Don’t Even Need To Ink About It

| Right | April 23, 2017

(I own a tattoo parlour with a highly sought after artist. He has a very unique style, and often has clients who come from all over the world to get tattooed. This means he’s booked months, even years, in advance. He doesn’t do walk-ins, and only accepts projects that he feels will let him expand as an artist. He also keeps a cancellation list with secondary projects that he will accept if a spot opens up. He’s courteous enough to accept all consultations, but generally doesn’t add anyone to his list. One Monday, our consultation day, a girl in her early twenties comes in asking for a consultation.)

Customer: “Hi, I’m here for a consultation with [Artist]. He’s expecting me.” *smiles smugly*

Me: “Actually, we don’t make appointments for consultations, but [Artist] should be done with his current consultation soon, so you’re more than welcome to wait. Do you have a particular design in mind? One of our other artists might be able to handle it.”

Customer: *rolls her eyes* “Um, no. I want to be tattooed by [Artist]. He’s got something special already planned for me.”

Me: “Ah, okay. Well then, feel free to sit down and wait.”

(We get this a lot: people trying to weasel their way into his schedule, claiming they know him, he’s a friend, he’s already designed it, etc. He’s told us to just send the people back through to him rather than creating a scene at the front desk.)

Customer: “Can I book my appointment first, though? I want [Date and Time].”

Me: “I’m sorry; [Artist] likes to make all the appointments himself. He’s very selective about who he works with. He’s actually fully booked for the next 15 months, but we might be able to put you on the cancellation list if he likes your idea.”

Customer: *rolls her eyes* “Whatever. I already told you he’s got something special for me. He’ll book me for [Date and Time].”

(I realize I’m not going to get anywhere with this girl, so I show her to the waiting room and give her a consultation form to fill out. I also shoot Artist a text warning him about his next consultation. About 15 minutes later, the girl storms out of Artist’s office, screaming profanities at Artist.)

Customer: “You’re such a f****** asshole! Do you seriously think you’re so good you can reject my idea?! I’m PAYING you to do that, so YOU WORK FOR ME! F*** you! I’m going to f****** ruin your reputation! No one will want a tattoo from you after I’m done! F*** YOU AND YOUR S***TY SHOP!”

(She slams the front door so hard she manages to crack the glass.)

Me: “Geeze, [Artist] what did you tell her?”

Artist: “The truth. I told her I’m fully booked, and I didn’t like her idea. She refused to discuss other ideas, so I told her I didn’t want to work with her. If someone’s a pain in the ass during the consult, they’re going to a nightmare during the actual appointment. Not worth the headache.”

(Later we discovered she had left very negative and very rude reviews on our Facebook page and Yelp. However, due to Artist’s outstanding reputation, she was promptly told off by many of his clients. She has also been blacklisted at many of the tattoo shops around the city.)

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A Piercing Critique On Your Prices

| Right | June 7, 2016

(A young customers enters.)

Customer: “Hi, how much for an eyebrow piercing?”

Me: “Hi, it’s 40 Euros.”

Customer: *sadly* “But I have only 20…”

(This is something a lot of people try to do. It’s pretty annoying for us, because it’s just a loss of time and it’s insulting. They wouldn’t do that in another store.)

Me: “I’m sorry but there’s nothing I can do. We use sterile material, sterile gloves, sterile needles, sterile titanium jewelry. This has a certain cost and we have a rent to pay.”

Customer: “But I have only 20.”

Me: “You can pay with a [Credit Card] or withdraw at the ATM right here in the street.”

Customer: “I can’t. I’m on probation and this is my last 20.”

Me: “Maybe you shouldn’t spend them on a piercing, then?”

Customer: “I know there is a place where every piercing costs five Euros.”

Me: *staying calm* “Yes, there are some shops like that. I have to tell you that those shops are really dangerous; they pierce without gloves with non-sterilised jewelry and a lot of people get allergies and infections there. If you don’t have a lot of money, don’t go there.”

Customer: “Okay! Can you give me the directions to get there?”

Me: *shocked* “No! I’m sorry but no, I can’t send you to those scammers!”

Customer: *obviously not getting it* “Can you print me a map?”

Me: *giving up* “You will find a map right here in the subway. Have a nice day.”

Customer: “But you didn’t gave me the address!”

Me: “I won’t. Have a nice day, and please let me get back to work.”

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Very Bad Reception… Probably

| Working | February 9, 2016

(I’m the receptionist for a tattoo shop. My boss calls me into his office.)

Boss: “Can you check for a name and email address in our system to see who they worked with?”

(I check.)

Me: “The name came back with nothing, meaning they have never been a client.

Boss: “Hmm. I received an email. The subject line read, ‘Your receptionist’ and the body of the email was, ‘is a c***.’ I replied to the email asking who it was he spoke to, as there are two receptionists, and asked for the details of the conversation so I may reprimand accordingly. I never received a response. I’m not really sure what this is about, so just…”

Me: “Don’t be c***?”

Boss: “Yeah. Don’t be a c***.”

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Experienced With The Questioning Of Experience

| Working | January 11, 2016

(I’ve come in to get a relatively new septum jewellery change, which is free from the place where I got my piercing. I’m lying down waiting for the piercer to finish prepping, and we’re just chatting.)

Piercer: “Been doing much today?”

Me: “Nope, just cruising. Have you been working long?”

Piercer: “As in today, or in general?”

Me: “Today.”

Piercer: “Only about two hours.”

Me: “Oh, not too bad, then. No, I was actually just going to lie here and question all your experience.”

Piercer: “You’d be surprised how many people do that.”

Me: *in a mock-aggressive voice* “You ever done this before, punk?”

Piercer: *in a mock-timid voice* “It’s only my first day! Be nice!”

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A Piercing Observation

| Working | September 15, 2015

(I’m helping my friend pick out some new earrings and everything has been pretty normal up until this point.)

Cashier: “Hey, do any of you want to pierce your nose?”

Me: *laughing* “No, I don’t think my parents would like that.”

Cashier: “But you’ve already got a few!”

Me: “Huh? No…”

Cashier: “You’ve got one right there!” *points at a fairly large mole on my upper lip*

Me: “That’s a mole.”

Cashier: “Oh, okay.” *goes back to tidying a case like nothing happened*

(It’s kind of scary to think that a guy like him does piercings for a living.)

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