Shoo, Shoe Thief!

, , , , , | Legal | July 30, 2020

A friend who works at an Australian chain store that sells cheap clothing, books, toys, homewares, etc., told me this story.

Their particular store is in a rougher area of town and stays open late and thus is subject to frequent shoplifting. One night, a man comes in wearing a dirty, older pair of boots and walks out again wearing a shiny, new pair.

Spotting the ol’ switcheroo scam, my friend and the security guard confront the man and walk him back to the shelves to make him change back into his old boots.

They open the shoebox where he’d hidden them, only to find the security tag still on the old pair of boots because he’d stolen them, too!

I’m led to believe that the man had a discussion with police later on that night!

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Time To Change Your Name And Move To Siberia

, , , , , , , | Working | July 24, 2020

Today at work, I was tidying up a basket of junk that was under my desk and I found a large, black paper number two that had been nicely cut out for an old display and not thrown away afterward.

I held it up to show my coworker and said, “I found a number two in my basket! Wait…”

Definitely gotta find a new job now. Can never go back there again. Nope. Definitely not.

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An Open-Closed Case

, , , , | Right | May 8, 2020

I own an alternative gift and book shop, open six days a week, including Sunday. I can see the front windows and door from where I usually sit. And this scenario happens every. Single. Sunday.

People look in the front window. All the lights are on. I have a sandwich board out on the sidewalk which people look at. There is a bright yellow “OPEN” sign hanging on the door, just above the “Opening Hours” sign, which also states that we are open. I will often catch people’s eyes from where I sit behind the counter and wave at them, saying loudly, “Come in; we’re open!”

For some reason, at that point, they back away, saying, “Sorry, we thought you were open.”

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A-Wrist-ed Development

, , , , | Related | December 26, 2019

(My brother and I have just received identical smartwatches as Christmas gifts from our parents.)

Me: “Oh, yours is the same. How will we tell them apart?”

Brother: “Mine will be the one on my wrist…”

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Directions As Wrong As Their Attitude

, , , , | Right | July 5, 2019

(We have a lot of cruise ships visit our town during summer. Today, there are two large ones in town. Consequently, there are a lot of tourists wandering around. I’m walking my dog around the wharf area, dressed in an old pair of jeans, T-shirt, and shoes to match. A couple of tourists approach me.)

Tourist: “Excuse me, sir, could you tell me where the Tourist Information Office is?”

Me: “Sure, it’s just over there.“ *points* “You can see the sign.”

Tourist: “Thank you.” *walks off*

(Another couple of tourists see this.)

Tourist #2: “Hi. I wonder if you could point us in the direction of the art gallery?

Me: “No problems. It’s just over the road there; the entrance is at that end of the building.”

(Another woman is hovering, and as soon as [Tourist #2] walks off she comes up.)

Tourist #3: *rudely* “Where’s [Tourist Attraction]?”

Me: “I beg your pardon?”

Tourist #3: “You heard me. Where’s [Tourist Attraction]? You’re the tourist guide; you should know where everything is.”

Me: *looking down at my clothes and my dog* “Um…”

Tourist #3: “Hurry up; I haven’t got all day!”

Me: “Okay, go up that road two blocks, turn right, go down a block, and you can’t miss it.”

Tourist #3: “Humph.”

(I continued to walk my dog, secure in the knowledge that she was heading in the opposite direction to the one she asked me for.)

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