make sure that contraceptives are available.
Visits to a gynecologist: Must be avoided!! You can sit on a copymachine, take a picture, and send this to the gynecologist.
Toilet visits: Too much time is spent in the toilet. Due to this, a new 3-minute rule will be inforced. After 3 minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper is confiscated, the door is opened, and the toilet-goer is photographed. If this rule is broken several times, the photographs will be posted on the bulletin board.
Lunch: Thin people will get a 30 minute lunch break, since they need to eat more to look healthy. Normal people will get a 15 minute lunch break, so they can intake a balanced meal and keep their mediocre figure. Overweight people will get a 5 minute lunch break, since this is the amount of time needed to drink a protein shake.
Finally: Thank you for your loyalty to the unit. Our motto is to always have a positive attitude towards the business. It is therefore a matter of course that you send all your questions, comments, complaints, irritations, accusations, and other aggressions elsewhere.”

My coworker and I laughed so hard, that getting through the rest of the shift was quite a bit easier.

Very Taxing Taxiing, Part 3

, , , , , | Working | November 28, 2017

(I am a student at my local university, as well as a disabled person with a serious mental illness, as well as physical disabilities which put me in a wheelchair. Because of this, and the scarcity of local buses, the government pays towards me getting taxis to class. The taxi company knows that I am disabled. Today I go to get my taxi at 1:00 pm; I have to meet my support worker at 1:30, and my classes start at 2:00. It gets to ten minutes past with no sign of a taxi so I call the company.)

Me: “Hello, I booked a taxi for 1:00 pm and it’s not arrived.”

Company: “It’s on the way. It’ll be there soon.”

(Ten more minutes pass and no taxi, so I call again.)

Me: “Hello, I called before and my taxi still hasn’t arrived.”

Company: “It’s in [my area] now, so it won’t be long.”

Me: “Well, I’m meant to be there in ten minutes—” *they hang up on me part way through that sentence*

(At this point, I start hyperventilating and freaking out a bit. I’ve been on the side of the road in the cold for half an hour at this point, and my mental health problems mean I do not cope well with unexpected situations. I contact my support worker and tell them I will be late, and then speak to my carer to help me calm down a bit. Finally, at half-past, the taxi calls.)

Taxi: “Your taxi is here; I’m outside.”

Me: “Where are you?”

Taxi: “By the co-op. How do I get to you?”

Me: “I don’t know; I don’t know of a co-op around here. Just out of curiosity, what area are you in?”

Taxi: “I’m in [area around two miles away].”

Me: “I ordered it for [my area].”

Taxi: “Oh. I’ll be there in three minutes.”

(He hangs up and I wait. Finally he arrives, 40 minutes late. No apology. We get into the taxi and drive off. A few minutes later he turns to me.)

Taxi: “So, how do we get to the university?”

In Bad Company

, , , | Working | September 7, 2017

(I come home to find a taxicab parked in my parking spot. I didn’t order a taxi, and no one is in the cab. I call the taxicab company and they try to figure it out, but after an hour, I’m getting upset. So I call a local towing company and explain.)

Me: “Hello, there’s a yellow taxi in my driveway and I need it towed away.”

Towing: “HA HA HA! NO, we can’t tow a taxi cab! That’s PRIVATE PROPERTY! Call their company!”

Me: “I already did and they couldn’t figure it out. I need to park!”

Towing: “Sorry! Can’t help!” *click*

Me: “…”

(Eventually I had to park in the visitor’s space, which is much farther away. Seems to me like the towing company is always eager to tow private citizens’ cars, but not from a company! Anyone could slap a fake company’s name on their car and not have it towed!)

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