Weekend Roundup: Caught Red-Handed

, , , , | Not Always Right | Right | May 6, 2012

Caught Red-Handed! There’s nothing quite as sheisty as customer trying to pull a fast one—and nothing quite as satisfying as catching one red-handed!

  1. Caught Red-Handed:
    A sneaky customer gets called out by another customer—who just happens to be an employee!
  2. Piercing Observation:
    Underaged customers FAIL, basic biology WIN.
  3. Caught Brown Handed:
    Proof that some trails of evidence are self-evident, salty and sticky!
  4. Tripped Up:
    If customers are gonna cry child abuse, they’d better “step” up their game!
  5. A Squeaky Clean Record:
    An employee takes it easy on a young (and very squeaky) scammer.

PS #1: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!

PS #2: Read more roundups here!

What’s “Bad Liar” In Asian

| Toronto, Canada | Right | July 18, 2011

(Two obviously underaged girls walk into my tattoo parlor.)

Girl #1: “We want to get our names in Asian writing.”

Me: “Asian writing–you mean like in kanji? It doesn’t really work that way. You’d have to get someone to translate it as best they can and then bring it in to us.”

Girl #2: “Can’t we just tell you our names and you write them in Asian?”

Me: “No, I’m a tattooer and unfortunately don’t have a second job as a translator. Also, how old are you?”

Girl #1: “I’m…16. You have to be 16 to get tattooed right?”

Me: “Only if you also have a copy of your ID and parental consent.”

Girl #2: “Uh…we don’t have our IDs. They got stolen. Can’t we just call my mom?”

Me: “No.”

Girl #1: “What if we really promise not to tell?”

Me: “No. ‘Really promise’ doesn’t exactly meet health board requirements.”

Girl #2: “There’s a board for health?”

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Piercing Observation

| Miami, FL, USA | Right | July 14, 2010

(I’m approached by what looks to be a teenager and a younger child.)

Teenager: “Hello. My daughter would like to get her belly button pierced.”

Me: “Did the man at the front check your ID?”

Teenager: “No.”

Me: “I’m going to have to.”

(I see that he is seventeen years old.)

Me: “Sir, this ID shows that you’re even younger then me. How old are you?”

Younger Child: “Eleven.”

Me: “So she’s eleven?”

Teenager: “Yes.”

Me: “And you’re seventeen?”

Teenager: “Yes.”

Me: “So you had her when you were six?”

*long pause*

Younger Child: “I told you it wouldn’t work, dumba**!”

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She Has ‘Trouble’ Written All Over Her

| Atlanta, GA, USA | Right | February 18, 2010

Customer: “Yeah, I want to see about getting a tattoo. Can you guys do that?”

Me:  “Sure. Do you have something in particular in mind?”

Customer:  “I don’t know? Something pretty?”

Me: “Like a butterfly? A flower?”

Customer: “Oh, I don’t know. Maybe a word or something? Something that means something?  Do you have a book of words and what they mean?”

Me:  “You mean like…a dictionary?”

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Not Born Yesterday

| | Right | December 15, 2009

(As a general rule, we refuse to tattoo anyone has had a baby in the last three months.)

Me: “Okay, so you’re getting this name?” *spells it out to check correct spelling*

Customer: “Yeah, can I get her date of birth underneath, too?”

Me: “Sure, what is it?”

Customer: “19th September.”

Me: “Um, today is the 24th November.”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “So, your daughter isn’t 3 months old yet. We can’t tattoo you for another few weeks. We explained this when you arranged your appointment and you told us she’d be 3 months old.”

Customer: “She’s 3 months old.”

Me: “She can’t be, this is the 11th month. She was born in the 9th month. So she isn’t 3 months old.”

Customer: “She’s 3 months old.”

Me: “No, she’s 2 months old. She was born in September, so she’ll be 3 months in December.”

Customer: “Wait. So she’s not 3 months old?”

Me: “Not for another month.”

Customer: “Oh.”

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