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You’ve Been Uber-Nice!

| Right | February 22, 2016

(I am a new Uber driver, working my first Saturday with a full student population of 44,000 back from Christmas break with two home games. It’s been a hectic but pleasant afternoon when I pick up a woman catching the Megabus to Washington, DC, about a six to eight-hour ride. I have to drive through post-game traffic (which takes about 20 minutes), and during the ride she asked me to stop at a local restaurant to buy a snack for the trip.)

Me: “I’ve never been to [Restaurant], but have heard great things about it.”

Passenger: “Oh, it’s got really good crostini, paninis, and tramezzini. They have this amazing crostini with goat cheese, honey, and pepper.”

Me: “Sounds like a tasty combo. What’s a crostini?”

Passenger: “A small piece of toast with good stuff on top.”

Me: “Well, we’re about five minutes away. Maybe you should make a pickup call so you can make your bus.”

Passenger: “I’ll have to make it quick.”

(She calls the restaurant and is put on hold for several minutes, then orders what seems like a lot of food; by this time we are almost there.)

Passenger: “This could take a while. If you need to go park around the corner, I can find you.”

Me: “I think I can wait right here. Don’t want let your food get cold.”

(She is gone about 10 minutes. When she gets in, she hands me a small container.)

Passenger: “You’ve been very patient with me and the traffic so I got you a snack as well.”

Me: “Wow. I haven’t eaten since breakfast. Thanks a lot!”

(I dropped her off in plenty of time for the bus, and helped with the bags. Thank you, Megabus lady, you really made my 12-hour day!)

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Taxi’ing Morning

| Working | February 2, 2016

(I have a job interview in the morning at nine. I get up early enough to have plenty of time and zip outside to start my vehicle so it can warm up a bit since it is -30C outside. I start the vehicle, lock the doors thinking I have my spare set in my purse, I run back into the garage where I fall face first, hurting both knees quite badly. I get up, finish getting ready, go to my vehicle to start work and I can’t get into my vehicle, I’ve locked both sets of my vehicle keys in there. And now I’ve shut the garage door on my way out so I’m essentially locked out of my house and my vehicle, it’s -30C and I have a job interview in 30 minutes. I call a cab company, panicking, explain what’s happened and they send someone out.)

Me: “Thank you so much for coming so fast, I know you guys are busy this morning.”

Cab Driver: “No problem, my boss said you sounded pretty panicked.”

Me: “Yeah, I have a job interview in 30 minutes and I’m locked out of my house and my running vehicle is close to empty so I need a ride to my mum’s house so I can get my other spare vehicle key, then a ride back to my house to pick up my vehicle.”

Cab Driver: “Oh, that’s no good! Okay, I’ll hurry up then.”

(The cab driver gets through town super fast, waits for me to grab my spare key, drives me back to my car then…)

Cab Driver: “I’ll follow you to the gas station to make sure you get there in time. Worst case I’ll zip you over to your job interview at least.”

(Worst interview morning ever. Best cab driver ever. I tipped him big and he followed me to the gas station. Didn’t get the job, but after that morning, I was just glad I got to the interview on time – all thanks to him!)

 

Dear readers! This story was originally submitted without a title, to encourage you to come up with a witty submission yourselves. After considering the many amazing suggestions in the comments section, we have come up with the title above. Thank you all for participating; we had a blast reading them!

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Owns These Streets

| Related | December 19, 2015

(I am driving a family to a restaurant. There is a mother, father, their teenage son, and his grandfather.)

Grandfather: “Hey! You need to turn; you’re going down the wrong street!”

Me: “I know that, but in order to get where we’re going we have to go down this street first, AND THEN turn. From where we came from I couldn’t pull directly onto the street we are going to, but we’ll be back on track in no time.”

(There are a few seconds of silence.)

Son: “Owned, Grandpa.”

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Minus 25 Degrees For Plus 25 Minutes

| Working | December 4, 2015

(The following takes place on a day when the temperature is -25 degrees Celsius.)

Me: “Hi, can I get a cab at [Address], please?”

Dispatcher: “Is that an apartment or a house?”

Me: “It’s a townhouse, but the complex I live in can be confusing. It would probably be best for me to meet the driver in the parking lot.”

Dispatcher: “Sounds good.” *goes to hang up*

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, do you have any idea how long it will be?”

Dispatcher: *annoyed* “I don’t know. Why do people always ask me that?”

Me: “Well, in my case, it’s because I can’t see the parking lot from my window. I’m going to be standing outside… in Canada… in the winter… and I want to be out there for as little time as possible.”

Dispatcher: “Well, I dunno… 5-30 minutes, anyway.” *hangs up*

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Back To The Uber

, , , | Right | November 3, 2015

(A large group of us are going from a house party to a club, so we order two separate Ubers. My group gets into the second Uber just as the first one is pulling away.)

Me: “Driver! Follow that car!”

Uber Driver: “Awesome! I’ve always wanted someone to say that!”

(We pull away and start following our friends in the first Uber.)

Uber Driver: “So, why are we following them?”

(My three slightly tipsy friends and I all answer simultaneously.)

Friend #1: “Kidnapping.”

Friend #2: “Terrorists.”

Friend #3: “Aliens.”

Me: “Time Travelers.”

Uber Driver: “So… time-traveling alien terrorists have kidnapped someone?”

Me: “That’s right!”

Uber Driver: “Well I have a flux-capacitor in the back!”

Me: “But this isn’t a DeLorean!”

Uber Driver: “Yeah, Uber wouldn’t let me use the DeLorean for fear I would get the passengers to their destinations before they even left their point of origin. Temporal paradoxes and all that. But I still have the spare flux-capacitor, so don’t tell them!”

Me: “Your secret is safe with us.”

Uber Driver: “So shall we time travel to stop the evil alien time-traveling terrorists from their fiendish scheme?”

Friend #1: “I see a problem with that plan.”

Me: “What’s that?”

Friend #1: “Good luck hitting 88 mph in downtown San Francisco…”

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