(Our laptops have loud security alarms attached to prevent theft, but they are overly sensitive and regularly set off accidentally. An alarm has just been set off, and I hurry over to deactivate it.)
Me: “Ah, don’t panic; let me fix that for you!”
Customers: “Oh, did we set that off?”
Me: “Did you breathe on them?”
Customers: “Uh… Yes?”
Me: “Then yes, you did.”
(A customer is picking up a regular prescription medication but he also wants something else.)
Customer: “Can I also have some ‘Stuffy Nose Squirts’?”
(He wanted a decongestant nasal spray.)
(In Australia, purchasing certain medications requires the cashier, by law, to ascertain for whom the medication is intended and whether or not they’ve used the medication before. It’s about half an hour before closing time and it’s been a busy day, so I’m running on autopilot, when a man comes up to the counter.)
Male Customer: “Can I have some [period pain medication], please?”
Me: “Sure. That’s just for yourself, and you’ve used it before?”
(I am with my mum and some friends of the family at a restaurant. We have ordered our meals and they just arrived.)
Mum: “OH, MY GOD!”
(Everyone looks over to see some form of worm or larvae inside the duck she ordered.)
Mum: *not in an angry tone but more looking to help out* “Excuse me; there are some worms in my meal.”
(The waiter walks over and inspects the duck.)
Waiter: “I don’t see anything.”
Everyone At The Table: “What do you mean?”
Waiter: “I can take it back to have it inspected.”
Mum: “That would be great.”
(After a short wait the manager with the waiter come back.)
Manager: “We inspected the duck and found no worms.”
Mum: “We all saw it.”
(Everyone nods and agrees.)
Manager: “We can’t do anything; if you’d like a free meal or refund, we aren’t giving you one!”
(At this point the manager is yelling.)
Mum: “We told you to let you know that maybe your supplier has a problem, and that it should be checked up.”
Manager: “THAT COSTS MONEY!”
Mum: “We only want to help; we don’t want any refund or free meals.”
Manager: “WE AREN’T GOING TO LISTEN TO YOU. WE HAD THE DUCK CHECKED AND NO WORMS WERE THERE!”
Mum: “Are you seriously getting angry at us for making a suggestion to change suppliers?”
(We left and filed a complaint to health services.)
(I work at a computer store in the repair section. I’ve just diagnosed a customer’s computer and called them to say what needs fixing.)
Me: “I found that the email program wasn’t loading due to a corrupt file caused by bad sectors on the drive. My recommendation is to replace the drive.”
Customer: “Can I have some time to think about it?”
(This is normal and usually means the customer is considering buying a new machine rather than repairing their old one. When they ring back:)
Me: “So, have you decided to go through with the repair?”
Customer: “My nephew just Googled the problem and it couldn’t be a faulty hard drive.”
(I was dumbstruck at this point. They were waiting for my response and I didn’t know what else to tell them. Apparently my answer, based on evidence and backed by 20 years experience, held less weight than an answer from a relative who spent five minutes on Google. I wanted to just tell them to fix it themselves, but then I would still have to charge the diagnosis fee. In the end, I did what any self-respecting worker would do: I handed the problem off to the other tech to deal with.)
