This Isn’t Bunny

, , , , | Right | September 2, 2018

(I am an intern at a local pet store. I am about 16 or 17, and it is my first week. A man walks up to me and asks if we have any rabbits.)

Me: “Certainly! Right this way!”

(The man takes a look at the rabbits.)

Customer: “No, these won’t do; they have claws. Do you have any without claws?”

Me: “No, sir, all rabbits have claws. They need them.”

Customer: “Why? Why do they need claws?”

Me: *a bit stunned* “Well, sir, they are meant to dig, so they need the claws for that.”

Customer: “Can you remove them?”

Me: “No, sir, we cannot remove the rabbits’ claws.”

Customer: “Okay. Do you have any other animals without claws?”

Me: “Unfortunately not. Is there anything else I can help you with?”

(The man stares blankly at me for a couple of moments:)

Customer: “No, you don’t understand! I’m a bunny-rabbit!”

(Then, he walked out, leaving me with probably the most confused face ever.)

Some Complaints Are Ripe For The Picking

, , , , | Right | August 19, 2018

(I am working at the checkout counter, and we have a special on avocados from South America: two for the price of one. There are about four people in the queue; one of them is a regular. I see that he is holding two avocados and muttering to himself. As it is his turn, he hands me the avocados.)

Me: “Hi, would that be all for you?”

Customer #1: “No.”

Me: “No?”

Customer #1: “No, they are not ripe. You picked them too early!”

(And he hands me the avocados and walks away, having queued about ten minutes just to hand them back.)

Me: “…?”

(The next lady in line approaches.)

Customer #2: *laughing* “Yeah, you picked them too early.”

Me: “I guess I can have a sleep in tomorrow, then.”

Bready, Steady, Close!

, , | Right | August 14, 2018

(It’s closing time for the day, and I’ve gone through almost the entire closing routine; the remaining bread that wasn’t sold for the day has been picked up by a local homeless shelter, I’ve counted the register, and I’m just in the process of getting a broom for the floor when I hear somebody enter through the door. I look out into the store to see a woman standing by the counter, talking on her cell phone. I watch her for about ten seconds before she looks up from her conversation and sees me.)

Me: “Sorry, we’re closed.”

Customer: “But your door was open.”

Me: “Oh, I was sure I closed it.”

(The door is old and the lock can jolt back unless you give the door a push when you lock it.)

Customer: “Oh… ’cause your door was open.”

(She starts looking at the empty shelves, the empty glass counter, and the empty bread baskets. There’s nothing left that I can sell her.)

Me: “Well, we’re closed, sorry. We closed half an hour ago, and all the bread and buns have been picked up by a local shelter we donate to, and the register is closed and counted for the day.”

Customer: “Oh… Okay… Because your door was open!” *leaves*

(I lock the door properly behind her.)

Me: *to coworker* “What did she expect me to say? ‘Oh, of course, I was wrong; I thought we closed, but apparently we are open! Let me go and bake a new loaf of bread for you!’”

There’s Norway That’s True

, , , | Related | August 11, 2018

(We live in Scandinavia, and my mother is really into researching our family tree; she’s quite passionate about our pretty mundane family history. Eventually, she gets curious about our genetic background and sends her DNA to one of those companies that checks which part of the world where your ancestors were likely from.)

Mother: “Isn’t it exciting? We could have roots in Estonia, France, or Germany! Maybe we even hail from England! Could you imagine?”

(This goes on for a week at the minimum. Every chance she gets, she brings it up to close family and friends. Eventually, the day arrives with the result. She logs into the company website with her code to view the result:)

Result: “100% Scandinavia.”

(It’s been years since I’ve seen her that frustrated.)

A Cold Attitude To Your Order

, , , , | Working | August 6, 2018

(During a heavy snowfall, I go with a Tinder date to the epitome of first date destinations: a coffee shop. This is during the mid-winter months, and the shop is having a special deal on a Holiday-themed milkshake. The barista asks everyone ordering if they are interested in trying this.)

Me: *as it’s finally my turn to order* “Hi! I’d like a chicken sandwich and a large iced coffee with hazelnut, please.”

(The barista looks at me like I’m crazy.)

Barista: *snorts* “Really? Iced coffee?” *pause* “Have you noticed the weather outside?”

(Apparently it’s weird to order a cold drink other than milkshakes.)

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