(I am helping an old lady getting ready for bed one evening at the nursing home. A part of that includes assisting her with brushing her teeth. Some old people have dentures, and I can’t remember whether this lady has or not.)
Me: “Do you have your own teeth?”
Resident: “Yes, I do.”
Me: “Okay, then, here’s your toothbrush.”
(The lady then pops out her dentures.)
Me: “I thought you had your own teeth?”
Resident: “I do. I bought and paid for them myself.”
(A couple of years ago, I started having really low blood sugar levels. It turned out that I needed surgery but I could not get it right away. To try to help me during the wait, my endocrinologist referred me to a dietician so see if there were some diet changes I could do to reduce the risk of going so low I passed out. I am very allergic to nuts. I go to the dietician and she looks at my list of food that I have eaten for the last three days and asks if I have any allergies, which I tell her about.)
Doctor: “You need to eat a snack in the afternoon that keeps the blood sugar levels up better. A handful of nuts is good.”
Me: “I am allergic to nuts.”
Doctor: “So, as I was saying. You need to eat at least 60g for it to be good for you.”
Me: “Still can’t eat nuts. Allergy…”
Doctor: “But nuts are good for you.”
Me: “They might be good for other people, but I am allergic to nuts. Is there really nothing to replace them with?”
Doctor: “Nuts are good for everybody. They help stabilize the blood sugar.”
Me: “One more time, I am allergic to nuts. I will die if I eat them. I can’t have nuts.”
Doctor: “I don’t know why you came here if you don’t allow me to help you.”
Me: “I want help. I just can’t eat nuts. Are there any other foods that I can have as a snack?”
Doctor: “I recommend at least 60 grams of nuts as a snack.”
Me: “Thanks for your time. I’ll see myself out.”
(I work at a diner near a busy road where a lot of families stop by on their way to skiing resorts. At this diner, you order and pay first and then get a beeper that signals when you can come and get your meal. A woman in her mid-40s comes and orders today’s special. Since it’s today’s special, our kitchen has everything ready for her meal and even before she leaves the checkout her food is served from the kitchen.)
Me: “Oh, your food is already ready! Here’s one special.”
Customer: “No, I want a new meal.”
Me: “Is there something wrong?”
Customer: “I won’t eat old food. I saw that plate standing there for more than ten minutes. You are just giving me some old food someone else didn’t want.”
Me: “I promise you that this came straight from the kitchen just for you. Our special is always ready which means that our chef only had to put it on a plate for you and that’s why your food came so fast.”
Customer: “No, I saw it standing there getting nasty! I want a new meal.”
(The customer got a new meal which, again, was served in just a minute while she could see the chef. When the customer went away with her food I started cleaning tables and was just happy with not having to deal with her again.)
(I work in customer service for a big phone company. One afternoon this month, I get this call.)
Me: “Hello and welcome to [Phone Company]. My name is [My Name]; what can I help you with?”
Caller: “Hi. This might be a weird question, but I figured I’d ask anyway.”
Me: “Okay, shoot.”
Caller: “I ordered Internet not too long ago and have been waiting for the router to arrive. Well, as it happened, I was out for a walk today when I got the notification telling me it had arrived, so I figured I’d go get it right away, since the router is kind of small, right?”
Me “Yes, that’s right. So, what exactly is the problem, sir?”
(A moment of embarrassed silence.)
Caller: “I got eight of them.”
Me: *trying not to laugh* “Excuse me. Can you repeat that?”
(It turned out eight routers wasn’t all he got! The system had gone haywire and given him eight different broadband services too. Of course, I fixed it, and the caller was nice and even laughed about it.)
(I am in the line for the information desk on a cruise ship. Behind me are at least ten more people. Just as it is my turn, an older woman cuts the line in front of me.)
Woman: “I want to…”
Employee: “I’m sorry, you’re going to have to wait in line.”
Woman: “But I just want information!”
Employee: *looks at all of us standing and waiting there* “Yeah, well, so do they.”
(The woman turned to stare at us and, grumbling, she went to wait in the now even longer line.)
