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Today I Feel Like Doing Sweet Nothings

, , | Romantic | June 22, 2017

Boyfriend: *whispering* “I love you.”

Me: “I love you, too.”

Boyfriend: “Know why I whispered it?”

Me: *expecting something romantic* “Why?”

Boyfriend: “Because I’m lazy.”

Stubbornness Is Digging In

, , , , | Friendly | June 21, 2017

I’m a lorry driver and drive a tipper trailer for a living. I’m at a jobsite that is more or less across the street from a kindergarten. The site is an elevated lot with a wall separating it and the street. A digger, clearly visible from anywhere on the street, is on the lot loading rocks on a trailer standing on the street no more than a metre from said wall. While we have no guards, there are signs in both directions telling pedestrians to go on the other side of the street.

I’m standing behind the lorry being loaded talking to my colleague who is driving it. He has a passenger who has decided to stay in it. While we’re talking, we suddenly see a woman with a kid in each hand hurriedly emerge from between the trailer and the wall and then cross the street towards the school while the two of us stand there mouth agape, too stunned to say anything.

We go to the front to see if the sign is still there, which it is, and we talk to my colleague’s astonished passenger who tells us he told the woman repeatedly that she could not walk there but she ignored him. One of her little girls however did react, stopped, and told her mother they shouldn’t walk there but the mother grabbed her arm and dragged her along.

This was a few years ago and I have since stopped being surprised at the sheer stupidity of people but really, did she really need a someone to tell her you do not walk between a digger and the lorry it is loading?

Must Have Some Emotional Scars

, , , | Romantic | June 12, 2017

(My wife has a habit of talking in her sleep when she is stressed. In the middle of the night, I really need to go to the bathroom. When I come back, the following happens.)

Wife: *in a evil voice* “We need to kill him.”

Me: “Sorry, hon; what did you say?”

Wife: “Shh. He is here.”

(As I am lying down in the bed, my wife turns to me.)

Wife: *in a creepy voice* “Long… live… the… king…”

Getting Bigger Each Time

, | Working | May 19, 2017

(I work at a kind of back-to-work rehabilitation place sponsored by the government. We mostly do odd jobs other companies don’t want to do and pay us to do. Most people are interns who have gone long without a job. This makes us get a few oddballs. Our department holds weekly meetings for feedback and small talk. The day before we had a small misunderstanding that stirred up a lot of voices. The new guy had left the room in a hurry and we thought nothing more of it. When the meeting is nearly done the new guy comes in late, as usual. We naturally turn to him and want to talk about yesterday’s event. Note that while I call him New Guy, he’s been with us for half a year, but is our most recent recruit, and has had a few odd moments before this.)

Team Leader: “Hello! Good you are here. About yesterday when you wanted a break. [Worker #1] had already worked that spot for most of the day already, that’s why we told you to swap with [Worker #2] instead.”

New Guy: “I don’t wanna talk about it.”

Team Leader: “Okay, but I think it’s important we are all on the same page.”

New Guy: “I don’t wanna talk about it! Don’t make it a big thing!”

Team Leader: “It wasn’t a big thing really. I just…”

New Guy: *talking louder* “I said I don’t want to make it a big thing! They said at [Previous Workplace] I was bad at taking criticism and I don’t want to make this a big thing!”

Team Leader: “It is not a big thing. I just want us all to understand each other.”

New Guy: *starting to get visibly angry and waving his hands around* “Why are you making this a big thing?! I didn’t want this to become a big thing! I was in a good mood when I woke up today and now you have ruined my good mood! I was looking forward to work today, and now you have ruined my good mood!”

Team Leader: “Please calm down. To talk about things such as these are why we started holding these meetings. I need to make sure we all understood what happened.”

New Guy: *still getting angrier* “I SAID I DIDN’T WANT TO MAKE A BIG THING! YOU ARE MAKING THIS A BIG THING! I WILL NOT TAKE IT! I QUIT!”

(The new guy storms out and everyone sits dumbfounded.)

Worker #3: “But… then why did he make it a big thing all by himself?”

(We still wonder to this day.)

Taekwondon’t

, , , , , | Learning | August 5, 2016

(The founder of my taekwondo club has two children, both of whom are also taekwondo practitioners. The oldest daughter, who is ten, is polite and well-behaved, but the youngest son, who is six, is one of the worst spoiled brats I’ve ever met. He is always acting like he owns the place, doing whatever he pleases, and, when he was younger, throwing huge tantrums whenever he didn’t get his way. I’ve always disliked him because of this, but felt bad about it on account of his young age. I haven’t talked about it with others because nobody else seems bothered by him and might consider a talking-to interfering with parenting. This evening, I and one of the other taekwondo teachers are instructing the more experienced kids, and the son is among them.)

Teacher: *brings out a rope ladder* “Okay, time for warm-ups! To start with, run across this ladder as fast as you can and take two steps in every gap!”

Son: “No! One step!”

Teacher: “[Son], please just do as I say.”

Son: “NO! I only wanna do one step!”

Teacher: “[Son], just listen to me and do these warm-ups.”

(The son tries to protest a bit more, but eventually gives up. The rest of the warm-ups go off without a hitch, and real training session can begin. The kids are divided into pairs, we hand out the focus mitts to them, and they start practicing. Once the groups are done, they sit down onto the floor. The son, however, sits on his pair of mitts, which we aren’t allowed to do as they break faster.)

Teacher: “[Son], get off those mitts. You can’t sit on them.”

Son: “NO! I want to sit on them!”

Teacher: *getting fed up* “[Son], get off those mitts right now, or do 10 pushups!”

Son: *smugly* “You can’t tell me what to do, because [Founder] is the best one here. I can do whatever I want here, and you can’t stop me.”

(The other teacher reacts to this by essentially throwing his arms up in the air and checking on the other students. Overhearing this, I actually get pretty angry, so I walk up to the son.)

Me: “[Son], if you sit on the mitts, they break! And when they break, you won’t have anything left to kick on, and that’s not much fun, is it?!”

Son: *pouts* “Fiiiine!”

(He didn’t sit on the mitts for the rest of the evening, but I felt a little less bad about disliking him since. I’ve realized that this has reached a point where we actually have to talk to his parents, as I shudder to think of what’ll happen once he actually starts school…)