GPS: Great Practitioners Of Stupidity

, , , , , , | Right | January 3, 2011

Me: “Hello, this is [Taxi Service]. Can I have your pickup address, please?”

Caller: “I don’t know!”

Me: “Well, you will need to tell me some kind of an address.”

Caller: “Why can’t you just ‘GPS’ me?”


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Fairly Foolish Fares

, , , , | Right | December 15, 2010

(It’s four am and I’m driving a college-aged girl home.)

Passenger: “Can I ask you a question?”

Me: “Sure.”

Passenger: “You know the ducks in Central Park?”

Me: “Yes?”

Passenger: “Where do they go for the winter? When the lake freezes.”

Me: “I think they fly south.”

Passenger: “Really?”

Me: “To Florida, I think.”

Passenger: “That’s so weird. Are you Jewish?”

Me: “I’m Italian, actually.”

Passenger: “You sound really Jewish.”

Me: “Well, I’m from Long Island. Maybe it’s my accent.”

Passenger: “Can I ask you a personal question?”

Me: “Okay.”

Passenger: “Are people born in 1987 the lost generation?”

Me: “Um…”

(The entire cab ride was like this.)


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(Ursa) Major Pain In The A**

, , , | Right | September 29, 2010

(A customer calls and asks that he and his friend need to be picked up. He sounds intoxicated.)

Me: “Where should the driver pick you up?”

Caller: “Do you know Ursa Major?”

Me: “Ursa Major? Is it the name of a local business? A restaurant or a hotel?”

Caller: “What is this world coming to? It is a constellation! In the sky! We are standing right under it!”


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At The Corner Of Me & Myself

, , , , , | Right | April 15, 2010

Customer: “I’m looking for a taxi in my town, please.”

Me: “Okay. Where are you, sir?”

Customer: “In my living room.”

Me: “Which town are you in?”

Customer: “The junction by the nursing home.”

Me: “No… which town are you in, please?”

Customer: “You’re not very bright, are you?”


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Getting Your Priorities Straight

, , , , | Right | March 25, 2008

(A guest approaches the hotel front desk.)

Guest: “Um, hi… it looks like there was a pretty bad accident right down the street there…”

Me: “Oh okay, I’ll call 911.”

Guest: “It looks like a cab and a bus.”

Me: “Okay, thank you.” *picks up the phone*

Guest: What are you doing?

Me: “Calling 911.”

Guest: “Look, a lot of people have cell phones, I’m sure it’s fine. What I’m concerned about is that I think that was my cab.”

Me: “…?”

Guest: “SO ARE YOU GOING TO CALL ME A CAB OR NOT?!”


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