It’s Not Like They’re Permanent Or Anything

, , , | Right | September 15, 2009

(A walk-in customer goes to sit in the tattoo chair, which is unusual before a consultation.)

Me: “How are you today?”

Customer: “Oh, a little nervous. This is my first tattoo.”

Me: “There’s nothing to be afraid of. The process is generally more annoying than painful. What sort of design are we doing for you?”

Customer: “Oh, I have to pick one?!”


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Identity Crisis

, , , , , , | Right | September 3, 2009

Customer: “Hi, I want twenty Marlboros.”

Me: “Do you have any ID at all?”

(The customer lifts his right sleeve on his t-shirt to reveal a tattoo of a date.)

Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t accept that.”

Customer: “Why not? That’s my f****** date of birth! You think I’d just get some random date done on my arm?”

Me: “We need photo ID, sir, like a driver’s license or a passport.”

(The customer points at his face.)

Me: “Umm…”


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Hard Core Ambitions, Soft Core Realities

, , , | Right | May 28, 2009

Customer: “Hey, I want this tattoo on my arm.” *holds out a piece of paper*

Me: “Okay, let me see…” *looks at the paper* “Are you sure this is right?”

Customer: “Yeah, I’m sure. It’s hardcore. You know, HC!”

Me: “Yeah, but I’m not sure if this is right.”

Customer: “Yeah, it’s right. You’re old, so you won’t get it!”

Me: “Okay, so let me get this straight: you want this exact tattoo on your arm?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “You want your tattoo to say this?” *shows him his paper*

Customer: “Yes!”

(I ask him several more times to be sure, but he insists it’s right so I give him his tattoo: “HAR CORE” with the “D” conspicuously absent. After several days of showing how “hard core” he is to his friends, they convince him to come back and get it fixed; it now says “HC”.)


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Protection Against The Inevitable

, , , | Right | May 19, 2009

(A pregnant teenage girl walks in with her mom and boyfriend.)

Customer: “Hi. Can I get my tongue pierced?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but you are pregnant, right?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “We can’t pierce anybody that’s pregnant, I’m sorry.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Me: “Well, any slight infection in your tongue could hurt your unborn child.”

Customer: “But that’s only if it gets infected, right?”

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