Morning Sickness For Everyone!

, , , , , | Romantic | January 23, 2021

My fiancée and I both have a weird sense of humor. It’s what drew us to each other. One night, we’re both lying in bed, about to go to sleep, when she farts under the covers. I’m usually the one that has the most foul-smelling farts in this relationship, but since she got pregnant she’s been trying to take first place.

Fiancée: “Oh, wow, I’m so sorry!”

Me: “It’s fine. You know how mine usually are.”

She quickly lifts her covers.

Fiancée: “Oh, wow. No, babe, this one is terrible!”

I get a whiff of hers, and yeah, it’s pretty bad. So I let one go myself, and like normal, it’s pretty bad.

Me: “Oh, no, I got one that’s worse.”

Fiancée: “No, I win. You know why? It’s two versus one.”

I love this woman.

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The Biggest Spreader Is Selfishness

, , , , | Right | January 20, 2021

This is during the global health crisis and the government has just recommended that all public libraries should close down for a period of time. We are all very anxious to find out if that means that the municipality will decide that we’ll have to close down completely.

We have been closed for visitors for a month and a half, but patrons can still put books on hold and make an appointment to collect them outside. The appointments are to make sure we don’t get a huge crowd of people outside at the same time, and also to give us time for things like answering phone calls and emails, hunting down books, making sure we can arrange the hand-off in a way that won’t spread disease, etc. In between all this, we’re fielding calls from desperate patrons who are now unable to get essential computer and Internet access. 

Most regular patrons are very understanding and grateful for the very limited services we are still allowed to provide. Then, there are patrons like this lady on the phone.

Patron: “Hello, I want to pick up my books.”

Me: “Of course! If I can have your name and details, I’ll check if your reservations have come in.”

Patron: “My name is [Patron]. There should be a bag there for me.”

I go to check, and sure enough, there is a bag with the patron’s name on it with a note from a colleague that she’ll call and make an appointment to pick them up later. Apparently, this is “later.” Fair enough.

Me: “All right, I have your bag here ready for pickup. The first free slot today is 13:45; will that be convenient for you?”

It is now around noon, so that’s a pretty good slot.

Patron: “No, of course not. I’m heading into town right now; I’ll be there in ten minutes!”

Me: “I’m sorry, that time slot is already taken. It’s not really possible to make an appointment with that short a notice.”

Patron: “What? You can’t do this. Are you expecting me to plan my entire day around your scheduling? I’ll be there in ten minutes and I expect my books to be there when I am!” 

I want to say, “Oh, so you’re expecting us to reschedule our entire day around your poor planning?” However, I am a customer service veteran, so I know I am not allowed to say that.

Me: “It’s really important for us to keep to this scheduling because it’s the only way we can keep offering this service. We don’t want people to crowd each other outside and risk spreading the disease.”

Patron: “Oh, I promise I’ll keep my distance. Besides, you’re closed anyway; it’s not like you’ve got anything better to do.”

I’ve been on pickup duty for an hour already. I’m wearing latex gloves I’m allergic to and a visor I can’t hear through, I’ve been bathing in hand sanitizer since early morning, I’m warm, I’m stressed, and the phone has been ringing off the hook since I started my shift.

Let’s just say that I scheduled this woman’s unscheduled pickup while grinding my teeth with anger, because our policy is to try to extend our poor excuse for a library service as far as we can, but I have to say, there are people who definitely do not deserve it.

And yep, you guessed it. She definitely did not keep her distance when she came to pick up her books.

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Refusing To Bottle Up Your Feelings

, , , | Right | January 19, 2021

In Sweden, we have something that is called “pant”; whenever you buy a bottle or can of soda, beer or cider, you also pay around ten cents extra (pant). You get these extra cents back by putting the cans or bottles in a machine, normally placed in a grocery store, that scans the barcode of said container (panta).

