When A Ferret Becomes A Weasel

, , , , , , , | Romantic | November 16, 2017

(My boyfriend and I are watching the fourth instalment of the Harry Potter series. It’s my boyfriend’s first time watching it. In this movie, a teacher transforms a student into a ferret, a fun and memorable scene, concluded with another teacher running up and asking, “Is… Is that a student?” A short while later, there’s a scene depicting a big school dance, where the teacher who transformed the student sits in a corner with something on his lap.)

Boyfriend: “Wait. Pause. What’s that in his lap?”

Me: “That’s… Oh, haha, it’s a ferret!”

Boyfriend: “Is… Is that a student?”

Me: *rolling with laughter*

Boyfriend: “…on his groin?!”

Enough To Make You Slap Your Forehead

, | Healthy | November 15, 2017

(I work at a pharmacy. A patient is complaining about a spray she had bought a couple of days ago.)

Patient: “It did absolutely not work! It is a nasal spray for sinusitis! Since it contains cortisone, it should work!”

Me: “How do you use it?”

(I ask, since the biggest problem with stuff like this is that you usually use maybe too little, too much, or just plain wrong. She looks at me, a little offended.)

Patient: *sounding annoyed* “Well, I use it as the description says! Two sprays once a day!”

(I think long and hard about how it couldn’t have made any difference for her.)

Patient: “Besides, it gets so messy, and it doesn’t dry quickly at all!”

Me: *can’t wrap my brains about what she meant* “Can you please explain?”

(She took out the spray with a annoyed sigh and held it up against her forehead. She had used the nasal spray on her forehead. I tried my absolute hardest not to laugh and explained as professionally as I could that the spray for sinusitis is to be sprayed in your nose, and not on your forehead.)

Unfiltered Story #100002

, | Unfiltered | November 14, 2017

I was browsing through a popular gaming store, looking for games for my new console when I hear a family talk to the employee

Dad: “does this *really popular new* console connect to the TV or is it just handheld?

Employee: “Uhm.. Well… I think so?”

Dad: “We have *other brand console* will it run this game?

Employee: ” I’m pretty sure it’s *brand* exclusive.. I think?”

At this point, the employee is looking visibly anxious and I, who am very familiar with the brand step in.
I answer all of their questions, small talk to the child about the game in question and other games about to be released.
The family happy leaves and the child promise to wish for one for their birthday. When I turn around I notice that the employee is looking at me with wide eyes and mouth open

Employee: “why don’t you work here already?”

Another Reason To Celebrate Easter

, , , , | Friendly | October 25, 2017

(I’m a woman in my 20s, and have just moved into my first apartment six months prior to this incident. It’s a Sunday afternoon, and my mom is visiting, when I decide to hang a picture. My walls are hard concrete and require special hooks, so it takes a minute or two to work the hook into the wall. Thirty seconds into the hammering, someone bangs on my door. I answer. It’s my neighbor, a man twice my age and size, red-faced and fuming, yelling and threatening to call the disturbance hotline on me and get me evicted. He’s been awful with me and with other neighbours before, so I am prepared.)

Neighbour: *screaming* “Are you stupid!? It’s Easter; the rules say—”

Me: *interrupting* Actually, the rules say…” *points to the sign where the rules are posted on the wall and quoting it* “’It is forbidden to hammer, drill, or make excessive noise on red days.’”

(Sweden has both common holidays and so-called “red days,” which are specific holiday days. Red days usually refer to Sundays and days AFTER we celebrate major holidays, but NOT the holidays themselves. This is why holiday-related rules are suppose to specify that they are in effect on “red days AND the day before red days.” Our rules, however, are only written to be in effect on red days.)

Neighbour: “Exactly! It’s Easter—”

Me: “…and according to Swedish custom, Easter is not a red day. It is a holiday. Red days are Sundays and the days after religious holidays. Today is a Saturday, and Easter Even. This rule does not apply.”

(Absolute silence falls. He looks like a deer in the headlights. I coldly stare him down as the slow realization of what has happened dawns on him. I’ve just robbed him of the only justification for his behavior.)

Neighbour: *meekly* “O-okay… Um… Are you going to be drilling a lot more?”

Me: *sickly sweet* “Oh, no. We’re almost done! Just another minute, and then we’ll be quiet for the whole rest of the weekend.”

(Looking utterly deflated, he slowly turned and wandered back into his own apartment without another word. My mother barely managed to wait until I closed the door before she fell over laughing, undoubtedly remembering when I called her on the phone crying over how this man had treated me. Perhaps I took it too far. But then again, that was two years ago, and he hasn’t dared to confront anyone since.)

Give The Stork The Receipt

, , , | Related | October 24, 2017

(When I was three years old, my brother was born. Initially I was pleased to have a baby brother. But at some point he got on my nerves, and I said to my mum:)

Me: “Can you please put him back?!”

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