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A Huffle-Huff Talking To A Slyther-In

, , | Right | August 15, 2018

(I work at a take-away restaurant. It’s already afternoon, ten minutes until closing time. The whole day has been really busy, and my coworker and I are trying to keep up with the work as best as we can. I am currently at the other side of the store, cleaning, when I see that a couple has entered and is waiting at the counter. Immediately I put my broom aside and rush over to them, quickly washing my hands on the way.)

Me: *trying to catch my breath* “Hello!” *inhale* “Good evening!” *inhale* “Excuse me.” *clearing my throat and putting on a welcoming smile* “What can I get for you?”

(The couple gives me a strange looks. Then, the man comes closer to the counter, dramatically imitating my panting, while looking at me as if I am some kind of degenerated monkey.)

Customer: *HUFF HUFF HUFF* “Are you finished yet, or do we have to wait some more time until we can place our order?”

(They then bought two small sandwiches and proceeded to stay way past closing time, leaving a huge mess behind.)

Soup Of The Fray

, , , | Right | August 4, 2018

(I work at a take-away restaurant. It is a quiet evening, so I stand in the kitchen, washing the dishes, while my boss is taking orders at the register. I can hear her serving a customer, and then she comes into the kitchen and tells me that she’ll be at the warehouse for a while. I continue with my work until I hear an angry voice from outside, so I get out to check what’s up. A woman is standing at the register with a bowl of soup. When she sees me, she starts to shout even louder.)

Customer: “HELLO?! HELLO?! How long do I have to wait here until you come?”

Me: “Good evening. I’m sorry I didn’t hear you sooner. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Your coworker just made me this soup, and I can’t eat it!

Me: “I am sorry, ma’am. What’s wrong with it?”

(The woman grabs a spoon and starts to stir aggressively in her soup.)

Customer: “You see this? This soup is too liquid! I can’t eat this!”

Me: “Uh… If you want, I can add more vegetables and chicken in your soup—”

Customer: “I DON’T WANT THIS F****** SOUP ANYMORE! THIS SOUP IS S***!”

Me: “Ma’am, I am terribly sorry that the soup is not to your tastes, but—”

Customer: “HOW DARE YOU SELL ME THIS SH**TY SOUP?! IT’S TOO LIQUID! I WANT MY MONEY BACK!”

Me: “All right, but you’ll have to wait until my boss comes back, because I am not authorized to do this.”

(She then continues to scream insults at me, getting more and more aggressive to the point that I think she will throw the soup at me, and going on about how the soup is too liquid for her tastes, until I’ve had enough.)

Me: “Would you please shut your mouth?! I’ve already apologized several times to you, and that’s all I can do for now. What… do… you… want from me?!”

Customer: “THE SOUP IS TOO LIQUID!”

Me: “That’s because it is soup; it’s meant to be liquid! Maybe you should’ve gotten a sandwich instead!”

(At this moment my boss returns. Without saying a word, she goes straight to the register and hands the woman her money back.)

Customer: “This place is awful! I’m never coming again!”

Boss: “We’re more than happy to hear that; now please get out of here.”

Too Chicken To Call Out The Vegans

, , | Right | August 3, 2018

Customer: “Hello. Your board says that your curry is vegan; is that right?”

Me: “Yes, that’s right: our vegetable curry is vegan.”

Customer: “But it also says that you can buy it with chicken, right?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “But then it’s not vegan anymore!”

Me: *confused* “Yes. If you order it with chicken, the curry’s not vegan anymore. If you order it without it, it is.”

Customer: “You’re confusing the customers! How are the vegans supposed to know that it’s not vegan anymore after you put chicken inside the curry?!”

Me: *whispers to myself* “Well, I don’t know. Common sense, maybe?”


This story is part of our Vegan Roundup!

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Read the Vegan Roundup!

All Wrapped Up Into One Salad Sandwich

, , | Right | August 2, 2018

Me: “Hello, may I take your order, please?”

Customer: “I want the veggie.”

Me: “Would you like it as a wrap, a sandwich, or a salad?”

Customer: “What’s the difference?”

Giving Voice To Your Concerns

, , | Right | July 11, 2018

(I work for a Voice over IP company, and I’m sitting next to my coworker who takes this call. To use a phone, the user has to first log into it with a pin — this makes it possible to use phones on other workplaces with the same number.)

Support: “[Company], how can I help you?”

Client: “Hello, I’m [Client]. I can’t log into my phone with my password. But I’m sure it should work. Is it ‘123456’?”

(The phone pins are very low-security, and they are actually stored as clear-text in the phone’s configuration file. The support checks it.)

Support: “Yes, that’s correct. I can’t see any other problem with the device from here; just try again.”

(Now, the support listens and hears the client mumble something. He assumes it’s just the client repeating what he’s doing.)

Client: “One-Two-Three-Four-Five-Six… It still doesn’t work.”

Support: “That’s weird. I can log into it from here; I’m sure it’s correct. Try to restart it?”

(The client restarts it, and then tries again.)

Client: “One-Two-Three-Four-Five-Six… Still nothing.”

Support: “Very strange. Maybe you’re putting the password in too slowly?”

Client: “One-Two-Three-Four-Five-Six… No, doesn’t work.”

(They go through different possible problems, but it just doesn’t work, even if it should. This goes on for about fifteen minutes.)

Support: “I can’t detect the problem from here; I’ll have to schedule one of our employees to check it out—”

Client: “Wait… perhaps my secretary has more luck. She has a better grasp on this stuff.”

(The client calls his secretary.)

Secretary: “One-Two-Three-Four-Five-Six… Doesn’t seem to work.”

(The supporter goes through a few things again, with no result. Eventually, the client takes over again.)

Support: “All right, I’m sorry that I can’t help you from here. I’ll schedule a technician to check it out for you.”

Client: “Ah, technology apparently isn’t as advanced as they claim, after all.”

Support: “I’m sorry?”

Client: “Oh, nothing. You’d think this voice-recognition stuff would work a bit better.”

(I can see my coworker facepalm next to me.)

Support: “You are supposed to type the password.”

Client: “Oh.”