On a normal busy weekday after work, a lady around sixty years old comes into the grocery store with around five bottles and cans in her walker. She puts the bottles and cans into the machine and gets an error message on two of the bottles. Immediately, she flags down a young-looking employee.

Lady: “Why isn’t the machine scanning my bottles?” *Hands over the two bottles*

Employee: “This one has no barcode and cannot be scanned. Let’s try the other one.”

Another error message appears on the machine.

Employee: “Is this bottle old? That could explain why it doesn’t work.”

Lady: “It’s maybe two or four years old or something like that. I don’t know! That shouldn’t matter! It should be able to scan!”

Employee: “Well, that’s the only reason I can come up with. I can’t help you.”

In Sweden, the customer definitely isn’t always right and employees, therefore, aren’t obliged to a**-kissing.

Lady: “What am I supposed to do with these, then?! Throw them away?! They should be able to scan!”

The employee starts to walk away since she has other things to do during her shift.

Employee: “Sorry, there is nothing I can do.”

Lady: “Do you mean to tell me that I should throw them away?! That’s sick! I’m gonna take these to another store and try there!”

Employee: “You do that.”

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At Least They Weren’t Hostile!

, , , | Friendly | December 29, 2020

I booked a bed in a dormitory in a hostel for five days. In the dormitory, there are eight beds. However, when I arrive, I am the only one in that room the first day. You can rent bed linen and stuff, but I decided to save a little money and brought my own.

The next day, I go to the convention centre, leaving the room with seven beds with no bed linen, and the bed I had chosen with my bedlinen.

Late that evening, I return to the room, where some other guests have now arrived. However, as I come to my bed, I am very surprised to see someone actually asleep in my bed.

As I am rather tired, and I’m a very peaceful person, I call the emergency number and explain that somebody seems to have occupied my bed.

No problem; I get to borrow their linen free of charge and get to pick another bed. 

It turned out that the next morning I was up early, and he was still sound asleep, so I went down to the reception and explained the situation as I had to leave for the convention again rather early.

When I returned the next evening, my bed linen was nicely piled up on my bed, together with a candy bar and a note.

Note: “Sorry about the mixup!”

But I wonder how tired you are when you decide to take the only bed that has linen in an eight-bed dormitory. Wasn’t it obvious that the bed is already taken?

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Last Christmas, I Gave You My Heart

, , , , , , | Romantic | December 23, 2020

It’s the night before Christmas Eve at around 11:00 pm and I’ve arrived home after a long day at work, totally exhausted. I’m walking the stairs up to the apartment when the phone rings and it’s my boyfriend. We moved in together this very month but, due to him working the nightshift around Christmas, I’ve decided to go home to my mom’s over the holiday. I’ll be leaving early tomorrow morning, which means we won’t see each other until I’ve returned home.

I answer the phone while putting the key in the lock and he asks if I’m home yet. I reply that I’m just about to open the door and he gets all excited. He asks me to not turn on the lights and to go straight to his computer, which is located in the dining area. I walk there and the computer is in sleep mode. I’m told to wake it up and see that the music player is up. I’m then told to turn the music on.

From the speakers comes a song he wrote for me. I get to listen to it for a minute, but then he tells me to go into the kitchen and turn on the ceiling light. On the counter in a vase is a single red rose, and beneath it a note that just says, “Kiss.”

I’m in tears then and there. My boyfriend tells me he has to hang up but says he loves me and wishes me a merry Christmas. I stand in the kitchen for a long time, just listening to the song on repeat, staring at the rose. I feel bad for leaving it for a couple of days and decide to dry it.

We’ve been together for ten years now and are married. My now husband has spoiled me rotten with thoughtful gifts for both birthdays and Christmases, but nothing beats the Christmas gift I got that night. Whenever I get asked about my favourite gift, I tell the story above. I still get warm, fuzzy feelings just thinking about it, and I still have that rose.

This story is part of our Feel Good roundup for December 2020!

Read the next Feel Good roundup for December 2020 story!

Read the Feel Good roundup for December 2020!

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