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He-Never-Saur That Coming

| Working | March 31, 2013

(During the winter months, I’m a regular user of the local taxi service. One night, they have a new guy. Note that I work at a call center.)

Driver: “So what do you do between calls up there?”

Me: “Oh, play with my dinosaur toys.”

Driver: “You’re HOW old?”

Me: “…Old enough to not care.”

Driver: “Does your boyfriend know you play with dinosaur toys?”

Me: “I’m actually engaged to a woman in England, but yes, she does.”

Driver: “…Oh.”

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Got A Taxi-ing Search Ahead Of Them

| Right | December 19, 2012

(My friend and I are just about to get out of a cab at 4 am when two girls approach the driver.)

Girl: “I forgot something in the last cab.”

Driver: “Which cab?”

Girl: “I don’t know.”

Driver: “Do you know which cab company?”

Girl: “No.”

Driver: “There are lots of companies.”

Girl: “Some old guy.”

Driver: “There are lots of old guys…”


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This Driver Can Go To Hail

| Working | August 23, 2012

(My boyfriend and I were going to take a cab home from a restaurant. My boyfriend holds the door of the cab open for me, so there are a few seconds where I am alone with the cab driver.)

Me: “Hello, we’ll be going to [hotel name], over on [street name].”

Cab Driver: “Sorry, I don’t take directions from women. Just wait until he gets in the car.”

Me: *dumbfounded*

(As soon as my boyfriend gets into the car…)

Cab Driver: “…And where will you be going today?”

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We Can Either Do This The Long Way Or The Long Way

| Right | March 4, 2012

(A passenger hails my taxi outside a bar.)

Me: “Good evening, sir. Where would you like to go?”

Passenger: “Take me to [other bar, about a $10 fare], and make sure you go the shortest way! Don’t be taking the long way around to get more money!”

Me: “Of course, I was going to go my usual way, which is the shortest and cheapest. Is that okay?”

Passenger: “No! That’s the long way! Take me this way.”

(The passenger proceeds to guide me on an angled course that adds at least 40% to the trip.)

Passenger: “Now, that’s the way you go! I’ve got you taxi drivers all figured out. You always try to go that other way, but mine is better!”


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Misadventures In Time And Space

, , , , | Right | April 25, 2011

Me: “[Taxi call center], how can I help you?”

Customer: “Oh my goodness. I need a cab right now!”

Me: “Alright, we’ll try and work fast as we can for you. What is the address we’re picking you up from?”

Customer: “1234 Smith Ave.”

Me: “That address is not showing up in our system. Is there a direction on Smith Ave? North, south, east or west?”

Customer: “I think it’s 1234 Smith Ave. Or it could be John St.”

Me: “Alright. If you’re not sure of the address, is there someone there you can ask, please?”

Customer: “Oh, this is my place.”

Me: “You don’t know your address? Do you receive mail at your home? Could you look at the address on that for me?”

Customer: “Hold on. Oh! It’s 1234 North Smith Ave!”

Me: “Okay, that went into the system just fine. We’ll try and get a cab over to you as soon as possible.”

Customer: “Oh dear. What time is it?”

Me: “It’s about 9:15.”

Customer: “Oh no! In the morning?”

Me: “No, it’s 9:15pm… at night.”

Customer: “Oh, good! I didn’t miss my appointment. I need a cab for the morning! I’ll call back then! Thank you! Bye!” *click*


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