Black Friday Strikes Earlier Every Year

, , | Right | January 4, 2018

(I own a tattoo parlour, and for the last 15+ years we’ve given Black Friday deals. However, due to the popularity of these appointments (15% off, plus waiving the supply charge), we open bookings on a specific day in September. Shop policy is that all appointments must be made in person so a deposit can be paid, and a quick consult can be given. In mid-August we advertise which day BF appointments can be made. As soon as we start advertising, a woman calls and tries to book an appointment. I tell her that she’ll have to come down to the shop on the specific day and time if she wants to book on BF. She absolutely loses it and hangs up the phone. Later that day she comes in, screaming about how she needs to book an appointment on BF. Again, we tell her no, and she storms out. Then booking day rolls around. We open at 10 am and there’s already a line up. I’m upstairs booking in a customer when the woman comes back.)

Woman: *pushes to the front of the queue* “All right, I’m here to book my appointment. I want [Highly Sought-After Artist] to do a [horribly cliché design] all over my back. It’ll probably take all day, so make sure he doesn’t book anyone else.”

Me: “Certainly, ma’am. Although you’ll have to wait at the back of the queue for your turn. If [Artist] still has time available, I’ll definitely book you in.”

Woman: “What?! NO! I’ve been trying to get through to you people for ages! I want to book my tattoo! NOW!” *stomps her foot*

Me: “Once you’ve queued like everyone else, I’ll most certainly help you. Until then, excuse me.”

(I manage to ignore her long enough, and she finally leaves, all the while screaming. I figure this is the last I’ll see of her, but Black Friday rolls around and low and behold, she shows up, claiming she has an appointment.)

Woman: “I’m here for my appointment with [Artist]. I was getting [design], remember?”

Me: “Ma’am, you don’t have an appointment. I told you months ago you would have to queue like everyone else, and you refused. And, quite frankly, I’m going to refuse you services based on how you’ve acted every time you’ve been in here. Please leave.”


Me: “Look, lady, you’ve got five minutes to leave or I’m calling the police.”

(She screeches like a banshee and actually rips one of our artist’s paintings off the wall and smashes the frame. No charges are pressed since the actual painting was fine, and we don’t want to deal with her anymore. Weeks later, she comes back with sunglasses and dyed hair, but still recognizable by her hand tattoos.)

Me: “Ma’am, please leave. You’re banned from this shop due to all the Black Friday grief you caused last month. You need to leave now, or I’ll call the police.”

Woman: “Uhh, no. That was my sister.”

(Police ended up escorting her out.)

1 Thumbs

A Tatty Tattoo

, , , , , | Hopeless | January 1, 2018

(A friend of mine works as an artist in a tattoo parlor. One of his friends is well-known for being a weird and all-around goofy kind of person, and is also a regular. He comes in for a consultation on his next tattoo.)

Friend: “Okay, so, what is it that you want?”

Regular: “I want this on my left bicep, surrounded by roses!”

(He hands over a printed out paper that says, “NO REGERTS,” in Comic Sans.)

Regular: “And it needs to be in that exact font!”

Friend: “You realize you spelled ‘regrets’ wrong, right?”

Regular: “Well, duh! I want it spelled exactly like that!”

Friend: “Is that really what you want on your bicep for the rest of your life?”

Regular: “Yep! That way if I die in a horrible accident, when my wife comes to identify the body, she can take one look at that tattoo, sigh, and go, ‘Yes, that’s my husband, all right.’”

(My friend said it was painful to do an intentionally bad tattoo, but according to him, it fit his friend’s personality perfectly, and the guy seemed happy with it, anyway.)

1 Thumbs

Surely You’ve Tattooed Stranger Things

, , , , | Working | November 2, 2017

(My dog recently passed away, and I decide to get a tattoo of him on the inside of my arm. I show the artist a picture and he starts drawing the design on my arm with a marker. Just as he is getting the ink ready, I notice something is a little off.)

Me: “Excuse me. You did this upside-down.”

(The head is near my elbow and the bottom is near my wrist.)

Artist: “No, I didn’t.”

Me: “I wanted it to start at my wrist.”

Artist: “But then it would look upside-down.”

