Tit For Tat

| ME, USA | Working | October 18, 2013

(On my 21st birthday, I go to a tattoo/piercing parlor run by a husband and wife to get my first tattoo. Having participated in theatre all through high school, it has become a habit to wear a plain black tank top underneath my regular shirts. Note that I’m also a rather well-endowed woman.)

Artist: “So where did you say you wanted this done?”

Me: “Somewhere along here, on my clavicle.”

Artist: “Well if it’s that far up, then you won’t be able to wear a bra for the healing duration. With the, ah, weight it bears, it could stretch your skin and distort the tattoo.”

(I indicate lower down toward my breasts.)

Me: “Well, how about here?”

Artist: “Ah, that’ll work. Now… hmm…”

(He fusses with my shirt a bit, which is getting in the way, and finally he just tugs the collar down and rests his hand on my breast for a moment while trying to figure out if that would work.)

Me: “Oh, right, I’m sorry.”

(I sit up and start pulling my shirt over my head.)

Artist: “Whoa missy, whoa there!”

(I am sitting there with my tank top on, and my t-shirt off.)

Me: “Oh. I maybe should have warned you, huh?”

Artist: “Oh my god, give me a heart attack! I’m like, ‘My wife’s right here and you already paid.’ I appreciate the show and all, but, you know. Wait until the missus is gone.”

(His wife, the piercing artist, just sits back and laughs. I leave him a $10 tip.)

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These Customers Aren’t Even Faintly Sharp

| Canada | Right | October 8, 2013

(A female and male customer walk into my tattoo parlor.)

Female Customer: “Hi, I’d like to get my lip pierced, but I’m terrified of needles. Is there anything you can do?”

Me: “Well, you could use [freezing cream] which would numb the skin and you wouldn’t feel a thing.”

Female Customer: “Hmm, I don’t think so. Just show me the needle and I’ll faint, and then you can do the piercing.”

Me: “Uh, I think that’s illegal.”

(As I say this, the female customer has apparently spotted some of our needles nearby still in their packaging, which she apparently has no problems with. Without warning, she grabs one, rips it out of its packaging and proceeds to faint on the spot. The male customer speaks up in her place.)

Male Customer: “Can’t you just do it now?”

(I proceed to call an ambulance. Thankfully the woman is fine. My coworkers and I still talk about it!)

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Not Ink-lined To Help

| Canada | Working | November 27, 2012

(I’m trying to make an appointment at a popular tattoo parlor. Note that one of the owners is known for having an attitude and giving bad advice.)

Owner: “How can I help you?”

Me: “Ah, yes, I’d like to make an appointment for April 1st.”

Owner: “Okay, and how big is your tattoo, and where do you want it?”

Me: “It would be on my arm, and I sent an email with the image last week.”

Owner: “Did you get a call back? If not, wait for it.”

Me: “I need it on a specific day, though. Could you see if it’s open, please?”

Owner: “No, it’s not my problem!” *hangs up*

They Have Trouble Written All Over Them

| GA, USA | Right | November 16, 2012

(I own a tattoo parlor in a small section of the downtown area. I won’t tattoo anyone who is drunk, or even if I suspect they have been drinking. This takes place the day after I turned away someone who didn’t even look old enough to get a tattoo, let alone drink. They return with what appears to be a parent.)

Young customer: “That’s the b**** who wouldn’t give me a tattoo last night!”

Older customer: “Is that true?”

Me: “Yes.”

Older customer: “Well, why the h*** not?”

Me: “First, she had no ID. Secondly, she was drunk.”

Older customer: “So what? There is no excuse for you not giving her a tattoo. Haven’t you heard that the customer is always right?!”

Me: “We don’t tattoo drunk people. Also, if you have no ID, I can’t tattoo you.”

Older customer: “That’s the stupidest thing I ever heard!”

Me: “Well, I don’t know what to tell you then.”

Young customer: “Here’s my ID now, d***!” *throws the ID at me*

Me: Uh huh, so you’re sixteen, and you are who to this person exactly?”

Older customer: “Her father!”

Me: “Right. Well, I’m just going to go ahead and call the police.”

Older customer: “Do that! I’ll have you arrested!”

Me: “For what, exactly? Refusing to give your drunk underage daughter a tattoo? You do realize that her drinking is against the law, don’t you? If someone is getting arrested today, it won’t be me.”

Older customer: “I’ll teach you! I’ll kick your a**!”

(The older customer attempts to hit me, but I’ve been around long enough that I know how to defend myself. I quickly react in defense, knocking him onto his rear end, much to his shock.)

Me: “This will go one of two ways. You can get the h*** out of my parlor, or I can throw you out of it. And if I ever see either one of you around here again, the police will be the least of your worries. Am I clear?”

(The older customer grabs the younger one by the arm, and bolts. I haven’t seen them in the area since.)

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Weekend Roundup: Caught Red-Handed

, , , , | Not Always Right | Right | May 6, 2012

Caught Red-Handed! There’s nothing quite as sheisty as customer trying to pull a fast one—and nothing quite as satisfying as catching one red-handed!

  1. Caught Red-Handed:
    A sneaky customer gets called out by another customer—who just happens to be an employee!
  2. Piercing Observation:
    Underaged customers FAIL, basic biology WIN.
  3. Caught Brown Handed:
    Proof that some trails of evidence are self-evident, salty and sticky!
  4. Tripped Up:
    If customers are gonna cry child abuse, they’d better “step” up their game!
  5. A Squeaky Clean Record:
    An employee takes it easy on a young (and very squeaky) scammer.

PS #1: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!

PS #2: Read more roundups here!

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