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Never Sausage An Unhealthy Thing Before

, , , , , | Friendly | September 4, 2018

One of my colleagues is a naturopath and health nut. She’s noticed that I have a certain fondness for hot chips/fries and often buy them for lunch, and she’s taken to telling me how unhealthy, fatty, salty, etc. they are, in a vain attempt to improve my diet.

One day, just for a change, I decide to buy a sausage roll for lunch. My colleague notices this and proceeds to lecture me on how much worse this is for me, because of how many carbs are in the pastry and how much fat is in the meat.

The next day I buy chips again. I show them to my colleague and tell her that I went with the healthier option.

The horrified and appalled look on her face was priceless, and was well worth the earful she gave me!

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Knows How To Push Your Button

, , , , , | Related | July 3, 2018

(My 16-year-old son has been home by himself while I’m at work.)

Son: “Hi, Mum. I washed the clothes.”

Me: “Thanks. Hang on, the wet clothes are still in the machine.”

Son: “Yeah, I didn’t hang them out.”

Me: “But I loaded the machine.”

Son: “Yeah, I know.”

Me: “So, what you are telling me is that you pushed a button.”

Son: “Yup.”

Me: “I’m a little underwhelmed by your commitment to helping with housework.”

(My son grinned and exited.)


This story is part of our Housework roundup!

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You’re Boxing Me In Here

, , , , , | Healthy | June 27, 2018

(At my pharmacy, we commonly take orders by phone so that a customer’s medications can be ready to collect when they arrive. This phone order, however, is a little different.)

Me: “Good afternoon. This is [Pharmacy]. [My Name] speaking. How can I help?”

Customer: “Yes, I’d like to order some medications, please.”

Me: “Sure. What do you need?”

Customer: “I can’t remember what they’re called, sorry.”

Me: “That’s okay. We can figure it out. Do you remember what they’re for?”

Customer: “No, sorry. But they come in a box…”

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Breathe Easy… But Don’t

, , , , | Working | June 12, 2018

(Our laptops have loud security alarms attached to prevent theft, but they are overly sensitive and regularly set off accidentally. An alarm has just been set off, and I hurry over to deactivate it.)

Me: “Ah, don’t panic; let me fix that for you!”

Customers: “Oh, did we set that off?”

Me: “Did you breathe on them?”

Customers: “Uh… Yes?”

Me: “Then yes, you did.”

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Name Change Approved

, , , , , | Healthy | May 4, 2018

(A customer is picking up a regular prescription medication but he also wants something else.)

Customer: “Can I also have some ‘Stuffy Nose Squirts’?”

(He wanted a decongestant nasal spray.)

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