Me: “I want it there, so I can look at it, and so that I can show it off to my friends, like this.” *I flip my arm over*

Artist: “But everyone else will think it’s upside-down.”

Me: “I don’t think anyone will be able to get a good look at that part of my arm under normal circumstances.”

Artist: “Fine.” *he redraws my tattoo facing the right direction* “It’s going to look like this forever; are you sure you don’t want it the other way?”

Me: “This is good.”

Artist: “Okay. I hope you like your upside-down tattoo.”

1 Thumbs

The Unoriginal A**hole

, , , , , | Friendly | October 4, 2017

(I’m getting a few small tattoos at a nice parlor that’s doing a $20 special. There’s a pretty big line. The parlor has about 20 sheets with multiple tattoo designs that fall under the special. I have a saying tattooed on my arm: “For something to be fixed, it must first be broken.”)

Friend: “You never said what tattoos you were getting.”

Me: “I want the flower by my ankle, the book on my wrist, and if we have time I want to get the cracked mirror added to this one.” *indicates tattoo on my arm*

Rude Guy: “Wow. What unoriginal tattoos you’re getting.”

Friend: “Uh, you know there’s a finite amount of designs they’re doing today, right?”

Me: “Also, it’s my body, so I can add whatever art I want to it.”

Rude Guy: “Whatever. If you want the crappy tattoos, get them. I’m just some guy and have like fifteen tats already, but what do I know?”

Me: “Okay, we’re ignoring him now. Did you ever decide between those two?”

(A little while later, a tattoo artist grabs me, my friend, and the guy behind us to confirm what designs we want. I decide to get the cracked mirror on top of my other two.)

Rude Guy: *scoffing* “How many chicks got those exact tattoos in those exact places already? How original.”

Artist: “If you have a problem with the art, you can leave. If you wanna be a jack-a** to people getting tattoos, I ain’t gonna ink you.” *he notices my arm tattoo* “I like the saying. What’s it from?”

Me: “I really don’t know if I heard it somewhere or what, but I got it a few years ago. In the past two years it’s been a reminder that, even though I had cancer and still have lingering medical problems, I’m not broken.”

Friend: “And her last surgeon liked it so much she got permission to take a picture of the tattoo. It’s hanging in her office now.”

(The artist chatted with us and collected our payment. My friend went first because she only wanted one, then the rude guy, who was getting two, then me. Turns out, the tattoo my friend was getting was the same as one of the ones the rude guy wanted, and in the same spot. The rude guy turned bright red and stormed out of the parlor. The artist put the $40 he left behind towards our tattoos. We gave him the original amount as a tip.)

1 Thumbs

Think Before You Ink, Part 2

| Right | May 26, 2017

(I am a tattoo artist. A female client comes in asking if we can cover up a tattoo on her arm. She shows me a large tribal cross and rose; it’s very dark and badly done. Also a little crooked. We discuss what she wants and she’s looking for a girly anchor piece with flowers. I draw out a black anchor with flowers and explain that this may take 3 sessions and it won’t look complete right away. She agrees with the design and I do the first session. She pays and we schedule her to come back in a few weeks for the 2nd session. She comes in on her appointment day a few hours early and storms up to the counter.)

Me: “Hi, [Client], how’s the tattoo looking?”

Client: “It looks like s***. I can’t believe you did this to me.”

Me: *quite in shock* “What do you mean?”

Client: “It looks unfinished and like crap. I demand my money back!”

Manager: “Ma’am, your tattoo isn’t done. Your second session is in a few hours.”

Client: “No, she told me it was done. It looks nothing like what I wanted!”

Me: “I explained the entire process several times during the first appointment. You walked out knowing it wasn’t complete.”

Client: “You’re lying! I want my money back! Where’s the owner?!”

(At this point the owner stepped in and took her outside to talk. He came back in and said she agreed to let him finish the piece but they had to reschedule as he had other appointments. I tried to let it go and write it off as a crazy customer, but right after she left, she posted on social media a pic of the unfinished tattoo and a drawing she pulled off the Internet of a completely different design. With it was a scathing review. Thankfully my existing clients all jumped in to my rescue. I heard she tried other shops in the area and they all pointed her to us as we specialized in cover-ups.)


1 Thumbs