(I work in enrollment in my university.)

Me: “What degree would you like to enroll in?”

Customer: “I don’t know.”

Me: “Well, what are you interested in?”

Customer: “Hot girls.”

Me: “You mean ‘Women’s Studies’?”

Customer: “Does that have lots of girls in it?”

Me: “Pretty much all girls.”

Customer: “Awesome, I’ll do that.”

(Note: ‘Women’s Studies’ studies feminism.)

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Customer: *walks up with an Xbox game* “Hi, I’d like to purchase this.”

(Later in the afternoon, the same customer from that morning comes in.)

Customer: “You! You sold me a bad game! You’ve ruined my son’s birthday!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. What’s the problem?”

Customer: “My son asked for this game for his birthday! The machine said he can’t play it! What kind of cruel business do you run? Teasing small children!”

(I look at the disc and it’s in brand new condition.)

Me: “That’s odd, ma’am. I’ll just test it on our machine quickly.”

(I go over to our display case wear our consoles are set up. I start to put the disc in the Xbox.)

Customer: “I’m sorry, do you have any idea what you’re doing?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “You’re putting it in the wrong machine! It’s no wonder you sold me a faulty disc!”

Me: “What does his machine look like?”

Customer: “That one there!” *points at Playstation* “Don’t you dare tell me it’s a faulty machine. It plays the other discs fine!”

Me: “I’ll bet it does, ma’am, because those are Playstation games. And this is an Xbox game.”

Customer: “We’ll, why didn’t you tell me that when I purchased it?”

Me: “I didn’t know your son owned a Playstation.”

Customer: “Well, whose fault is that?!”

This story is included in our Videogame Store roundup.

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(While driving a bus, I overhear this conversation between a mother and her child, right after a police car has driven by with lights and siren blaring.)

Child: “Mum, is that police car coming for us?”

Mother: “No, why?”

Child: “Because you told the bus driver I’m three and I’m really four.”

This story is part of the Adorable Kids roundup!

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Customer: “My mother is taking some medication and it is making her sick. Can you stop giving it to her?”

Me: “I’ll have to ask the pharmacist for you. What medication is it?”

Customer: “It’s a little white pill.”

Me: “You don’t know the name of it, sir? We do have many white pills in the pharmacy.”

Customer: “I think it’s for her heart… or her brain.”

This story is part of our Pharmacy Roundup!

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(I am 17, working at an outlet for a hardware shop. I have an irate customer who wants a discount because — get this — the drills were too hard to find! He didn’t ask anyone where to find them. He gets a bit abusive after I tell him I can’t do that, and interrupts me before I can get in, “but I can call the manager to handle that.” However, the manager is actually walking past at the time and hears most of the one-sided conversation. He fronts up to this bloke, and says in one of those suppressed-anger sorts of voices the following awesome rebuttal:)

Manager: “Do you know how old this boy is? Do you know how much he earns?”

Customer: “No. Why should I care?” *a lot more calmly, because the manager is a big bloke*

Manager: “He’s 17. And he earns $6 an hour.”

Customer: “Wh—”

Manager: *louder* “Do you know how much authority he has to give you a discount? Not none at all. Not zero. Less than none; less than zero.”

Customer: “How c—”

Manager: “Because, if he works hard, in a year or two he’ll get a promotion, and then he’ll have no f****** authority to give you a discount. Since he’s lower on the scale than that, he must have less than zero authority to do it now, get it?”

Customer: “Well, I—”

Manager: “HE’S SO FAR DOWN THE LINE OF AUTHORITY, HE HAS TO STAND ON A F****** LADDER TO TIE HIS SHOES!”

Customer: “Bu—”

Manager: “Furthermore, sir, he’s a minor, and the way you were talking to him is abuse of a minor, and you could be arrested for it.”

Customer: “Uh, I—”

Manager: “So, in future, if you want a discount, ask someone in authority. Ask me! Don’t abuse the staff; they can’t do anything. I’m the one who can! I’m the only one! Now, put the drills back or pay the full amount, because I’m not going to give you a discount, because you’re a s***head!”