If The Masses Can Use Google To Disprove Vaccines It’s Good Enough For You

, , , | Right | October 9, 2020

I work in customer service at a government authority. We can, of course, only answer questions regarding our work area. A woman my age calls. She is worried about health care for her partner.

Me: “Well, it is not part of our area of expertise, but I do know that your partner could look into something called the European Health Insurance Card. You could Google it.”

Caller: “Google it?! How unprofessional of you to suggest such a thing! You do not take this seriously!”

Me: “Well, I am sorry you feel that way. As I said, this is not something we administer, but rather a little advice.”

Caller: “I demand to speak with a professional case officer who will take matters seriously! Someone who actually works there!”

Me: “What I can help you with are questions concerning our actual line of work. Do you have any further questions regarding [reason for calling]?”

I had to restate my response to her initial question in order for her to understand I actually, well, work there. She kept muttering “unserious, unprofessional” for the remainder of the conversation.

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Should’ve Become A Munk Instead Of A Cashier

, , , | Working | September 23, 2020

The Swedish word for “donut” is “munk”. For the last ten to twenty years or so, the English word has become increasingly common to use, especially for the variety with holes.

I am at the supermarket and see that they have a deal for four donuts at half-price, so I pick them up. Normally, I never buy donuts, since I find them a little pricey for what you get; also, they are rather unhealthy but good.

After paying, I look at the receipt and see that I did not receive the discount, and I inquire about this. The cashier points to the filled donut.

Cashier: “That is a munk, not a donut.”

Me: “Oh, are the filled donuts not included in the deal?”

Cashier: “The deal only applies to the donuts.”

Me: “Well, ‘donut’ and ‘munk’ are synonyms. But do you mean the discount only applies to the ones with holes?”

Cashier: “Only the donuts are in the deal. Why would there be two different words if they are the same thing?”

Me: “The words are synonyms. Many things have two different words for them.”

Cashier: “There wouldn’t be two different words if they were the same thing.”

The cashier had clearly stopped listening and kept repeating himself. I didn’t feel like paying double just because of his lacking vocabulary, so I gave up and just exchanged the filled donut.

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Sure Not Bottling Up The Stupid

, , , | Working | September 8, 2020

This happened several years ago, but several years after the Bonsai Kitten joke site was already old news. I work as an editor at a small — and not very good — magazine. I get called into the owner’s office.

Owner: “Someone just sent me this link! Did you know that in both New York and Tokyo, a lot of people are buying cats that have been raised in glass jars so they’re completely deformed? This is horrible! You have to write an article about this!”

Me: “Yeah.” *Laughs* “Good one.”

Owner: “What do you mean, ‘Good one’? This is pure torture! How can this be legal?”

Me: *Realising he’s serious* “Oh. No, no, that site is a hoax. That’s not real. It’s a joke.”

Owner: “What do you mean, ‘not real’? There are pictures! How is that funny?”

Me: “Yeah, those are photoshopped. Badly. Intentionally so.”

Owner: “‘Photoshopped’? You can’t change photographs!”

Me: *Pause* “We’re a glossy magazine. You literally pay one of us to fix photographs using Photoshop.”

Owner: “Yeah, but you can’t make a photograph of something that doesn’t exist! Those poor cats!”

I bring up a photoshop contest on his browser.

Me: “Look at this rhino/bumblebee hybrid. Do you think that exists in real life? You can do a lot in Photoshop.”

Owner: *Stunned* “Really?”

Me: “Yes. Also, think about it. The site says bonsai kittens have been hugely popular all over the world for years. If that were true, don’t you think it would be news anywhere else but on this one website?”

Owner: “Huh. Maybe?”

Me: “Right. It’s a joke. It’s in poor taste, maybe, but it’s not real. No actual cats are getting born into glass jars and growing up star-shaped.”

Owner: “I guess…”

At this point, one of our ad sales agents walks in.

Owner: “Hey, did you hear about this bonsai kitten thing?”

Agent: “Oh, yeah, that’s totally real. I talked to some Chinese guy and he confirmed it.”

Owner: “See?!”

Me: “Oh, look, it’s five pm. I need to get home.”

We never ran that article, no thanks to the owner.

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Technically Correct: The Best Kind Of Correct

, , , | Related | August 21, 2020

I take my five-year-old niece to visit my home in Sweden, since my family isn’t from there. The trip has been wonderful, and now I’m with her at the airport so that we can travel back to my home country.

We’re looking out the window at airplanes taking off when I ask my niece a question.

Me: “Where do you think this airplane is headed to?”

Niece: “Africa!”

Me: “Oh, where in Africa do you think it will land?”

Niece: “At another airport!”

I mean, she wasn’t technically wrong.

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Totally Estúpido! Part 13

, , , | Right | August 14, 2020

Me: “Hello, my name is [My Name] and I am from [Survey Company]. We are currently conducting a survey about [topic]. Is it okay if I ask you a couple of questions?”

Person: *In Spanish* “Sorry, I don’t speak Swedish.”

Me: *In Spanish* “That’s okay; I’m half Spanish and know the language. We can do the survey in Spanish, too.”

Person: *Mumbling in Spanish* “Oh. Uh. I don’t… I don’t speak very well English, either. Have a nice day!” *Click*

My boss has been listening to the call.

Boss: “Did they just…?”

Me: *Laughing* “Yes. Yes, they did.”

Totally Estupido, Part 12
Totally Estupido, Part 11
Totally Estupido, Part 10
Totally Estupido, Part 9
Totally Estupido, Part 8

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